Marital Bliss?
by acemckean
Summary: Bella/Alice are best friends who are both ready to get married to the men of their dreams-Bella with Jacob, and Alice with Jasper! But what happens when Edward Bella's former crush and ex-best friend comes back? Cannon. 1st chap edit
1. Chapter 1

Hey here's my other wonderful story!!!

I own nothing, but the plot to my stories!!!

**Please check out my other story: The Cullen Brothers, and my Beta's, Twilightmommyof4girls: Searching and Interview With a Vampire (I am co-authoring)**

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**MARITAL BLISS :**

**Alice and Bella are best friends.**

**Alice is engaged to Jasper.**

**Bella is engaged to Jacob.**

**(But she still holds a flame for Edward, Alice's brother)**

**I want to give you some back ground on the story besides what you read above. The first chapter is going to start off with Rose's and Emmett's rehearsal dinner. They are getting married tomorrow. Alice is the Maid of Honor since she is Emmett's younger sister. Bella is a bridesmaid, the best man is Jasper Hale, who is Alice's fiancé, and Rose's brother. The other groomsman is non other than Edward Cullen, Alice's twin brother and ex-best friend to Bella(also her first crush that she has never been able to get fully over, even though she would never admit to anyone- especially herself). Bella just got engaged to Jacob Black. The two of them have been together for over 5 years. The story takes place in New York City. I will be doing multiple points of view, but mainly it will be in Bella's.**

Chapter 1-Rehearsal

What in the hell was I thinking?

_I mean seriously. _

Maybe I had fallen one too many times and had brain damage?

That would be the only possible reason that I would have agreed to be in this darn wedding. I was going to be a bridesmaid for two of my very close friends, Rose and Emmett. I had been friends with Rose, since I was in junior high. I happened to be in a fight with this total bitch, Jessica Stanley, when she had the nerve to dump her soda all over my hair and that is when Rose stepped in. Rose had my back then and every day since.

Emmett was the big brother I never had and wished I did. I had the opportunity to live the full Emmett experience, since I had grown up with him being that his family lived next door to mine. He was Alice's oldest brother and two years older, giving him the unwarranted idea that he was my self appointed protector even since a very young age.

Lets move onto my best friend for as long as I could remember, Alice Cullen.

She and I are as close as sisters. She was my other half, always had been there for me. Be it a yin and yang sort of thing. Even though we are total opposites, we complement each other perfectly. Alice was hardly 5' tall. I was 5'8". She had short, black spiky hair. I had long, slightly curly, brown hair. She was graceful, I can hardly walk across a flat surface without tripping over my feet and falling on my face. Alice was confident, outgoing, and very pushy, whereas I was more reserved and laid back. She was absolutely beautiful with all of her petite features, while I was very plain in comparison. The two of us had been partner's in crime since we were in diapers, literally. She was a famous, up-and-coming fashion designer, and I was currently a senior book editor at a large publishing company, here in New York, Cullen Publication's (it was Emmett's, Alice's, and Edward's grandfather's and then passed down to them after his death about three years ago).

Now onto Edward, where do I begin?

He was Alice's twin brother, so needless to say, that I had grown up with him. I think in away, I started having feelings for him beginning in elementary school. Besides Alice, he was my other best friend. The three of us were usually inseparable back then. The feelings that I had started to develop into something more when we went to high school. I had always thought that he was cute.

_Not cute, gorgeous._

How could he not be?

He had a smile that would make you go weak in the knees, the purest, green eyes that I have ever seen, and complimented his perfect mix of brown and bronze hair. But sometime over the course of Freshman year, he became even more beautiful.

_If that's even possible._

And I was not the only one that took notice, he had girls that drooled all over him and he knew it. Yep, I guess you could say he was cocky, but I still loved him. He never acted that way towards me. Why would he? I was just plain, old Bella. I went through the next three years with all of these feelings pent up inside.

Well finally, in my Senior year, I decided to take charge. Be it a now or never thing. Of course, with Rose's and Alice's pushing, I asked him to the prom. I will admit I was surprised that he ever said yes. Edward said it was because all these girls would finally leave him alone, that he wanted to just go with his best friend, and have a good time without any pressure. Well stupid me and my stupid feelings that I had for him.

I ruined everything.

_And I mean everything._

I tried acting on said feelings with a little help from my friend, the liquor bottle. So with all the courage of a lion, I got drunk and told him how I felt about him. Then kept on the crazy train and tried to kiss him.

Let's just say things never seem to go the way I would imagine. Oh no, the absolute worst thing happened:

He rejected me.

Told me he cared for me, but in a different way.

And never talked to me since then.

Flashback*******

"Edward, I need to talk to you," I said, feeling glad that I was not so inebriated that I was slurring at this point in time.

"What do you want to talk about Bella?" he responded, his eyes curious and thoughtful.

"I know that you are leaving for Stanford soon and I need to tell my best friend how I really feel…" I started with, but then I started to put my lip's on his.

He pulled away from me and said, "Wha..What are you doing Bella?" He was startled, his eyes looked like they were going to jump out of their sockets.

"I just wanted to tell that I like you." I said.

Oh shit, let's just lay it all out on the table. I was already embarrassed, mortified. What was another couple seconds?

"Bella, I like you , you're my best friend," he said with a comforting smile on his face. He was trying to make this better.

But he couldn't.

We couldn't.

I couldn't.

"No Edward, I like you, like you. Do you understand?" I asked. All of my pent up frustration coming though with my words.

"Bella, I know you like me, we have been best friends since birth practically," he said.

God for being as smart as he was, he was sure dumb sometimes.

"NO EDWARD, I. LOVE. YOU., I am in love with you." I stated then turned around, so I would be without having to face him, I wanted to curl up in a corner and die.

"Oh Bella, you are my best friend and I don't want to lose you, but I only love you as a friend, nothing more. I'm sorry," he said.

Every part of my heart was breaking into a million little pieces with each word.

***********End Flashback*******

I felt alone.

I felt abandoned.

I felt lost.

I ran away from him that night and I had yet to speak to him since. Even though we lived next door to each other, and went to school together, he ignored me. I was without any doubt that he never looked my way again, not that I went out of my way to see him either, but I was embarrassed; I was entirely to blame for ending our friendship. I crossed a line and he was without any way to forgive me. I had missed seeing those eyes since the last day he was here, the day that we graduated. The day that Edward left for early summer admission at Stanford.

That was eight years ago.

Tonight would be the first time since, and I am nervous as all hell. Here I was, without any reason as to why I still get nervous like this, at the just the mere mention of his name, but to see him, and here?

I know that I should find a better way to react. I had Jake. He and I had been together for the past five years. I met Jake when I was in my third year at NYU, and after all this time, he finally proposed to me at Christmas. I was happier now than I have been in a long, long time.

_Since he left._

Marrying Jake was what I wanted. I was going to be married to a great guy that loved me. What else could a girl ask for?

Right?

I love him, and he loves me. End of story.

_Right?_

But on the other hand, I could kick his ass right now for leaving me to go to this rehearsal dinner and wedding all by myself. Jake had to fly back home to see his dad, Billy. His father had a heart attack three days ago, and being his only family, he needed his son there to take care of him. I wanted to go with him, but Jake assured me that everything would be fine and I had promised Rose that I would be here for her.

I had deliberately taken the whole day off of work, to see if I could help Rose.

Big mistake!

She put any of those girls on that show BRIDEZILLA'S to shame.

Poor Emmett.

Rose had been yelling at everyone for no apparent reason. I doubt there could be anything in the world that could make her happy.

Poor Emmett.

She had already fired two wedding planners, because they failed at meeting up to her standards. See Rose was a model, a very beautiful, blonde, bombshell, highly paid model that expects perfection in everything. Her wedding was even worse. I was glad I listened to Jake and stayed here, if I would have left, I am pretty certain that what would await me when I returned home would make even the apocalypse look pretty.

Alice decided to torture me a couple of hours before we were to leave. She always enjoyed makeover Bella time.

_She was sadistic._

In all fairness, I do admit that the dress that she had for me was absolutely stunning. It was a royal blue cocktail dress, an Alice Cullen original of course.

_I looked good._

She completed the look by putting my hair up in a loose high ponytail with cascading curls. My make up was flawless, but with Alice you could expect nothing less. The only thing that made my outfit suck was the four inch death traps that Alice had me wear for shoes.

When we got to The Plaza, we were the last ones to arrive. I thought Rose was going to go ballistic on us. I walked up to her and gave her a hug with a apologetic smile. Then I proceeded to put all the blame on Alice. I went around to say all my hellos to everyone, but then stopped dead in my tracks when I took sight of him,

Edward.

He was standing next to his father, Carlisle. I was looking for any reason probable to avert going over there and greet his father, but he is like my second father, so I could not avoid it. I gave Carlisle a quick hug and walked past, not making eye contact with Edward.

When we started the rehearsal, I thought. everything was going well until the procession out of the hall, when the wedding was to be concluded. I had to be escorted by Edward.

_Why is God punishing me? _

I wanted to be somewhere else. I knew of his ways of attraction, I had fallen for them myself so many years ago. He was so, so gorgeous, and his hair, all he had to do was run his finger through that perfectly done, sex enticing head of hair.

_UGH!_

Stop looking at him.

_I can't._

Okay, I would just take his arm and glance the other way, that's the plan. Well it was all going along fine, until the smug asshole had to go and make an abrupt movement so I would look his way. I was sure he was happy with himself, since it was pretty self evident on that evil, crooked, beautiful, evil, dazzling, evil smile that was on his perfect face.

_Evil._

We went to the restaurant and had a very nice dinner, but it was extremely early when we all finished. We as a group, decided that it would be nice to go hang out some more before the big day. I was really hoping that with my good behavior, that I might be rewarded in the form of Edward finding another event that would require his attendance, but I was sadly mistaken. We decided to meet up at this local karaoke bar that we all frequented on Friday nights. I rode with Alice, while Jasper drove Edward. Rose and Emmett were coming after everyone left the restaurant. Shortly after we arrived, I was abandoned by Jasper and Alice as they went to the bar to get our drinks.

Let the onslaught of pain begin…

"Hello, Bella," Edward said.

I looked over at him and was surprised he even noticed me.

"Edward," I said harshly, as I was moving my head around looking for different items to place my now misplaced attention on.

I could feel a smile start to form on my lips when he got the hint and directed his unrequited concern elsewhere.

Thank the Lord above, that the waitress brought over our drinks and the bottle of tequila,six shot glasses with lemons and salt. I took straight away to sucking down my Jack Daniels and Coke. I had already had a few glasses of wine with dinner, so I was starting to get a good buzz. This was going to make this night so much more eventful.

"You look beautiful tonight, Bella," he whispered, while leaning over the table to ensure that he was heard by his present company, me.

I was sitting right opposite from him on the other side of the table and all I wanted to do was reach out and smack him across his beautiful, divine face.

Did he get better looking since I last saw him?

_Life is so unfair._

"Thanks," I spat back, as I tried to look him straight in the eyes, but it hurt to much.

He brought both of his hands up, rested them on the table and started to fidget with the coaster. "So how have you been, Bella?" he asked nervously. " I haven't seen you in forever."

"Fine, thanks," I replied.

I needed an escape, so I finished off my drink while I ordered another one from the waitress. Oh yes, I was defiantly getting drunk tonight. Especially, if I had to sit here and subject myself to pleasantries with him.

_Edward._

"Bella won't you talk to me?" he asked, while his eyebrows were shooting up in confusion. " I miss you, I miss my best friend, I miss talking to you," he said, whispering. His voice sounding more like he was pleading for some understanding.

Understanding left the building almost eight years ago.

Silence.

That is all I could come up with as I squinted my eyes to better understand this enigma of a man in front of me.

He left me.

He never spoke to me.

He hurt me.

And now after eight freaking years of silence he wants to tell me those things. The only remark that he deserved form me was :

Silence.

"I don't now anything about you, except what Mom, Dad, Emmett, or Alice tells me," he finished.

He looked defeated. Like the old Edward, back when he actually gave a damn about me.

But what the hell is he thinking, that I would just jump back into being his best friend again?

_I don't think so. _

Right now I was becoming angrier and angrier by the second.

"Not much to say, same old, same old," I replied, my voice thick with sarcasm and my face was without an ounce of concern.

"You know that's not true," he said blatantly.

_Do I?_

Alice and Jasper decided finally to make their appearance at the table.

"What's not true?" Alice asked.

"Nothing Alice, nothing at all," I said, as I got up from the table to retreat to the restroom and away from him.

Of course, Alice followed me. I guess from my tone and the look on my face, she must of caught on that I was not a happy camper.

"What did he do?" She asked.

Oh, now you choose to be perceptive Alice?

Why would she leave me alone with him in the first place?

"Your brother just decided to see how my life has been after eight years, and to tell me misses me," I remarked, being totally sarcastic and rolling my eyes.

"Bella, I know this is going to be hard for you to hear, but I know he misses you. He talks and asks about you anytime anyone of us talks to him. He still cares you know," She revealed to me.

What?

He cares?

_I think not. _

If he cared he would of called, or wrote, or something. You just can't fall out of someone's life for all those years and then be expected to be welcomed back. It does not work that way.

"I don't care if he misses me, I don't care if he does care. Why are you just telling me all this now?" I asked.

I was pissed.

_Damn right._

Why didn't she or Emmett tell me?

For years all I wanted was to talk to him to make up for what I did wrong. I thought he hated me, probably still does. But regardless he stopped talking to me, he did not want to be my friend.

"I know how bad he hurt you and I didn't want to make you mad, upset or something," she said with all sincerity.

Oh great, now I feel like a bigger dumbass.

Let's just keep everything from Bella.

_Sounds about right._

I washed my hands and we went back to the table where we were joined by Emmett and Rose.

"I think we should make a toast." Emmett bellowed to make sure we could hear him over the music. He then proceeded to pour all the shot glasses and distribute them.

"What are we going to toast besides you and Rose?" Edward asked. A small smirk forming at the corner of his lips.

_God, his lips._

"Alice and Jasper on their engagement," he said, while raising his glass in the air. "And to our little Bella, getting engaged to Jake."

Apparently Edward had already started to drink before he heard the last part. Just then Edward spit out all of his tequila, going everywhere across the table. He looked dumbfounded.

_He didn't see that one coming._

His eyes darted from Emmett who just made the comment and then directing them solely on me.

"Wha…What?" he asked. His green eyes that were usually light and inviting, had turned dark and cold.

_He was pissed._

I guess he was never informed that I got engaged at Christmas, three weeks ago(along with Alice and Jasper). He turned bright red, like he was furious and looked straight at me looking for an answer.

"Well you know a lot can happen in eight years," I said, as I hammered down another shot.

I excused myself from the table and didn't even look back. A deafening silence was heard from the table that I had just abandoned. Good, maybe I accomplished what I wanted to do, but I think I should put a stake through the heart per se. I proceeded to head over to the DJ booth, so I could go onstage. I needed to release some pent up frustration.

Damn, the pixie caught me on my way.

She wanted to stop me. "Whatcha doing?" she asked in her little voice trying to be extra sweet.

"I'm gonna sing," I stated, as I looked over at her, gave her a evil smile and winked.

Placing her hands on her waist, she said, "Isabella Swan, I know you are up to something."

"Nope." I said as I popped the "p". After I gave her a hug and walked up onstage.

Wow, the crowd was really rowdy tonight. I was getting a little nervous. Not because I was a bad singer, I actually was pretty good. No, I was scared because I could feel a certain pair of emerald eyes watching me.

Okay Bella, breathe in,

breathe out,.

This is going to be perfect. The music was starting and I walked the stage so I could work the crowd.

**I wake up every evening, with a big smile on my face**

**And it never feels out of place**

**And your still probably working at a 9 to 5 pace**

**I wonder how bad that tastes**

**When you see my face**

(I looked right at him and then back out at the crowd, while I pulled out all my hair out from the pony tail and swung my hair so it fell out around my shoulders.)

**Hope it gives you hell**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**When you walk my way**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**Now where's your picket fence love**

**And where's that shiny car**

**Did it ever get you far**

**You've never seem so tense love**

**I've never seen you fall so hard**

**Do you even know where you are**

**And truth be told I miss you **( I pointed right at him- HA!)

**And truth be told I'm lying**

**When you see my face**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**When you walk my way**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**If you find a "girl" that's worth a damn and treats you well**

**Then "she's" a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself**

**Yeah, where'd it all go wrong, the list goes on and on**

**And truth be told I miss you**

**And truth be told I'm lying**

**When you see my face**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**When you walk my way**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**If you find a "girl" that's worth a damn and treats you well**

**Then "she's" a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell**

**Now you'll never see, what you've done to me**

**You can take back all your memories they're no good to me **(I stared right at him)

**And here's all your lies**

**You can look me in the eyes **(I pulled my fingers to my face)

**With that sad, sad look that you wear so well**

**When you see my face **( I signaled to get the crowd to sing with me, they didn't disappoint)

**Hope it gives you hell**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**When you walk my way**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**If you find a "girl" that's worth a damn and treats you well**

**Then "she's" a fool, you're just as well, hope it gives you hell**

**When you see my face**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**When you walk my way**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**When you hear this song and sing along, oh you'll never tell**

**That you're the fool, I'm just as well**

**Hope it gives you hell**

**When you hear this song I hope it will give you hell**

**You can sing along I hope that it will treat you well…………**

With that I took a bow and blew kisses to Edward.

Get the point now?

I came down from the stage and walked over to the table, grabbed my purse, gave Rose and Alice a hug. I told Jasper and Emmett a brief goodbye and walked right out the door to get a cab.

I never looked back.

* * *

**Cliffie Queen out!! Song by the All American Rejects!!!- Give you Hell!!  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**The Wedding**

I arrived at The Plaza with only seconds to spare, the hangover that I was suffering from would not seem to lessen, which just added to my problems that I was having today. This was one of those days that I would rather just go back to bed and pull the covers up over my face and wait for the next day. I knew that I was in trouble the moment I walked into the room where Alice, Rose and I were to get dressed.

"What was that last night?" Alice asked, as she came up to my side to walk me to the hairdresser that was hired by Rose for the event.

"Nothing, why?" I said nonchalantly.

"Well what was with the song and then leaving like that?" she said as she put me physically down in the chair.

"OW!! Be gentle, I have a bit of a headache and I don't need you helping it out any," I yelled at Alice, just then the hairdresser started getting instructions on my hair from Alice.

"Where's Rose?" I asked.

"I think she's getting herself a little worked up over her wedding, or she has a hangover, because she's been visiting the restroom quite a few times this morning," Alice replied.

She left me to the hairdressers devices while she went to go check up on Rose.

After getting ready for almost two and a half hours, Esme and Mrs. Hale came in for a quick visit with us before the big event. Esme has always been so great with me,she is my second mother. I had not seen her to much after we graduated from high school though, since she went with Edward to California for a while. I always thought it was strange that he would have his mom go with him, but I never questioned it.

She came up to me and gave me a hug. "It was so nice to see all of you kids to together like old time," Esme said.

"Yes, just like old times," I said trying to be as considerate as possible. I did not want to seem indifferent to Esme, she deserved better from me.

"And seeing you with Edward just makes me smile," she added, as she looked me straight in the eye searching for a reaction.

"Hmmmmm," I replied.

She noticed I was not to keen on the subject. I am sure that she already knew of what transpired all those years ago, but I never brought it up.

"He has missed you, so very much," she said, giving my hand a final squeeze.

Esme quickly made her way over to give Rose some attention. I stood there in a daze.

Why is everyone bringing up this subject? I should be a non issue, but instead I had heard more of Edward in two days, then in the past five years.

We lined up for the processional and I felt as nervous as Rose probably did.

Why though?

I had a hangover right?

Maybe that was it, I didn't want to get sick, or stumble, or see him.

_STOP BELLA!!_

The doors opened up and I walked forward. There was about twenty five rows on either side of the isle. Luckily, I kept looking down to see where my steps were leading me, so that I could concentrate on not falling. Public humiliation was not on my to do list today, but it was early. At about the tenth row, I looked up to see Emmett, he had a huge grin on his face and was elbowing Jasper, probably because of some bet that they made regarding me being able to walk without falling flat on my face. I scowled at both of them and they both seemed to behave. I saw my parents and gave them a steadfast smile before looking forward towards the boys again.

That's when he came into view.

_Edward._

He looked perfect, like a model for just out of the pages of a magazine. The tux that he had on , just made him more flawless. His hair was the usual array of glorious colors ranging from brown, honey and bronze. His traditional style of sex hair was prevalent again. I am beginning to think he never actually combs it, just runs his fingers through it. Trust me it looks good.

UGH!! I need to stop it, thinking like this never helps anyone.

I had Jake.

I loved Jake.

Jake and I are getting married in almost four months.

I am happy. I am happy. This was becoming my mantra.

I guess I was staring a little too long, because Edward looked up at me and smiled the hugest smile that I had not seen in over eight years from him. I suddenly blushed at being caught.

_Damn you, Edward Anthony Cullen!_

Great, now I feel like even a bigger fool for looking at him.

The wedding went off without a hitch, until I was escorted back by a certain demon.

"Well we meet again," he said, with a hint of humor.

"Trust me it's not that I wanted to," I replied, while trying to pull my arm away from him.

"Now why do you have to be like that?" he responded, while grabbing on to my arm tighter, like he was not going to let it go.

"You know as soon as we get through those doors, you're not touching me anymore!" I spat at him, while trying to lessen his death lock from me.

"We'll see," he added.

* * *

We had pictures taken in Central Park, which was beautiful. Since it was early January, there was some light snow cover and flurries which made the pictures even more exquisite. I had been with Alice and Rose getting our pictures taken when Edward came up behind me and scared me.

"You look beautiful today, Bella," Edward whispered in my ear.

It sent a chill up my spine that was different from the one I felt being out in the elements right now.

_Why is it he still has this effect on me after all this time?_

I tried moving away from him, and ignoring him, but instead he grabbed my waist and turned me around.

There was some distance still in between us when I looked up into his eyes. I was astonished by his brazen behavior.

"What?" I grunted, while trying to remove myself from him.

Looking at him, his eyes were not the usual emerald green but a darker hue, almost black tinged. He was frowning and I could not detect any happiness on his part what so ever.

"I just want to talk to you Bella, please?" he said as he let go of my sides. His voice was little and sounded defeated, like he was begging me.

"What do we have to talk about?" I answered, while looking in a different direction.

I did not want to see his eyes anymore. It made me feel sorry for him, like I was a evil person for not giving him what he wanted. That was not the case.

He quit talking to me.

He left me.

And now he wants to talk?

_ How very nice of him._

"We have a lot to talk about, it has been along time," he said, placing himself directly in front of me.

"Edward, what do you want from me? It's been almost eight years, eight freaking years. I have not heard from you in all that time. It isn't like you didn't know where I was. I've been here. I wanted to talk to you too, but that was along time ago and I've grown up. I have a life, Edward. And now you want to talk. That's just great."

Boy, was I getting riled up. I was trying to keep myself from strangling him right now.

"I just want to talk, Bella, I would even like to be friends again, if we could." He said, but then he held his hands up in retreat. " I will take whatever I can get. I know I have not been a good friend to you and you deserve better than that. Just please." He turned around where I could not see his face and walked off towards the limo.

I don't know what is going on.

Why did it matter if I talked to him or not?

He had not tried in so long.

He hurt me, not for the fact that he didn't love me.

Okay that hurt a little.

_Just a little?_

But he just left, he didn't say goodbye. He never even glanced my way. We could of gotten all past that, sure I would of felt like a total ass, but you just don't throw away eighteen years of knowing someone like that and never look back.

Unless your Edward Cullen.

**Hey hey hey so how'd you like it please review and tell us we love to hear what you say!!! The next chapter will be the reception and boy are you guys in for a treat!!! Hope you like that one too!!! Never forget we love you!!! xoxoxoxoxox!!!**


	3. Chapter 3

_Sorry that it took this long for a update. Please remember that Stephanie Meyer owns all that is twilight._

I was sitting at the table in a cloud. People were all around me talking amongst themselves. My dad, Charlie, was talking to my step mom, Sue. My mom and step dad, Phil, were in their own little world as well. I just sat here oblivious to their worlds, thinking.

Thinking of Edward, about what he said, what he did, the look in his eyes.

What the hell does is all mean?

Like some cryptic game I don't understand, or a joke that I am the last one to get.

I think it would be easier for me just to hate him. Easier than thinking about him not wanting to even talk to me for all those years.

Easier than thinking that he didn't love me.

He. Did. Not. Love. Me.

Gosh, I cannot tell you how long it took to just understand that. I thought the signs were all there, the holding hands, the close intimate talks about life, him holding me while we slept, the sweet (so sweet) kisses on my forehead, the look in his eyes. But I guess I was blind. So what do I do?

I mean I am an adult, shit I'm freaking twenty six years old, not the stupid, naïve eighteen year old that he once knew. I need to get over this.

Yeah, this is what I keep telling myself. I can be civil for one night, and then I can move on to planning my wedding with Jake.

Alice and Jasper were done giving their toasts to Rose and Emmett. Now there was going to be a surprise that I want to see. Rose let Emmett have basically one decision for this wedding and that was picking out the first song. The only two warnings that she gave him was that there be no Elvis, and second, if he disappoints her in any way there will be hell to pay and no wedding night. Talk about pressure, I had to giggle when the band was making the announcement for their first song. The song started slowly, and I think he is going to be in trouble. Elvis.

**_Wise men say, only fools rush in._**

**_But I can't help falling in love with you_**

**_Wise men say, only fools rush in._**

**_But I can't help falling in love with you_**

**_Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?_**

**_I can't help falling in love with you_**

I just stood off to the side of the dance floor watching the two of them. They are so happy, so in love. I was jealous. I wish I felt that intensity that the two of them had. Even Jasper and Alice had it, you can see the two of them and just by looking at each other they can convey everything. Every emotion, every felling, every word that can remain unspoken. I loved Jake, it is just that I wish I had that. That felling that I/he could not exist in this life with out the other. I don't think I could say that, at least for my part. But he is my best friend, my confident, my life now.

**_As the river flows_**

**_Gently to the sea_**

**_Darling so we go_**

**_Some things were meant to be_**

**_Take my hand_**

**_Take my whole life too_**

**_Cause I can't help falling in love with you_**

I looked over to where Alice was and she was talking to Edward.

Edward and a girl.

_No, Edward and a woman._

Great. Not only do I have to be here with all of this dateless, but I had to watch him with someone else.

UGH!!! I just want to slap myself. I have no claim to him. So what if he has a date, who knows maybe its just casual, or maybe she is…

WOW!!!

She is pretty. Long blond curly hair, and perfect flawless skin. They looked like they belonged together, like two matching bookends, two models that just walked off the catwalk. I notice her look over towards me and then for some reason she looks at Edward and threads her arm through his, and he is smiling. I guess casual is out.

Why do I care?

I don't, so that's why I want to run away, out of this room, away from all of this.

**_As the river flows_**

**_Gently to the sea_**

**_Darling so we go_**

**_Some things were meant to be_**

**_Take my hand_**

**_Take my whole life too_**

**_Cause I can't help falling in love with you_**

Why is he staring at me, he has her. I am so sick of this I just want to go up to him and ask him what the hell is his problem?

**_I can't help falling in love with you_**

**_I can't help falling in love with you_**

**_I can't help falling in love with you_**

The song then changed to Stardust.

I had to get out of here, but then my dad catches me trying to make a prison break, and asks me to dance. It was actually really sweet dancing with him like this. It brings back fond memories when he would dance with me when I was little. Being five or six and my dad lifting me up and twirling me.

"Bells, what's wrong?" he asks. "You look like you are a million miles away."

"Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind, that's all," I told him, as I looked over to where Edward was sitting with Esme, Carlisle, and what-ever-her-name-is.

Just then Edward looks to me and smiles.

My dad must of noticed. "It's good to see Edward again isn't it?" He turned to wave at Edward and his fellow guests who were still watching.

"Yes, yes it is," I admitted, barely audible, but I am sure that my dad heard.

When the song ended, I almost made it back to the table before being stopped by Emmett wanting to dance.

I gladly accepted, I was in need of some comedy tonight to brighten my mood.

"Hey baby," he said, trying horribly I might add to sound sexy. "Fancy meeting you here."

"You better not let Rose hear you talking like that." I said, laughing at him.

He was hilarious when he is drunk.

"Ha, ha, she'll never know," he slurred.

"Hey, I don't go for married men-nope, sorry," I told him, as he tried to look upset.

Leave it to Emmett to brighten up even the gloomiest of days for me. We continued to banter like this for about a minute more.

"So how mad is Rose over the song?" I asked.

"Ub40 babe, not Elvis," he stated, as rather matter of fact.

"Oh, okay whatever you say," I smarted back.

"Hey, I actually brought my ipod with the song to back up my testimony, judge," he joked.

After the song was finished, I continued the evening dancing with Phil, Jasper and Carlisle. I have to admit, it made the night go by faster. I called Jake to leave him a message, telling him about all the fun I was having with out him.

I walked into the bathroom to check over my hair and makeup when I saw her.

_The whatever-her-name-is her._

She was beautiful. Standing this close to her made me feel very, very insignificant. She had long blonde hair, the kind that you would take a picture to your hairdresser and beg for her to copy. She was tall, not crazy Amazon woman, but a good four inches taller than my 5'8" size. The 'her' was perfectly built, shit I bet she could even give model, insanely gorgeous, Rose, a run for her money in the looks department. How many radiant looking people do I have to be around in one day. All it does for a plain Jane like me is make me feel even more like dirt.

No worse than dirt, what's lower- yeah shit.

I feel like shit.

I apparently was still staring for a little bit to long.

"Hi, I'm Tanya," she stated, extending her hand to greet me.

Clearly I could not continue to call her whatever-her name-is.

_Damn I liked the sound of that._

Then she didn't hold any real significance, just a chance, a passing fancy.

"Bella, Bella Swan," I responded, while shaking her outstretched perfectly manicured hand.

"Oh, so your Bella, I have heard so much about the famous 'Bella Swan'," she smirked. She had a look of arrogance upon her face. All along trying to play it off with a not so subtle laugh.

_Bitch._

"Hmm, really?" I asked, trying to play off the uncomfortable feeling that I was getting in the pit of my stomach.

"Yes, I heard how you are old friends with Edward. He talks about you a lot," she stated while trying to reapply her fading lip gloss upon her lips.

"Oh, so you must be his date tonight then?" I asked, as I looked away trying to deflect her from looking me in the eyes and reading me like a open book.

"Yes, date, yes I am." She smiled, but it soon feel like she had realized something.

But what? She quickly turned and exited the bathroom, at a rushed pace. What in the hell is going on?

And why do I give a crap?

_Because you do._

When I returned to the reception area, I was surveying the room to look where she disappeared so swiftly to. I saw Tanya and Edward having a heated discussion in the corner of the room. He was running his hand throughout his hair. He happened to catch me gazing at him and he smiled while disengaging himself from the conversation. In one quick moment, it went from her having his total and complete attention, to him being locked into a dreamlike stare with me. She looked up at me sheepishly, like she had been a child caught in a lie or something. Like she was asking for my forgiveness. I know that I had not had but only the congratulatory glass of Champaign, but I did not understand anything that was going on.

I walked over to Emmett and Rose, to tell them farewell for the evening and before they went on their honeymoon to Paris. I was continuing my goodbyes to my family when I felt a hand at the small of my back. I turned suddenly and felt like a deer caught in headlights.

I couldn't move, I was stuck.

"Hi, Charlie," the velvet voice said as I continued looking straight into his emerald eyes, searching.

"Edward, how have you been," my father called back while stretching his arm out to meet Edwards.

"Great, I actually wanted to ask Bella to dance before the night ended," Edward said as soon as he was done shaking my fathers hand.

"Oh well, you have good timing, she was just about to head out," my father admitted while looking smugly upon me.

Darn him, I wanted to make a clean get away.

I mouthed "thanks" to my dad and he just shrugged and smiled in apology. Edward was leading me to the dance floor, where all the others were assembled.

"So, I guess cornering me with my father is one way to force the issue of dancing right?" I growled at him.

He just laughed. God I missed that laugh. I missed so much.

_I missed him so much._

"Well, I doubt that you would turn me down in front of your father, if that's what you mean. He adores me," he whispered into my ear. He lingered there a little longer than I though was a friendly display.

"Yeah, I know," I whispered back. It would be impossible for anyone else to hear if they were standing farther away than what Edward was now.

"So I met Tanya, she seems very nice," I told him, trying to change the subject. It worked, he backed away to take into view my whole face.

"Yes, nice, Tanya is nice," he answered, still staring me straight in the eye. Never wavering like he was trying to gauge my reaction to the information at hand.

"So is she your…..?" I started to ask, as I broke away the staring contest going on. I looked down so he could not tell that I really cared.

"Date, she is my date. Tanya is my date," he admitted, almost angrily that he had to discuss it at all with me.

"Okay, no need to get defensive, I just was trying to talk to you," I smarted back, as I tried to pull away from him. He didn't let go.

"So where is, um, your fiancé?

"Jake," I answered, looking right at him in defiance, but he would not look at me. He was looking right past me trying to avoid eye contact. "Jake is taking care of his father, he lives in Washington, right outside of Seattle. Billy, his dad, just had a heart attack, so.." I continued, trying to change the game, while giving out way to much information.

"Oh is everything alright?" he asked, his voice and face was full of concern.

"Yes, he's doing a lot better," I stated, just as the song changed and Edward led me to the dance floor.

He pulled me close, his one hand resting on my waist, the other still on the small of my back, not allowing to escape this personal bubble. I had my arms, reluctantly placed upon his shoulder, still trying to keep a barrier between us.

**_A drop in the ocean_**

**_A change in the weather_**

**_I was praying that you and me might end up together_**

**_It's like wishing for rain, as I stand in the desert_**

**_But I'm holding you closer than most_**

**'_Cause you are my heaven_**

Could there be any worse song for them to play? He just continued to gaze at me, reading my expressions that were playing out like a play across my face.

**_I don't wanna waste the weekend_**

**_If you don't love me pretend_**

**_A few more hours_**

**_Then it's time to go_**

**_As my train rolls down the East Coast_**

**_I wonder how you'll keep warm_**

**_It's to late to cry,_**

**_Too broken to move on_**

**_And still I can't let you be_**

**_Most nights I hardly sleep_**

**_Don't take what you don't need from me._**

**_It's just a drop in the ocean,_**

**_A change in the weather_**

**_I was praying that you and me might end up together_**

**_It's like wishing for rain, as I stand in the desert_**

**_But I'm holding you closer than most_**

**'_Cause you are my heaven_**

I couldn't take it anymore, my eyes were filling up with tears, as I remembered everything. Being this close to him, let open the dormant floodgate of feelings that I have kept at bay all these years. He must of noticed since he took my arms and placed them both behind his neck, making the already compromising situation even closer. And for that moment, now I let my self be here with him, like this. No Jake, No Tanya. I pulled in closer and rested my cheek up against his shoulder.

**_Misplaced trust and old friends,_**

**_Never counting regrets_**

**_By the grace of God_**

**_I do not rest at all_**

**_New England as the leaves change_**

**_The last excuse that I'll claim I was a boy who loved a women like a little girl_**

**_And still I can't let you be_**

**_Most nights I hardly sleep_**

**_Don't take what you don't need from me._**

Edward started singing to me so low, but clearly enough for me to hear, he continued to rub my back up and down with his fingers.

**_It's just a drop in the ocean,_**

**_A change in the weather_**

**_I was praying that you and me might end up together_**

**_It's like wishing for rain, as I stand in the desert_**

**_But I'm holding you closer than most_**

**"_Cause you are my heaven_**

**_Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore no no_**

**_Heaven doesn't seem far away_**

**_Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore no no_**

**_Heaven doesn't seem far away_**

**_It's just a drop in the ocean,_**

**_A change in the weather_**

**_I was praying that you and me might end up together_**

**_It's like wishing for rain, as I stand in the desert_**

**_But I'm holding you closer than most_**

**"_Cause you are my heaven_**

**_You are my heaven………._**

On the last part he whispered it right in my ear, and lingered again, much, much longer than I felt comfortable with. He slid his lips across my cheek, to the corner of my mouth.

"I wish you would give me a chance, Bella…" he said as he pulled away slowly form me, then he kissed my cheek and walked out the door, leaving me standing there wondering…..


	4. Chapter 4

Sunday always comes to late….

I laid here in my bed, in the bed that I shared with Jake, still thinking about everything that had happened last night. Thinking of how close I was to Edward, how wonderful it felt when he held me, when he sang to me, when his lips lingered there. I thought as I touched my cheek, still trying to recreate the feeling that he had left there.

I had healed so much over the past few years, it took so much to get over, the rejection, loosing your best friend.

What more could a girl hope for?

Oh, I don't know, how about not talking to that said best friend, that you told you were in love with, because he wouldn't speak to me.

Sounds about right.

The real question is why is he even bothering after all this time?

What does he hope to accomplish?

I had talked to Jacob a couple of times on the phone and to my disappointment was informed that he was looking at staying out there with his dad until the wedding, which was just a few months off. He wanted my okay to see about transferring to the Seattle office for the time being. I could not object. This is what he needed to do, he wanted to be there for his dad.

So that was going to leave me planning all of this alone, well not really alone. I doubt that I would be allowed any say so on anything to do with my wedding, since Alice is involved. She already had her wedding dress, bridesmaids dresses picked out, catering taken care of and decided on a cake. All she had to do is deliver her order to Marion, who is our wedding planner, tomorrow. We both had an appointment with her tomorrow to get started on planning for our big days, the happiest day of our lives.

So why can I not get excited about this?

Maybe because it is so far off that it does not even seem real yet.

_Or maybe it's something else._

Sunday morning quickly turned into Sunday afternoon, and then Sunday evening. I had just gotten out of the tub when the phone rang.

"Hello," I said.

"Hey Bella, I just wanted to make sure that we are still on tomorrow for our meeting with Marion at one. I thought that we could go to lunch first, you know at that quaint little bistro right across from the office and then head on up there," Alice inquired.

"Ye,p we are still on, I'll have to see about lunch though, I kind of got behind by taking off Friday, and from the latest office gossip, I heard that a quote un quote big boss was going to be starting at the Manhattan office tomorrow. Do you know anything about it?" I asked.

"No, Emmett or Edward hasn't updated me on anything like that, so it must not be that important. Anyway since I am kind of your boss, I am telling you that you are taking off from noon till the end of the day and if your new boss has a problem. Let me handle i," she stated.

As much as I hate nepotism, I really do enjoy that my best friends (well two out of three) own the company that I work for.

"Yes ma'am boss lady, so what time did you end up leaving the wedding?" I asked, trying to make small talk.

"Oh, about one in the morning. And then I went straight home to see all the pictures that Jasper had. Hey wait a minute, I am going to forward you some. There was a lot with you in them. At least you can send Jacob a picture so he knows what he missed out on," she told me, while I turned on my laptop to see when would receive the email from her.

" I just sent them, so you should be receiving them any moment now," she told me, and sure enough, I had mail.

"Alice how many did you send me, there must be over fifty pictures here?" I asked, as I started clicking on the thumbnail size pictures, to get a better glance.

"Oh that is just about half of it, the file was to huge to send, so I will send you the rest later," Alice said.

"Look at pictures forty to fifty-five, Bella," she instructed me.

I did so and then I wish I wouldn't of. There in front of me was further documentation of the previous night's events. The first one was Edward with his hand on my back while we where talking to my father. The second was him and I arm and arm walking across the ballroom. The next five or so were of when Edward and I were in the corner and he had his arms snaked around my waist. One of those was a close up of his face while he was staring at me. The next three were when we were dancing, and I swear he had the hugest smile on his face in all three of these. The last five were of me dancing with my father, Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper and Phil. Nothing to descript there.

"Bella do you see the one's of you dancing with everyone else? Look in the back ground, maybe even enlarge the picture if your software will allow you. Do you see who is watching you in the background. Look at the table to your left. You will see it," Alice told me.

And I did. I saw him just watching me. He looked so sad, he looked lost.

"What was that all about Alice? Why would he be watching me, he should have been dancing with that Tanya person. Wasn't that his date?" I asked.

"Bella, he just misses you and I know that him coming home was hard for him, especially seeing all of us and you, after being gone for so long. I can tell that nothing was going on with his date. They didn't even dance once," Alice said

"You mean they didn't even dance once, not even, nothing?" I asked.

"Nope, all though I did see them in quite a few discussions, but I doubt there is anything romantic there at all. Why do you want to know? Huh Bella?" Alice said, while trying to be funny at the end.

"I just wanted to know what was up with him last night. every time I would look up I would always meet his eyes somehow, I just found it..... a little odd since he had a very attractive date that he could have been paying attention to that is all," I responded.

After a few more minutes of talking, I let her go so I could go to bed. Actually I lied, all I did was go into my room and pulled out my old yearbook and started looking back at it. I flipped to the page where there was a picture of him and I at prom.

*Flashback May 2001*

"_Bella, I just requested a certain song that will hopefully move you in the right direction with my brother. Good luck," Alice told me as she rushed off to go find her date for the evening. _

_As soon as the music started the D.J. spoke out over the PA system. "This song was requested as a shout out for someone to get their butt in gear and take charge already. Well I hope you know who you are." Thank God she did not use my or her name._

_Just as the music started, Edward made his way through the gallery of girls that was following and made his way over to me._

"_Miss Swan, may I please have this dance," he asked as he held out his hand for me to take. _

_I quickly obliged and followed his lead before the vocals started. I put my arms around his neck and he descended his upon my back at my waist. He pulled me in tighter, and I truly regretted it._

_We were moving back and forth to the beat. I had my head on his chest as he placed his lips on head, and then my personal god spoke. "God Bella, I wish we could just stay like we are here, like this forever." And with that I looked up to see his face. His eyes were glazed over like he was deep in thought , and he started smiling my favorite Edward smile just for me. He then pulled me in tighter so I had my head resting on his upper chest._

_Then he started singing the lyrics of the song to me_

_You got it, You got it bad_

_If you miss a day without your friend_

_Your whole life's off track_

_You know you got it bad when_

_You stuck in the house and don't wanna have fun_

'_Cos all you think about_

_You got it bad when you are out with someone_

_But you keep thinking 'bout someone else_

_You got it bad_

"_Edward is everything okay? You would tell me if something was wrong right?" I asked. _

_He had seem so solemn the past couple of weeks, and I did not know what was wrong. I had tried asking Emmett and Alice but they had no insight to Edward. They usually left that up to me._

"_Bella, right now in this momen,t everything is perfect. I don't want you to worry about me. I just have some stuff on my mind and I do not want you to trouble yourself with my problems right now. I just want you to remember that I want you to be happy. No matter what. Okay?" he said as he lifted my chin up to see into my eyes. He looked pained like something was hurting him. I just wish that he would let me in and let me help him, however I can._

"_Okay, just remember if you ever need me I'm here, ready to listen," I told him. Then he leaned down to rest his head on the side of my head as he mumbled something. He started singing with the song again._

_I said I'm fortunate to have you girl_

_I want you to know I really adore you_

_All my people know what's going on _

_Look at your mate and help me sing my song_

_Tell her I'm your man ( and with this he kissed the top of my head again)_

_You're my girl (He squeezed me in closer to him)_

_I'm gonna tell it to the whole wide world_

_Ladies say I'm your girl_

_You're my man_

_Promise to love you the best I can ( he lifted his head up to look at me)_

_The song continued and when it was over he asked if I wanted to go ahead and leave for the night._

Flashback ended***

I had thought and others (Rose and Alice) had always said that they believed that Edward had felt the same way about me. Looking at these pictures that Alice had sent me, plus all the memories that I had of our time together, makes me fully believe that I was right, he had loved me.

But that changed nothing, and kind of everything.

**Sorry about taking so long for an update!!! I hope you like, and even if everyone does not review I plan on playing this out. Please review and let me know if you like or not!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Monday's blue**

I was running late this morning, of course all mornings to be running late. I had stayed up till about eleven last night. I had finally woke up this morning, at about half past seven, an hour later than my normal. I had forgot to reset my alarm from Saturday. I was not looking forward to taking a cab today, since I was unsure of the subway times for running this late. Luckily the weather was cooperating as best as it could for a Monday morning and at the end of January, in downtown New York. Today's forecast was overcast and dreary. For some reason I could not shake the feeling that today was really not going to be a good day for me, call it woman's intuition or whatever, but I had a bad feeling.

Fortunately even with my luck, I was able to make it in time before my nine o'clock staff meeting that I held every Monday. I had these just to get a update on where my editors were with on their projects. I had been promoted last fall to this position of Lead Supervisor of Editing, pretty much a vice president position, but with a different title. It also came with a nice bump in my paycheck also. My promotion entailed me supervising my editors under me. If they had a question, I helped, if they needed help with the Authors that they were working with, I was the middle man. In the end it was a lot less reading, which I truly missed, and a lot more diplomacy on my part. But I did not want to remain a book editor forever, so this was just the natural procession.

Julie, my assistant was waiting for me once I exited the elevator. She took my coat and briefcase, gave me my double latte that she had picked up for me every morning from the Starbuck's, down the street. After relaying a few messages and handing me my notes for today, I was making my way off to the conference room for my first meeting of the day.

"Hi everyone, if we could all take a seat and then we will get this meeting started," I told everyone in the room.

With some whispering and hushed sounds everyone quickly took there seats around the long conference table. I had about thirty editors surrounding the table with all eyes on me.

"Okay, so down to business, let's go around the table and give me an update on your projects," I said, everyone quickly gave a three minute overview of their projects, and I would interject my opinions and advice where I thought was necessary. For the editors that were finishing up their books or articles, I asked them to make an appointment to see me today or tomorrow so I could assign them their new projects. I was finishing up so I could return some of the phone calls, when their was some brief discussions going on as we all dispersed from the room.

I was walking back to my office when for some reason I decided to look at who was exiting the elevator.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

Tanya.

She was flanked by a short woman in her late thirties-early forties, who was jotting down a bunch of notes that apparently her boss was dictating to her. I pulled myself into an empty cubical and continued to watch. She was looking around the room at all the offices and work stations, pointing. She would utter something to her assistant and then look down at what she had written and nod in confirmation.

"Miss Swan, is there something I can help you with?" One of my editors asked, looking bewildered. Oh crap I completely for got that I was in one of my Editor's space. I stood up out of her chair, and excused myself, only to see that I was caught by Tanya.

"Bella?" Tanya asked. I quickly turned to face her holding my files and my coffee close to my body.

She looked beautiful even in work clothes. She had on a dark, charcoal power suit, with a black fitted top underneath. Her hair was down in curly ringlets that covered her head. To say that I was feeling a little inferior at the moment would be an understatement.

"Tanya, hi. What.. What are you doing here?" I asked, trying to shuffle all the files that were now becoming cumbersome in my arms.

"Here let me help you,"she stated, as she noticed my problem and quickly grabbed half of the files from my arms, I started to lead her to my office.

"Thanks," I said as I led her into my office. As soon as we entered, I motioned to my desk.

"Just set them anywhere," I said. She nodded proceeded to set them on the corner of my desk, knocking off a picture that was sitting there.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she responded as she knelt down to pick up the picture. I noticed her picking it up to take a closer look at it.

"This is a nice picture that you have Bella., Tanya commented, with a smug look on her face, while passing the picture back to me.

I took a closer look and it was one taken at prom of my senior year. In the picture was Rose with Emmett, Alice with her date, and Edward and I. The picture was taken by Esme in front of their fireplace.

"Thanks, not that it is not nice to see you again, but what are you doing here?" I asked while trying to rearrange the items on my desk.

" I work here now," she said, looking directly at me.

"What floor? I didn't know that you worked for the Cullens," I asked, trying not to disclose to much curiosity in my voice. I guess Alice knew nothing of this or she would have told me last night.

"The thirty-fifth," she answered, still staring straight at me as she spoke, with no emotion displayed upon her face.

"That is the executive offices floor," I stated, as she nodded in agreement.

Was she the new boss that was coming? I was pretty sure I would of heard something, since I basically answered to just one person, Elezar, who was the president of the division. He had been with the company for almost forty years and had helped the Cullen kids with the transition when they inherited the company. I had a meeting with him on Thursday, and spoke nothing of it.

"Yes it is. Well it was nice seeing you again Bella, I am sure I will be talking to you again very soon," Tanya said, before she left my office.

I just stood there looking at my desk wondering what in the hell is going on. The only ones that have offices on that floor was Elezar, who had a permanent office there with his secretaries. Alice and Emmett had offices there also, but since they hardly ever used them, they usually stayed at the Cullen Corporation headquarters that were a few blocks over. I wanted to call Alice to find out what was going on until I got interrupted.

The phone rang and I hit the button to put the caller on speaker phone, being to lazy to hold the receiver to my ear.

"Miss Swan , I am just letting you know that Mr. Denali's secretary just called and asked if you could go see him in his office at 11:30," Julie said.

"That is fine. Did she happen to say what the meeting is about?" I asked. I was trying to keep my nerves calmed down, but they were everywhere.

"No, she did not say what the meeting was for , I could call back and ask if you would like," she stated.

"No, no that is fine 11:30 it is. Oh Julie I need you to clear my schedule after that, I will be leaving right after to meet Alice."

"Sure will do Miss Swan," she stated and then we disconnected the line.

At about 11:15 I decided to call Jake and say hi, before I got to busy with everything that I had going today.

He told me of his meeting with his new boss. He was so happy to be starting tomorrow. He had rented a small apartment for the time being since he was not looking forward to the two hour shuttle to Seattle each day. I told him I would ship out some his clothes that he would be needing over the next couple of months.

As soon as I got off the phone with Jake I headed up to my meeting with Elezar.

Elezar was in his mid sixties, he had grey hair that was balding. He was very friendly and helpful. I learned everything from him. No one could ever ask for a better boss.

I was greeted by his secretary and shown into his office. His office was about three times the size of the one that I had. He stood as I entered the room to greet me. He motioned for me to sit on the couch. I was asked by his secretary if I would like anything to drink. I politely declined the offer waiting for Elezar to begin.

"Bella, it will just be about five minutes and the other two that will be joining us will be here," he said. I just nodded in agreement. He was quietly looking over some papers while sitting in his chair that was situated next to the couch. There was another chair that was directly across from where he was sitting, and centered in the middle was a coffee table. I had pulled out my blackberry to make a few notes to myself while we waited. After a couple of minutes, I noticed some footsteps approaching the door. I immediately turned my head to see who the mystery guests where. The door was opened and in came Tanya.

"Tanya, how are you settling in?" Elezar asked, as he gestured for her to join us sitting next to me on the couch.

"Fine, thank you," She said harshly, straightening her jacket as she sat.

"Oh, Bella this is Tanya Denali, Tanya, Bella Swan," he said while looking at both of us.

"We have already met," Tanya said.

"Oh, well that is nice," he said. I was thinking Denali?

"Tanya, your last name is Denali?" I asked, looking right at her then to Elezar.

"Yes, Elezar is my uncle," Tanya answered. I looked to Elezar and he had a smile on his face.

"Tanya is he coming?" Elezar asked Tanya.

"Yes, he should be here any minute," she reported. I was wondering who this mystery person was. I kept looking back and forth between the two and I was getting no response what so ever.

"Elezar, may I ask who else we are waiting for?" I asked, and just as he was beginning to answer the door was opened. I turned to look at the mystery person when in walked him.

_ Edward._

"Elezar, I am sorry that I was late, I got caught up in a meeting at the other office," he stated as he walked over to shake Elezar's hand.

"It is so nice to see you Edward, please tell Emmett and Rose that I was sorry that I could not attend their wedding on Saturday," Elezar responded. Edward quickly walked over to where we were seated.

"Bella, Tanya," he said and then sat in the chair seated directly across from Elezar.

"Edward," I said. I was shocked. I knew he was back, but what in the world would he be doing here and with Tanya?

He quickly smiled at me and then looked to Tanya.

"Bella, you are probably wondering what I called you here for," Elezar started. All my attention was on him while he spoke.

I nodded and then he continued, "Bella I am going to be retiring here in a couple of months and I wanted to tell you before a final announcement is made."

"Elezar that is great, when are you going to be leaving?" I asked.

"I will be officially retiring on April first, Carmen is looking forward to us traveling the world at last," he commented.

"Bella, Tanya is going to be taking over in a interim position until a final decision can be made on who will be the new president of the publishing division," Edward stated. I looked over to him and nodded in understanding.

I knew it. I knew Alice did not know what the hell she was talking about, when it came to Edward's relationship with Tanya.

"Tanya, that is great. Congratulations," I said, trying to form a smile as I looked to her.

"Thank you Bella, I just hope that there is no hard feelings, that I was chosen for this instead of you," she responded with a smug look on her face.

She talked as if this whole speech was planned out.

"No, Tanya, not at all. I just got appointed last fall, so no where in the realm of possibility was I even thinking that." Well maybe that was a lie. I knew or at least I hoped someday maybe in a few years I was assuming. But not now at only twenty-six years old.

"Bella, I will also be here also. I will be overseeing Tanya. We are hoping to merge a couple of our divisions and one of them that I was supervising. We are also in the process of acquiring a couple of multi media outlets and was thinking of joining them somehow with the publishing division," Edward told me.

I felt like the carpet was being pulled right out from underneath me. How was I going to handle working every day with him?

Well I would not see him everyday, but you get what I mean. Tanya too. I can tell that she necessarily is not very fond of me.

I was further informed that Tanya was essentially Executive Vice President in the corporation. She had worked with Edward out in L.A. at the distribution division for three years. When Elezar had conveyed his desire to retire, they decide to make the move back East….together. I loved my job. I really did , but this was drastically changing my outlook on things.

"Bella, how soon do you think you can get a status report on all the projects that you are overseeing? Do you think that you could have it tomorrow for me?" Tanya asked. Great I had an appointment to meet Alice and Marion, and then I was going to take the rest of the day off. I guess those plans would have to be cancelled. To get together that report, I would probably need to work until late tonight.

"That's fine I will get it to you in the morning," I said.

"Well now that is all worked out, I guess that we will just have your regular meeting on Thursday, Bella," Elezar stated. He began to stand signaling the end of the meeting. I followed suit along with Tanya.

"Well I will see all of you later, I have to head out for a couple of hours Elezar, but if you need anything, I should be back in the office about three," I stated as I walked to the door. He nodded. As I left, I took a quick glance at Edward and smiled. He smiled back and mouthed 'goodbye'.

"So Bella, where are you headed off to?" Tanya asked, as we exited Elezar's office.

"I am meeting Alice, you know Edward's sister for lunch and than we have an appointment together at one," I answered. What business is it of hers where I go for any time. Technically I did not answer to her until April.

I quickly went to my office and retrieved my purse and jacket and wedding magazines so I could meet Alice. She was waiting for me at a table already when I arrived.

"Bella, where have you been? You're fifteen minutes late,"she asked as I sat down in the seat next to her.

"Meeting the new bosses," I told her sarcastically. She had already ordered a salad and ice tea for both of us.

"What, who? I heard nothing about this," she said, before she took a fork to her mouth that was full of lettuce.

"Tanya, and your brother Edward. How could you of not known, or Emmett? I could of at least had a little warning. Now I am going to have to work with them every day." I huffed in frustration.

"Bella, I promise you that I didn't know that Tanya was going to be working with you, and Edward, what is he thinking? I know that he was wanting to come back here to oversee things, but I didn't think that he would choose the publishing division to do so."

"Oh she is not working with me, she is going to be my boss for a little while," I told her. I was trying to drink as much of my ice tea as possible to settle myself down

"What! What do you mean she is going to be your boss? And what is Edward going to be doing there?" Alice asked.

"Elezar is retiring," I answered.

" I forgot about that. He told us about two weeks ago. But why is she going to be your boss?" Alice stated..

"Well the division does need a president Alice," I said. I shrugged my shoulders to add to my statement.

"Well then why didn't we appoint you? I'm sure you would have done a much better job than her anyway. Wait a minute what is her last name?" She asked.

"Denali. I know she is Elezar's niece. I bet he put in a good word for her or something," I informed her.

"Tanya, Tanya Denali, why did I not put this together earlier? Bella from what I know she was one of the division heads out West with Edward. He had to go in and clean up a couple of her messes. I would be careful with her," she said.

Great, already warning about my new semi temporary boss.

"Well I could always quit." I replied as I put my last bite in my mouth.

"You will not, I'll have you transfer down to the corporate offices before I let you do that," she stated, looking a little taken aback that I would even suggest such a thing.

"Alice what would I do there?"

"You could work in our marketing division, or once we acquire the magazine companies that we are looking at we are going to need out own Supervising Editors. Oh, Bella, that would be perfect. You could come and work with me everyday. And Emmett, oh that would be so great," she explained, she seemed very happy with herself to come to this kind of solution on her own.

"Alice we'll see, maybe things won't be that bad. I just am a little leery about being that close to Edward after all this time," I said to her.

"It will be fine, he is harmless, plus it would most likely benefit you in your favor working there with Tanya an all. You know that if you have to many problems or cannot handle it we, all three of us, would have your back," Alice said as motioning to the waiter for the bill. I tried paying but the evil pixie would let nothing of the sort.

The ride in Alice's car to Marion's office was short. We had arrived at precisely at one. We were shown in quickly.

"Hello ladies, I am Marion St. Clair, you are?" she asked.

"Bella Swan," I answered.

"And I'm Alice Cullen," Alice responded.

"So nice to meet both of you. Now let us get down to business. I know that both of you had inquired to The Plaza this June but we only have one opening that month," she stated while looking at her computer. " I do have one opening in April, since the wedding was just cancelled. The dates that I have available are The thirteenth of June and the eighteenth of April. Would either of you be interested in either one of the those two dates?"

Alice and I just looked at each other. We had both been hoping to be June brides. That was every girls fantasy. We were going to be each others maid (or matron ) of honor. We asked Marion for a couple moments to confer with each other.

"Bella, what do you want to do?" Alice turned to me and asked as soon as Marion had left the room.

"I don't know, Alice, I always wanted to get married in June," I said.

"Well so did I, Bella," Alice said.

"Than what do we do? I mean one of us could look at having our wedding somewhere else?" I pointed out.

"Yes, but I know that both of us wanted to get married at the Plaza and how would that work?" she added.

"How about we flip for it. Heads I win, tails you win. The other takes the date in April," she said. Okay I have a fifty-fifty shot.

But Alice always has an uncanny way about getting her way no matter what.

"Okay we will flip," I said. A moment later she was flipping a quarter up in the air. It seemed like slow motion that you see in the movies.

"It's heads," Alice squealed. "I'm sorry, Bella. Look at it his way, you don't have to wait that long to be Mrs. Jacob Black."

"Yeah, that's fine," I said hesitantly. And _lied_.

I was pissed.

I wanted June.

I wanted the Plaza.

I wanted the Plaza in June. Marion came back into the room a couple of moments later. We had told her the dates that we had decided on. She informed me that since mine was only less than three months away, I would need to meet with her on Wednesday, to start making decisions since things would need to be ordered this week. Thank God that I was going to be wearing my mother's wedding dress, so at least I could scratch that off of my list.

The ride back to work was quiet, I had informed Alice at lunch that I could not play hooky the rest of the day with her. You could cut the tension with a knife.

"Bella, I am really sorry about things turned out. Please don't be mad at me," Alice pleaded as she was parking in front of the building.

"No, Alice, it is fine, I mean you always get whatever you want. Why would this be any different?"

"Bella, what can I do to make this up to you?" She asked.

"You know what I want Alice," I said.

"Bella, be reasonable, we flipped a coin. Fair and square. Do you think I would be acting like you if I had lost?"

"Honestly Alice, I think you would be ten times worse. We would still be in the office. You yelling, pleading, begging, what ever you had to do to get what you want. You do it all the time and I'm just freaking sick and tired of it," I said as I opened up the door and left her there. I didn't even turn around once.

I made my way to the elevator. Luckily there was no other occupants aboard, as I made my way to my office. Tears were already finding their escape from my eyes. As soon as the elevator dinged to make my departure, I wiped my eyes so that no one could see.

I mad a beeline to my office, not even bothering to greet anyone on my way. My door was closed and my office was dark as I entered. As soon as I closed the door. I slumped to the floor and started crying. I let my jacket and my purse just fall to my sides. I was so into my sobs that I didn't even notice anyone else there.

"Bella, Bella what is wrong?" A velvety voice asked.

I looked up from having my head on my knees to make sure my evaluation was correct.

"Edward, what.. What are you doing here?" I asked while trying to wipe my face. He held out his hand and helped me stand up.

"I wanted to see if we could talk. I heard you tell Elezar that you would be back at three so I thought I could wait for you in here. I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you..... Now what has you so upset?" He was running his hand through his hair while he spoke. I had him nervous. He only did that when he was nervous or upset.

"It's silly," I said, walking past him over to my desk. I started looking at my laptop to get started on my 'homework assignment' for Tanya.

"Bella, I know if something has you upset enough to cry it has to be something," he said. He sat in the chair directly in front of my desk just watching.

I continued going through the files to write up my report. "Edward, not that it is any of your business, but I got into a fight with your sister."

"What did you two get into a fight about?" He inquired.

"What the hell Edward? What does it matter to you? You want to know. You really want to know? I wanted to get married in June. But because of your sister, being selfish and always having to have her way, she won, not that I am surprised. She always wins. Alice always gets what Alice wants. Why should this be any different?" I yelled at him. I got up and walked over to the window to look out at the street below. Tears of frustration, tears of anger, tears of hesitation started flowing, and I could not keep them at bay.

"Bella, I'm sorry that you and Alice got into a fight about this, is there anything that I can do?" he asked as he came up to stand by me, handing me some tissues. I took them and tried to dry my face.

"Yeah, tell me how in the hell I am supposed to do all of this in less than three months. Three freaking months. My fiancée is living on the other side of the country, I am fighting with my best friend and I just feel so lost," I confided, somewhere in the middle of my rant, he had come over to wrap his one arm around my shoulder.

"Bella why do you have to get married in three months? Couldn't you wait, wait till next year in June if you really want to? Why are you rushing into this?" he asked as he turned me completely, so I was facing him.

I looked up into his eyes and he had a desperate look to his eyes.

"Because Edward, Jake and I have been together for almost five years, and it is time that I grew up and started living my life. I have to move on with my life, move on from everything," I said.

I hope he would understand the meaning. I had to let go, let go of everything that was then. My life now was with Jacob and I just needed to move on and accept it. I walked away from him and he headed to the door to leave.

"Bella, do you love Jake? Is he the guy that you want to spend the rest of your life with?"" Edward asked, turning to face me while he asked the question.

"I said yes to him, Edward," I spoke hesitantly.

"That's not what I asked,"he said and then turned to leave. Just as he did before.

Please r&R


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Stephanie meyer owns twilight (blah, blah, blah)**

**Sorry so long with this. i hope you like. please review. **

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I had stayed up almost the whole night trying to get the report for Tanya. Little did I know that it was not even necessary; she took the next day off. I had stayed up till freaking three am for nothing.

I haggardly made my way up to the thirty fifth floor to present Tanya's assistant with my report. I curiously looked into Edward's office as I past. He was on the phone with his back to the door in some heated discussion with a raised voice.

"I know, I know…" I could hear him answer.

He would run his fingers through his hair while he was listening to the other party on the phone.

"Yes, I know that. Why do you think I am here," he started then was a apparently interrupted.

"No, I can't tell her yet, she…" he said as he turned around in his chair to face me. I was caught eavesdropping on his conversation and there was no where to hide.

"I've got to go, I'll call you back," he stated abruptly before he hung up the phone.

He quickly got up from his chair and in four large stances made his way to where I was standing at his open door.

"Sorry, I would of knocked, but you were…" I admitted, looking down trying to hide my embarrassment.

"No Bella, its fine please come in," he stated as he ushered me into the room. He motioned for me to take a seat on his couch.

"Would you care for something to drink?" He offered. I politely declined as he made his way over to the seat next to me.

"I am sorry to interrupt you, but I just wanted to leave these reports for Tanya. I was going to leave them with her assistant, she wasn't at her desk," I admitted. I looked over at him and was feeling a little weird about our sudden closeness.

"No, that's fine. Tanya had to go sign on her new place and I believe her assistant is probably out running errands for her now. If you want you can leave it with me and I will make sure that she gets it." He stated. I looked right into his eyes and it was like prey walking into the lion's den. Why did he still have this affect on me.

_Because you still have feelings for him._

_Oh shut up._

I looked down at his lips and then the bastard smiled.

My smile.

He knew what he was doing. I had to get out of here.

I suddenly started feeling claustrophobic in this vast room. It was his smell. The mix of cedar and musk that smelled like a fresh spring day.

I was on my way to retreat. That was my resolve.

You love Jacob chants currently playing on the stereo in my head.

"Thank you, well I will just be going. Goodbye Edward," I said as I started to rise from my current position.

From out of nowhere a hand abruptly grabbed my wrist.

"Please stay, Bella, we haven't really talked since I got back," he said, as he attempted to pull me back to a sitting arrangement. I hastily shook his hand away.

I stood there resolute trying to hold my ground. My composure was fading and fast.

"Edward, we talked the other night at the wedding, we talked in Elezar's office just yesterday. We even spoke last night in my office. See we talked." I stated as I turned around to exit his office.

"No, Bella, we have not talked. I need to talk to you and explain everything. You need to hear it from me," he started, but then I cut him off by raising my palm out to put a halt to anything further.

"What does it matter Edward? You left. You left me here and you never looked back until now. So explain to me what I need to hear from you that I already not figured out almost eight years ago. You know what it is probably, no most defiantly very important to my ego, that you don't answer that. Okay." My voice betrayed me at the end. I was close to tears, and if he divulged to deep into everything that happened long ago I would involuntarily start letting them fall.

He shot up and grabbed my shoulders to have me face him. He looked like I felt. He was trying to convey something .

"Bella, please. I don't want to hurt you. I never meant to ever hurt you. I didn't want to leave you. Shit. I never would of left you if I,"he confessed and then looked away. I could tell by his usually calm and cool stance that he was visibly upset. I knew I shouldn't push, but damn it, I needed answers.

"What Edward?" I asked in a quiet tone. Just a little above a whisper.

"Will it change anything if I tell you? Could you forgive me? Would you let me get close to you again if I told you?"he asked with a sarcastic tone in contrast to his once repentant voice.

"Edward I don't understand. I have moved on. You have moved on. We are not the same people we once were. You know for years I wondered if I had never told you that I loved you if you would of stayed. I wondered if we would of remained friends. I felt like one stupid freaking admission drove away my best friend. And you know what." I threw my hands up in defeat. "It doesn't matter because supposedly me being in love with you was so revolting to you, that you had to run from me."

I felt the double crossing tears start to make a path down my cheeks.

He reached up with both hands and cupped my cheeks in his smooth palms. His thumbs reaching over and wiping the salty moisture away. He pulled me so close that his lips were pressed up upon my forehead.

"Please, my Bella, please don't cry," ,e whispered.

"Nothing about you being in love with me ever revolted me. You have no idea how wonderful that sounded coming from these lips," he admitted as he pushed back away from me and brushed his thumb over my lips.

What the hell is going on here. This can't be happening. There is no freaking way. I had dreams of this-our loving reunion where he confesses everything and then pulls me in close to him. This was my dream, not my reality.

"NO, no, no!" I exclaimed. I started shaking my head as I backed out of his hold.

"Bella, wait what?" He asked as he grabbed onto my arm holding on for dear life.

"You can't do this now, not now, Edward. I am happy. I am going to get married in less than three months to a man that loves me. He loves me. damn it. He has no problem telling me and he has never ran away from me. This isn't fair Edward." I was sobbing and wondered how I even found the voice to try to explain this to him.

He just stood there in silence looking at me with those cunning green eyes. He was attempting to look hurt. The corners of his eyes were squinting like I had just slapped him across the face.

I stood up straight and looked him directly in the eye. I wiped away the tears from my already reddened face.

"What do you want from me Edward?" I questioned.

I watched his face turn from total despair to one seemingly filled with hope.

He tool a step closer, lessening the gap between us.

"I want a few things,"he admitted with a smile. Only he would try to find the humor in this oppressive situation.

"Edward.." I complained. I started shaking my dissatisfied head at him.

" Fine, just let me tell you the most important one. I don't want you to get married. Please don't get married, please not yet," h,e pleaded.

I was hurt, I was confused. The room started spinning. I sat down on the couch trying to take in the whole situation.

"Why would you ask that of me?" I whispered. My hands were holding my face as I tried to establish some balance.

He got down on his knees before me and grabbed my hands.

"I want you to still love me. I need you to love me, Bella," he explained. He took my hands and kissed both of them and stared a me looking for a response.

"Edward I don't, I can't ," I said then covered my hand over my mouth to try to keep the rambling at bay until I could form a coherent thought.

"I do love you still, but I am afraid that isn't enough," I admitted as I breached our bubble. I was making my way to leave but his voice stopped me.

"Then what would be enough?" he inquired as he ran his hand through his hair. He pulled him self up to sit in the spot I had previously occupied.

"You would need to love me in return," I answered sheepishly afraid that he might still hurt me.

"I always have, Bella. I always have," Edward stated.

**OOHHHH there you go I wanted to do more but it felt a little contrived. I need to let her sit back and take this in- so do i !! that was a lot of work to do . please show me the love. even if you hate it just tell me.**


	7. Chapter 7

OKay here is my next installment. I own nothing, Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, I just like to manipulate and control them for a while. (how sadistic!!!)

**Thanks to LookWithoutSeeing and TwilightMommyof4girls for taking a ganter at his to make sure it was up to par for you all. Now will some people please show me some love for this chapter- it's filled with gooey Edwardy filling.**

"_I want you to still love me. I need you to love me Bella," he explained. He took my hands and kissed both of them and stared a me looking for a response._

"_Edward I don't, I can't," I said, then covered my hand over my mouth to try to keep the rambling at bay until I could form a coherent thought._

"_I do love you still, but I am afraid that isn't enough," I admitted as I breached our bubble. I was making my way to leave but his voice stopped me._

"_Then what would be enough?" he inquired as he ran his hand through his hair. He pulled him self up to sit in the spot I had previously occupied._

"_You would need to love me in return," I answered sheepishly, afraid that he might still hurt me._

"_I always have Bella. I always have," Edward stated._

I had to leave and quick. I needed to think. I needed Alice. I needed Rose.

"Edward, I need to go," I said as I exited his office making haste to my space in this building.

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I was sitting there with the phone, dangling it back and forth trying to decide who to call. Who to talk to? I knew that I was going to have to bite the bullet sooner or later and just break down and call her.

"Alice Cullen speaking."

"Hi," I stated.

"Oh Bella, I am sorry for everything. Please, I will do anything, anything.."she started rambling her apologies, but I cut her off.

"Alice, I need to talk to you. Please, I don't even want to deal with the wedding crap right now. I just need my best friend okay?" I said as I was ringing my hands back and forth trying to rationalize everything that had just happened.

"Bella is everything okay? I can come now if you like or do you want to come here?"she asked. I knew I needed to get out of here, away from him and take a breath. If I stayed here he could possibly come down to talk to me again, and I could not risk that right now.

"I'll come to you," I answered before hanging up. I made quick work of grabbing my purse and coat to leave for the day.

I informed my assistant that she could reach me on my cell if anyone needed me.

It ended up taking over thirty minutes to get to her office. As soon as I was shown in, Alice had me wrapped in a death grip.

"Alice, I can't breathe," I told her, trying to unravel myself from her tiny grasp.

"Oops! Sorry Bella, I just am so happy that you are here. I was prepared for groveling just to let you know," she playfully bantered.

I know that I might regret this later, going to his sister to talk, rather than sequestering myself at my apartment trying to make heads or tails of this mess. But I needed to talk about this.

"Here sit, talk, and I'll listen," she instructed me, she patted the sofa cushion.

I made my way over to her leather couch and grabbed one of the expensive pillows and used to brace my stomach.

"Well?" she inquired after a few moments of unwelcome silence.

"Edward," I whispered.

"What did the jackass do now?" she asked, looking all bothered at the mention of her sibling.

I sat there and spilled out everything, from the talking and dancing at the wedding, to everything that was said today. Alice just sat there and listened without any expressions on her face. She just nodded a couple of times for me to continue, but that was it.

"Hmmm, and what do you think about all of this Bella? Where does that leave you?" she asked, while getting up to go to her desk to get something. I was focused on a tree that I could see way off in in the distance, it was a few blocks away. She looked down and kept her eyes off of me.

"I don't know," I said, fidgeting with my hands. "What am I supposed to do Alice?" I paused before continuing, "I'm marrying Jake."

"Is that what you want?" Alice said as she brought back over the picture of all of us from prom, that she had also, and placed it in my lap.

"Alice," I huffed.

"Don't Alice me." Her tone getting sharper. She put both hands on her hips. "You told my brother you loved him."

I placed my head in my hands and started shaking it back and forth. "I know, I know."

She came back over and sat down right next to me. I felt her rubbing my back trying to comfort me.

Nothing could comfort me right now. I felt like crap, actually like a total piece of shit. Here I am engaged to a wonderful man who loves me, who would do anything in the world for me. And here I am telling another man that I love him, after all these years. This is no where even near right. What do I do?

_What do I do?_

We just sat there in silence for a few moments more until her secretary told Alice she had a call.

"Ms. Cullen?" Her secretary called out over her little intercom.

"Yes?" Alice called out from next to me in a sing song voice.

"Your brother is on the phone for you, would you like me to put him through?"

I tensed. I knew exactly which brother it was since the other one was on another continent with his new bride.

Alice must of felt my hesitation.

"It's okay, Bella, I'll just call him back later," Alice said to me, trying to comfort me.

"Mrs. Cope, can you please tell my brother that I will call him back later."

"He says its urgent and that he has to speak with you now," Mrs. Cope said in a pleading voice.

"Ugh," Alice sighed, getting up from her spot. "Fine, fine put the bastard through?"

"Ms. Cullen?" Mrs. Cope asked.

I watched her roll her eyes. "Its fine, just put the call from my brother through, Mrs. Cope."

She hesitated a moment. "Bella, I am sorry, but I have to see what he wants."

"That's fine, Alice, I have to get back anyway, my lunch hour is almost up," I told her, heading towards the door. Slipping my coat on, I turned to her. "I'll just call you tonight."

"Okay," she said. "Bye Bella."

"Bye."

I was now standing here at the elevator just about to push the button, when I noticed I forgot my purse in Alice's office. I made a full about face almost taking down two harmless bystanders in the process.

I made my way right out side Alice's office when Mrs. Cope lifted her head up to see me.

"Sorry, I left my purse in there," I explained, giving her a apologetic look for having to bother her.

"It's okay, just knock and go on in, I'm sure that's fine," she said.

I just smiled down at her, while lightly tapping on the door. I waited a couple moments and headed in.

Alice was standing in front of the window talking to Edward by speaker phone. Her back was turned to me, so she made no notice of my presence.

"Brother dear, I told you your stupid plan would backfire in your face, what did you really expect?" Alice called out into the air. She was shaking her head back and forth.

Oh great. Their having a little business meeting over the phone. I found no reason to disrupt their conversation, so I will just reach over to get my purse that is next to the couch.

"Alice, I know that now," Edward said, complete aggravation apparent in his voice.

"Well I have to say this for you." Alice laughed out, sarcastically. "You have her completely beside herself, having no idea what to do."

_What?_

They were talking about me.

She knew.

She freaking knew.

How long?

Since he got back?

_Since before._

I felt like I had been slapped in the face for the second time and this shit sure did sting.

"But I told you not to hurt Bella and that is exactly what you are doing," she yelled at him, her little fists clenched at her sides.

"I never want to hurt her, Alice. I just don't know what to do," I heard the voice on the phone say.

I made a movement to get my purse. I felt my face becoming flushed. My tears, were not coming out because of sadness or pain, but anger.

How could she?

How could they?

Who all knew?

I felt sick over all of this. When I came here today she pretty much knew everything already.

God, I am such an idiot.

_Yes you are._

Alice must of seen me move out of her peripheral vision, as she turned quickly. She cupped her hand over her mouth, her eyes growing large from the shock of seeing me back in her office, and knowing what she just said.

_Your caught._

She just stood there silent, void of any sounds. Her eyes darting over to the phone and then back to me.

"Alice, Alice are you th…." Edward started, but was cut off.

"I have to go. I'll talk to you la.." Alice said until I stopped her.

"No reason to quit on my account, you two continue your little conversation," I said, bending over to retrieve my purse. When I was standing again, I looked right at her and said, "I'll be really leaving this time."

Alice just stood there, void of any ideas of what to do or say.

"Bella, wait," she yelled out as I was leaving the room.

"Bella..... Oh shit," Edward said over the line. His previous aggravated tone more shocked than anything.

"Goodbye Alice," I said right to her, then looked over to the phone. "Goodbye Edward."

__________________________________________________________

Countless times I heard my cell phone going off in my purse as I made my way back to work. I was searching my mind as ways to avoid seeing him. Maybe I just needed to find another job, at another publishing company. I mean before I really thought about taking Alice up on her offer to come work with her, but after all of this? Not only Edward.

But Alice.

And If Alice knew then Jasper knew.

And if Alice knew then Rose knew.

And probably Emmett already had known.

Screw the Cullens.

That's what I would do, I will just find another job. I had a friend at another publishing house, Emily, that I went to school with. She was always telling me how great it was to work at Wolfe Brothers. They were virtually my current employer biggest competition. I wonder if I called her and asked her to lunch or something if I could find out more.

I made a quick call to Emily as soon as I made my way into my office. She was so excited to hear from me that we set up a meeting the next day.

Sitting here, I kept glancing over at my clock. It was only two in the afternoon, and I had was just looking for a reason to bust out of here early. I mean what are they going to do? Fire me. That would only make this day better. I figured I could make more headway at home, rather than worry about being ambushed here by Alice or him.

------------------------------

Sitting here relaxing with a glass of wine was just the thing to help me get my mind off of all of them.

The only problem was the telephone ringing every five minutes or so. I had turned the volume down so I could get some work done. I went over and checked the caller ID after about a hour, just to make sure that it was just Alice. Surprise, surprise. I thought going through the thirty seven missed calls till I got to the last one.

Jacob.

I hurried up and dialed his number. Someone picked up after four rings, but apparently dropped it.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hello," Jacob screamed out from a distance, attempting to pick up the phone.

"Jake." I laughed, knowing it was usually me that was that clumsy.

"Hey baby," he said. " I tried you at the office and they said you left early?'

"Yeah, I was feeling a little under the weather you know?" I lied.

"Are you okay?" I could tell he was concerned.

Yeah right. I'm about as screwed as they come right now.

"I'm fine, nothing to worry about, just a little cold." Lie number two.

What is wrong with me? I never lied to Jacob before.

"Bella, I can tell something else is on your mind."

"It's nothing just wedding stuff and I got a new boss yesterday that I am not to pleased about." Lie number two and a half. Technically, Tanya and Edward, were both of my bosses and right now I could care less for either.

Liar, now your just lying to your self.

_Oh shut up._

"Well just quit," he said in a determined tone. "You could find another job, did you call Emily? I know she always talks to Sam about loving it there." Emily was dating Jacob's cousin Sam.

"Actually I did I called her today and we are meeting for lunch tomorrow." I said, proud that I actually took the incentive to change things up a little.

Looking back on things, I always have felt like I was always pressured to do everything for them, with them. I went to school where they wanted me to, because that's where they wanted. I went to work for them because they wanted. They were just as bad as my parents, trying to constantly control everything about me. They only decision they were never involved in was the one that I made about being with Jake.

They were all nice to him off course, no way were they ever mean to him, just lacking in the supportive department of us together.

"Well that's good to hear, I think it would be great for you to get your name out there with someone else other than the Cullens," he added.

The conversation went on for the next hour, talking about his dad, his job, wedding stuff and him telling me that he was going to come in on Friday afternoon to visit me for the weekend.

--------------------------------------------

My morning went by rather quickly the next day and the next thing I knew it was lunch time and my meeting with Emily. We agreed to meet at the little bistro that Alice and I frequented a lot.

Walking into the restaurant it was easy to spot Emily out by her beautiful black hair. She spotted me as well when I was about five feet away from her table. She was seated there with another women that I have never met before. She seemed nice enough though as I walked up, her giving me a welcoming smile.

"Hi Emily," I said as I reached around the table to give her a hug.

"Hello Bella," she said, as she pulled away. "I hope you don't mind but I invited a friend that I work with. Bella this is Angela Weber. Angela, Bella Swan."

We both reached out and shook hands and settled into our seats.

"Well Emily, thanks for meeting with me, I have missed talking to you…" I said, while looking over the menu. I already knew what I wanted, but I was somehow very nervous sitting here. I felt like I was a married woman about to cheat on her husband for the first time.

"Cut the bull Bella, Jake called Sam last night and told him all about it," Emily said. She started flapping her hand towards me.

"What?" I said shocked. "So you know I might want to jump ship then?"

"Why do you think I brought Angela with me? She is just the person you need to talk to." Emily smiled, nodding to Angela.

"Emily."

"What? I am just helping to hopefully progress your decision," she said nonchalantly, looking down at the menu to keep from locking eyes with me.

"Bella, let me re-introduce myself. I am Angela Weber, Lead Executive Recruiter for Wolfe Publishing."

"Oh, so you're just the person I would need to talk to if I was considering leaving my present employer?" I said, looking up and giving a timid smile.

"Yes, and trust me, you are exactly what we want. Your pretty well known in the publishing circles as someone that everyone would want to get there hands on." Angela disclosed to me, overplaying it a little to act like it was a big secret.

The three of us continued talking over lunch. As soon as it was over, Emily politely excused herself for an office meeting, but I knew better. She wanted Angela to really try to get me onboard. We talked numbers, and incentives, benefits and being off for my wedding and honeymoon. This girl was good.

It turns out that they wanted me so bad, that they were willing to start me out giving me a fifteen percent raise over my current salary, plus giving me a promotion. Virtually the same job as Tanya.

_Nice._

How in the hell do you say no to all that?

_You don't stupid._

I left her thanking her very much for her time and asking for a little time to consider their generous offer.

It only took about a five minute cab ride to get back to the office to finish up for the day. I had a lot to think about. I needed to talk to Jacob also, I did kind of owe him.

The rest of the day was filled with meetings, but the one at the end of the day was the one I was dreading the most. I had to see both Tanya and Edward. This was going to be awkward.

Tanya called this morning wanting to go over the file on the updates on all my editors and copy writers.

Just great.

I was meeting them in the small conference room on their floor. I was hesitantly walking towards the door when I heard noise coming from inside. Not really thinking I needed to knock or anything since they should have been expecting me, I just walked in. And what a sight I did see.

Tanya kissing Edward. Or was it Edward kissing Tanya? Hard to tell but one thing was for damn sure, there lips were connected.

I am a Freaking Idiot.

_Yes, you really are_.

And to think, it was just twenty four hours ago he was telling me not to get married, and that he basically loved me. I thought, but he never said the words.

He never said 'I love you.'

But you did.

You dumbshit.

_Yeah, I know that now. Thanks._

I was free of any rational ideas at the moment as the jealous monster inside me watched. What was maybe a couple of moments seemed more like minutes to me, before I slammed the door behind me shut, letting my bosses now know of my attendance to their little show.

"Sorry to interrupt the two of you," I said through clenched teeth.

The both jumped apart. Edward looking remorseful, but Tanya was smug.

Wait, smug?

She knew I would come in on this. And he let her......

He let her.

You idiot.

_Not anymore._

"Bella, this.." Edward said.

"I really don't care, Mr. Cullen," I said, seething.

I watched as he looked over to Tanya giving her one hell of a dirty look. She just avoided his glare, her eyes still on me watching my opinion of the situation.

"Bella, I thought I moved back the meeting by fifteen minutes. Edward and I had a few things that needed to be discussed," she said, completely with a self satisfied feel radiating off of her.

"Oh I'm sorry, I'll leave the two of you." I turned to give him a dead stare and raising my eyebrows to him, letting him know of my anger. " To your discussions."

I turned to walk out the room when I heard footsteps following me. Edward.

"Bella, wait please, I need to explain."

I just kept my back tuned to him as I pulled out my cell phone and dialed the numbers. I turned to face him so he could understand.

The phone only rang twice.

"Hello?" The voice on the line said.

"Is this Angela Weber? Lead Executive Recruiter for Wolfe Publishing?" I asked, with a playful voice towards Angela, but shrugging sarcastically for Edward's benefit.

His eyes were large, and his mouth dropped open.

_Gotcha Asshole_.

"Yes it is. Is this Bella?" she asked.

"Yeah, I just wanted to tell you to send me the lifeboat, I'm jumping ship," I stated, still looking at him. My lips now slightly curling upwards.

He stood there motionless. You would of thought I just ran over his dog or something from his pained expression.

"Oh, Bella, that's great, how about you just give me a call in the morning and we will get everything going."

"Thanks, Angela, I'll talk to you tomorrow," I said before I disconnected from the line. I kept my stance for a couple of moments before turning to head to the elevators. Once getting there I pushed the buttons a few times in a row, hoping it would arrive faster.

"Bella, what are you doing?" I heard Edward's angry voice call out from behind me.

I stepped into the now opened elevator doors for my exit.

"Not a damn thing, Edward. I quit," I said after turning to give him a final fake smile and nod.

Then the doors closed.

**Please show me some love and push that green button in the middle- even if you just say hi.**


	8. Chapter 8

Hello my lovlies, welcome to your next installment of Marital Bliss. I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: i still don't own Edward Cullen.(Damn)

**Please check out my other story: The Cullen Brothers and also my Beta, twilightmommyof4girls story Searching!!!! Thank you woman for helping me with all my mess ups!!!**

* * *

Somehow I actually felt good about the events that had taken place at the office today. I got to hand it to Tanya, as much as I hated the bitch, she actually did me a huge favor. See without her, I would of stayed in the same position, working under her and being absolutely miserable. Now I had a great outlook on a wonderful promotion. Secondly, she showed me just exactly what Edward is.

A prick.

I probably would of stayed and would have been sucked in by his little plays for my affections and I was playing right into his hands. And to think I was really beginning to rethink everything.

Even the wedding.

God, Jake deserved someone so much better than me. Here I was lusting and almost planning my life with another man who was not my fiancé, while he was across the country taking care of his sick father.

What the hell is wrong with me?

_You're in love with another man._

Walking down the street towards my place I noticed a male that seemed oddly familiar to me. He became even more familiar the closer I got. His back was towards me, while he was on the phone and he was pacing in circles like he was waiting for someone.

Me.

As he heard my footsteps getting closer he turned and faced me.

Jasper.

What in the…..Alice.

That is the only explanation I had as to why he would be waiting here for me.

"Hello Jasper," I said, greeting him with a small smile.

He dipped his head as a gesture towards me. "Bella."

I held the door for him to follow me as we entered through the lobby of my apartment building. Mr. Banner was standing behind the desk answering the phone, so I just offered him a timid smile as a greeting when the two of us walked past to make our way over to the elevator. I pushed the button a couple of times hoping yet again that it would bring my savior that much more quickly.

Looking over to Jasper, he stood there looking stoic and cryptic as all hell, but I knew that he had an agenda. Either Alice or Edward, or in my unlucky case both, had most probably sent him to play peacekeeper in this little war that had erupted between the two sides that I would like to term good and evil.

You see on the good side you have me. That's it, just me. Let us just call my side Team Bella. And on the other, more eviler side, you have them-Team Cullen. I was not above grouping the whole lot into that team. I figured the leader of their association was Edward, joined by his ever loyal sister Alice, her fiancé Jasper, that was standing not even three feet away from me now, and of course my other best friend Rose and her new husband, Emmett, the older brother of the leader. So needless to say, I felt like this was me against the world or a David and Goliath kind of parable.

As soon as the elevator doors opened we both entered without even speaking or acknowledging each other. Maybe it was because he and I were both afraid of what all would be said in the accompaniment of others. I was known as a hothead, and I cussed like a sailor when things really would get heated. Jasper, on the other hand, would just stand there and take it and try to use his calming influence on me, and manipulate the situation. I was not in the mood today.

I unlocked my door to my apartment and welcomed him in. I could dispense all the false pleasantries to keep things civil for now, but we both knew the cease fire would commence as soon as we both took up our positions within my apartment walls.

"Not that I don't like seeing you again Jasper, but to what do I owe the honor of your visit?" I said sarcastically. I walked right past him to place my briefcase down on the desk he was leaning up against..

He stood there silent. He watched me. I watched him, watching me. He said nothing, but still he intimidated me and he knew it.

"I heard about everything that happened today, and wondered if you could use a friend," he admitted. His voice was low and even. His eyes looked to me and his eyes seemed to be apprehensive.

His face was quiet and his features apologetic. This was not a offensive strike, he was here because he cared. Maybe it would be like having a double agent, a silent ally against what was all evil on my world right now- Edward and Alice.

"And what exactly did you hear Jasper? Did you hear how your fiancé, and her brother were basically plotting against me? Did you hear how you almost brother in law told me that he wanted me to still love him?" I said, raising my voice.

He stood there and took it. He took all my screaming, all my insults and said nothing.

"Bella, Alice is.." Jasper started explaining before I abruptly cut him off.

"Jasper, I thought that you came here as my friend. I don't want to hear it," I said, snapping at him.

I walked over and sat down on the couch, taking off my heels so I could relax. I waited, giving him the opportunity to say something. He didn't.

Looking over at him, a couple of tears started finding their way down onto my cheeks. I could feel the heat rising in my face, which I was almost positive were stained bright red from all the fuming going on within me.

"She knew Jasper, she knew it all," I said as the sounds barely came out above a whisper. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the understanding on his face.

"I know," he said sternly. He didn't even try to defend her or her actions. But when you deal with Alice… Oh never mind.

I sighed and tilt my head all the way back against the couch before speaking again. "Jasper, how long as this all been going on?" I glanced over towards him to gage his reaction.

Jasper's eyes got large with my request. His face seemed shocked that I was asking him about the major question to the secret of my universe.

"Do you really want to know that answer?" he asked.

"Well that's an open ended question. Yes. I asked it didn't I?" I said, feeling the anger in me begin to boil.

I was trying very hard to keep my emotions in check right now and this conversation was unbelieving the desired effect.

"I don't know everything, I didn't want to know everything, but I would have to say this all probably began when Edward left," Jasper said, pausing. He walked over to where I was sitting and placed himself at my side. "Eight years ago.'

Deep down I knew. I knew that somehow this all, everything that he confessed or was inadvertently trying to tell me without all the words had to go all back to this. I thought, or merely was hoping that he maybe just came to his senses within the past few months, or shit I'd even take a year and possibly pushing two, but eight years. Eight freaking years of this shit and it all could have been avoided.

Bullshit.

"How long has Alice known everything?" I asked, while I closed my eyes to attempt to have just a little peace.

"Bella, he said. His hand now grabbing and squeezing mine to get my attention.

"She hasn't know all that time," he said. His face fave me a sympathetic smile.

I opened my mouth to inquire some more when there was a knock at the door.

Getting up from my seat, I headed over to the door while letting out an internal moan that I had been holding on to. Another knock came.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I said. Looking into the peephole I noticed a delivery person with a Yankees hat on holding flowers.

"Ugh," I said, grumbling. I opened the door to greet the person.

Standing there at the door holding what seemed to be three or so dozen red roses was him.

Edward.

Edward in the Yankees cap. The SOB must have known that I would have never willingly let him through even the lobby if he did not appear to be a average florist delivery and not my worst nightmare at this moment.

Lying, cheating, no good, son of a .....

Edward.

"What are you doing here?" I said flaring at him. My face was cold and set.

Behind me I heard Jasper snicker at the sight. Standing at my doorway was Edward in his usual business suit looking all beautiful and shit and then you have him with a freaking baseball cap on to hide his freaking wonderful tell -his hair.

"I came to explain," he said timidly. He was still standing right outside my door since I have and will not extend that courtesy to him.

He offered me the flowers as a sign of good faith I guess. I was having no part of this anymore. My soap opera of a life was soon going to be extinguished. I would start my new job, marry Jake and continue on without any more of this chaos that has existed in my life ever since Edward walked back into my life.

Is that what you really want? Really?

I took the flowers and threw them back at him. "Go away," I spat at him.

Both of us were standing there in a deadlock. Neither of us was going to give in. I knew I wasn't.

The anger was boiling and trying to find an escape I started blowing all the air through my nose, making my nostrils flare. I bet I look like a deranged bull ready to pounce.

He just stood there, unmoving, watching everything I did. I was sure that I would win this, until Jasper had to come upset the balance of things for evil.

"Well if the two of you will excuse me," Jasper said as he made his way past me, brushing my arm on his way.

Bastard. How could he just leave me here and with him?

I stood there amazed. I could hear Jasper chuckling to himself as he made his way to the elevator. Was this a set up also? Did he come here to butter me up for Edward? I know for Alice, but Edward?

"Traitor," I muttered so low no one could hear.

"What did you say?" Edward asked. He was looking hopeful that I was speaking to him.

"Nothing. Now leave," I said practically screaming.

"No. I'm not leaving until you talk to me. I need to explain."

I started closing the door when he slipped his foot into the way to stop it from closing.

"I said I'm not leaving," he repeated again, using a more forceful tone this time he spoke those words. He opened the door and let himself into my apartment.

I walked over put on my shoes and grabbed my purse. Walking towards the already opened door, I turned to talk to him. "Fine, you stay, but lock the door before you leave."

I made my way out into the hall and laughed at my sudden confidence. And then I turned to leave and get back on the elevator.

**Please hit the green button and let me know how I am doing!!!**


	9. Chapter 9

Sorry everyone if you are reading this the second time, i had some problems with my computer when i went back into edit it.

Please check out my other story The Cullen Brothers and many thanks to my Mega Beta, Twilightmommyof4girls. PLease check out her story Searching.

Normal Disclaimer-Blah, Blah, Blah.

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Ugh, rain. I freaking hate the rain. And to top it all off, I left my umbrella, back at my apartment.

With him.

The nerve of him. Does he not understand the word no, or I quit, or leave? I swear it is just like I am dealing with a mental patient off his meds. If he even has the audacity to think that bringing me some roses was going to do crap, then he is clearly delusional. And if Jasper and Alice were in on this little plan then maybe they can all get a group rate at some mental hospital.

Deciding that I needed to get out of the rain, I slipped into this little dive that Jacob and I frequented once in a while when we just needed to get a drink, Sully's. It was rather busy for a Thursday night, I made my way over to the bar to order a drink and was told that it was Ladies Night. Good thing too, since I had failed to stop by the ATM to grab some extra money today.

I made my way over to the end of the bar, furthest away from the window, in case Edward decided to go looking for me. I nursed a Jack and Coke, but it was doing nothing to calm my nerves, so I switched over to some straight up scotch. Figuring I was on the right track with this one, I downed another.

And another.

And another.

And another….

This makes no sense at all, that I have to be sitting here, running away from him. He ran me out of my prom, and the bar last weekend, and then there was today with Tanya all over him at the office. Dammit, he even ran me out of my own freaking home. How pathetic is that?

_Very._

I started rubbing circles over the rim of my glass trying to calm my self down, periodically I would take a deep breath to help, but to no avail, I was still all riled up.

"You okay?" A man's voice standing near me asked.

I turned around to face my examiner. Standing right over my right hand shoulder a man in his late twenties early thirties. He had blonde hair and blue eyes, moderately good looking.

_Well he ain't Edward._

Wait, was that what I was wanting?

_Do you want me to answer that question?_

Never mind_**.**_

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said, wincing at the fact that I started to slur a little when I spoke.

He pulled the stool that was over at the table behind me over so he could sit right next to me. "Well you don't look fine."

"Well I should, I am out celebrating," I said sarcastically. I raised my glass up in the air and shifted the glass back and forth in my hand to make the liquid swirl around to add to the affect.

He motioned over to Chris the bartender for another beer and a drink for me. "And what are we to be celebrating?"

Tons of things.

Quitting my job.

Getting a new one.

Having all my 'friends' stab me in the back.

Edward coming back and ruining my life.

My fiancé being across the country.

Me feeling alone.

Edward tricking me into telling him that I still loved him.

Edward, Edward, Edward.

_Stupid, stupid, and stupid._

Internally I was banging my head against the bar counter, hoping it would maybe knock some sense into me.

I closed my eyes for a second and when I opened them my drink and his had magically appeared. "Tons of things," I said to him and gave him a wink.

I lifted back my head and downed the drink, taking the glass and slamming it down on the top of the bar. I gulped loudly and blew out all the air from my lungs, puffing my cheeks out in the process. Looking over at my neighbor, I watched as he chuckled and raised the bottle up to his lips, taking a lingering sip.

The two of us continued talking back and forth about everything and anything, for the next hour or so. I blabbed about my situation, about my job, about Alice, about Jacob and Edward.

Edward.

"….so you see I have no idea what in the hell is going on or what he was freaking thinking. I mean he just shows up with roses," I jabbered on. I tossed my hands up in the air one final time and blurted out again, "Roses."

"You want my opinion?" He asked, finally getting a word in edge wise.

"Yeah," I moaned as I placed my head face down on my crossed arms that were already fixated there.

"I think he loves you."

"Ugh!" I moaned again, not wanting to hear that or raise my head up to look at him.

He started laughing a hearty laugh that resonated from his chest. Then leaning over he whispered in my lowered right ear, "You want to know how I know?"

I stayed silent for a moment.

Did I really want to hear this? Right now?

_Hell yeah._

I let out a sigh, still keeping my head down. "Yeah, I wanna know."

"What did you say he looked like?" He asked, jabbing me in the side with his elbow trying to get me to look at him.

I was not in the mood for games. I was tired. I was drunk. And I was pissed off. Not three combos you wanted to put together.

I lifted my head feeling the rush as I did and rolled my eyes before trying to focus on the man next to me.

"I told you he has, bronze tousled hair, green eyes, perfect face. You know gorgeous."

"Hmmm, that's interesting." He said murmuring, and grinning. He reached for his beer and took a quick drink, trying to hide his smile.

_What the fu…_

"What?"

"I said," He said getting right in my face to make sure I could understand. "That is interesting… 'cause he's been watching you all night."

_Again, what the fu…_

I felt my eyes practically pop out of my head, my head shifted to peer all around the bar trying to locate him. I stretched my head, looking over the tops of others, but no bronze. Deflated I sat back down. "Where?" I spat at him.

He lifted up his right arm and started pointing in a direction. Reaching my arm out, I grabbed his hand before he could point and make it _that _obvious.

"Don't point," I said sharply.

He started laughing at my frustration. He leant down to whisper again in my ear. "See at the corner of the bar where it starts to curve."

He did not even need to finish the statement. As soon as the man next to me got close enough, in my personal space, the bronze haired monster made his presence very well known.

Edward's face was set with anger. His eyes were staring at me, stone cold. His mouth was set in a grimace and his jaw was clenched. He looked pissed.

_And again, what the fu…._

He's got Tanya or at least she had him…today.

Now why he needs to get all pissy about this guy talking to me is beyond me.

"He's jealous," the man said.

A little happy something just did a back flip in my stomach over the thought.

Hmmmm jealous. I like the sound of that.

Deciding to play on this a little, I pulled my neighbor into my scam.

"Well no need to make him stop, don'tcha think? I leaned over into him and whispered as I pulled back and waggled my eyebrows, hoping he would play along.

A quick glance over in the monster's direction alerted me to the fact that my plan was working. He was looking down, grabbing and twisting the napkin his drink had previously sat on.

My neighbor turned his body, so he was facing me. Giving me a quick wink he placed both of his hands on mine.

_God I am going to hell for this._

What in the hell is wrong with me?

I am engaged and sitting here at a bar, flirting with a guy, that is not my fiancé, trying to get another guy, who is not my fiancé, jealous.

I am seriously sick.

"I never told you my name," I said playfully, turning my body so my legs could go in between him to create some type of barrier, "it's Bella."

"Very, very," he said, leaning in closer to my face, "nice to meet you. I'm James."

The way that he positioned himself would appear to someone, like Edward, that was sitting across the bar, like we were or were going to kiss.

I moved my face off to the side of James, so I could get a quick glimpse of Edward, but he was gone.

"He's," I started saying before getting cut off.

"He's what Bella?" Edward said angrily from right behind me.

_Oh shit._

I pushed James legs from around mine, so I could face the monster confronting me. Getting up from my stool proved to be a little more difficult then I had previously encountered on the last trip to the ladies room.

"What are you doing here Edward," I flared at him.

"I came in for a quick drink," he countered. He crossed his arms in an attempt at total defiance.

James was snickering behind me, making it self evident that he wanted in on this small discussion.

_Discussion my ass._

"What?" I slapped at James, inquiring as to what was so funny.

"Him," James smirked.

"What about me?" Edward said, seething.

You could practically watch the steam blowing out from his mouth and ears, he seemed so tense, like he was going to snap.

The usually calm, cool, and collected Edward Cullen has left the building.

"You," James explained, while tipping his beer bottle in Edward's direction, "came in right after she did, over three hours ago. And I am willing to bet you have been watching her the whole time."

James turned back around clearly satisfied with himself.

Three hours.

Since I got here.

Oh he is apparently demented, if not a clear-cut stalker.

I motioned to Chris for another. If I was going to sit here and listen to the bullshit being spewed out of his mouth I better at least enjoy myself. As soon as I received the drink, I hammered it down and requested another.

"I," I said, jabbing him in the chest, "can't," jabbed him again, "believe," and again. With the last word I said simultaneously as I pushed him off with both hands, "You."

I turned to wave Chris goodbye and motioned to James that I was leaving. "Thanks James," I said, muttering as I made my way out the door.

"Bella, stop!" Edward called out to me over the crowd.

Certainly I was not going to listen to what he just ordered me to do. Who in the hell does he think he is talking to? His freaking dog.

I don't do orders from Edward Freaking Cullen anymore.

I was walking down the street, struggling to walk, let alone run away from the scene that I had just left. Increasing my speed to get farther away from his approaching footsteps, I slipped on the newly formed ice that was a result of this evenings rainfall and New York's falling temperature.

"Shit," I screamed out as I was tumbling towards the surface.

The heel of my high heels clipped off as I fell forward, trying to brace myself, I placed my right hand out reaching the ground first. As soon as my body made contact, I already knew the damage from the throbbing that was radiating from both my wrist and ankle.

Guess there is no escaping the monster now.

_No shit Sherlock_.

I listened as his steps got closer, apparently picking up speed as he saw me laying on the ground.

_Always the freaking damsel in distress._

"Bella," Edward screamed out as he came closer.

I just laid here ignoring his cry. My body hurt, my wrist and ankle were more than likely twisted or sprained, my head was pounding from the liquid abuse that I inflicted on my body, and now I had him coming to my rescue.

He squat down, pulling my head forward to look at him. "Bella, are you okay?"

_Is he kidding? A no!_

"Does it look like I am freaking okay to you?"

"No, but."

I breathed deep and tried pushing myself up, forgetting about my wrist. "Ow," I cried out.

"Here let me help you," Edward said as he reached down and gathered me up in both of his arms, carrying me.

_Me. Edward carrying me._

And just like the flip of the switch all the anger that I had for Edward, back at the bar was gone. Being here in his arms was comforting for me. It felt right. I felt at home.

_Maybe you felt drunk?_

"Edward, can you take me home?" I said in a small voice, embarrassed that I was running away from my now savior, only minutes prior.

"Yes Bella, we're almost there, just rest."

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against his chest relishing in the sound of his heartbeat. Like a symphony, hearing the constant rhythm. Between the constant rocking motion of being carried, my buzz wearing off and his heartbeat, I must of fallen asleep.

"Bella," Edward said softly in my ear. "Do you have the keys?"

"Keys?" I whimpered out, still half asleep.

He quietly laughed. "Yes, Love. Keys so we can get into your apartment."

"Oh." reaching down to my purse, I opened the flap and retrieved them, handing them over to Edward.

He maneuvered all my weight over to one arm so he could let us both into my apartment. As we entered, he flicked on the switch so the lights in my living room shot on, nearly blinding me.

"Ugh, bright lights, bright lights."

He placed me down on the sofa, before turning off the lamp besides me. Letting a giggle escape his lips. "You sound like Gizmo from the Gremlin's. Bright lights, bright lights." He said mocking me.

I was in to much pain to start anything, so I just opened my eyes and gave him a deathly glare. "Shut up," I said with all the aggravation that I could muster.

"Love, I'm sorry," He said leaning down over the back of the couch. His eyes were serious and held no humor anymore.

Gulping, I felt the room spinning from above

_Yep, clearly drunk._

Without thinking, I asked him, "Sorry about what?"

Edward came around from the back of the couch to sit on the couch, lifting my head and placing it on his lap. "Everything."

I should not of asked that. I felt myself wanting to kick my other self in the ass right now for letting him speak about this.

"Bella, I am so sorry for everything. I should of told you years ago. And today with Tanya, that was…."

He trailed off, looking all frustrated. He ran his hand through his hair and was looking away from me up towards my ceiling fan.

"Was what Edward?"

_Can I just not stop?_

"That was her, coming on to me, she told me that you would never leave Jacob, never really forgive me, never really love me." Edward looked down at me with tears falling from his eyes. "It, she means nothing."

I rotated my head to look at this fallen man before me, and I fell even further in love.

_Don't_

_Don't do it._

I did not listen to my inner me and did what I truly have always wanted, desired, dreamed of doing.

Well I can always play it off that I was under the influence.

_Yeah of Edward._

I put my healthy arm around his neck and pulled him down closer to me. He willingly obliged and as he was mere millimeters away, I closed my eyes before plunging forward, breaking the last frontier of his lips.

God, his lips. I was literally in heaven right now. Savoring as he parted his lips to allow my dominating tongue to flit onto his. He pressed forward as soon as I made contact, pulling my back up to lessen the distance between the two of us. I finally let him dictate the kiss, wanting to know how much he wanted this.

And he did.

We continued until I broke our joining, needing air.

I pulled back, feeling a little disconcerted, but mainly enjoying what I had just done.

I kissed Edward Cullen, I kissed Edward Cullen, I kissed Edward Cullen was repeating over in a sing song voice in my mind.

I closed my eyes laying my head back down, not wanting to see the reaction on his face. I did not have to wait for his vocal one though….

"Wow," he breathlessly said.

"Yeah, wow." I repeated, squinting to get a read on him.

Happy?

Sad?

Mad?

What?

Taking his right hand, placing his fingertips at the top of my forehead, he followed the length of my face with his.

I opened my eyes further, and watched as he continued the circuit. After about the eighth time, I grabbed his hand with my left one and held it still as I kissed his palm.

He sighed and then admitted to me, "I love you Bella."

_Not thinking_, not thinking _rationally._

_But he said he loved me?_

"Edward take me to bed," I demanded of him.

He situated my body so he could once again carry me off……

To bed.

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**Like I said before, I am the Queen of Cliffies, but I will let you in on a tidbit of info- her fiance returns next chapter-Dun dun dun dunn, And as the Marital Bliss World turns, please show Edward and I some love, by hitting the green button.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing!!!**

**Okay this chapter is short, but it gets inside of Bella's head. Please understand if I wrote longer chapters it would mean I would only get to update maybe once every two weeks. (Sorry, but I am currently working on three+ stories right now and it is hard to try to be that creative) So please forgive. I promise that when the inspiration comes the chapters will be longer. **

**Okay I(we) need your help. My comrade (Twilightmommyof4girls) and I are going to be starting a new story together, but we need your help. We need to know if you could ask any of the Cullens (including Bella, Renesmee and Jacob) any question(s) what would it be. Your help with this task would be greatly appreciated.**

**Many props go to my beta- Twilightmommyof4girls- you have got to go check out her story-Searching- it is fab-u-lous!!!**

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I squeezed my eyes shut for just a few moments longer, trying to keep the sunlight that was beaming in my bedroom windows away. I reached over to the bed stand to grab my alarm clock, not wanting to have to sit up at all.

The time displayed was 9:35am.

Crap!

I slammed the clock back on the table, almost breaking the poor thing and shot up to a sitting position in my bed.

Bad choice. My head felt like a sledgehammer was being rammed through it, over and over again. Taking both hands, I started rubbing my temples trying to subdue the throbbing. I glanced over to the spot next to me, Jacob's side of the bed, and saw the most peculiar thing, a red rose laid upon the pillow with a note attached.

I reached over and noticed my bandaged wrist and grabbed the note that was folded in half. I opened it and noticed the familiar handwriting.

_Bella,_

_I'm sorry I was not here when you woke up-_

_Don't worry about coming into work today,_

_I know that you will be in pain. _

_Remember to stay off your ankle and baby your wrist._

_Please call me after you wake up- I miss you already._

_Love __Always,_

_Edward_

Edward, Edward. EDWARD!!!

Holy shit!

Everything from last night started coming back to me…….

Sully's.

James.

Drinking a lot, and then some more.

Flirting with James to make someone jealous, someone who was watching me, someone at the end of the bar….

That someone being Edward.

Edward following me to the bar and following me out of the bar.

Me running away from him down the street and then falling.

Edward coming to my rescue and carrying me back home.

Edward and I kissing.

Edward telling me, "I love you Bella."

I asking Edward to take me to….

He took me to bed, I asked Edward to take me to bed, to…..

_Bed__._

I gulped loudly after I remembered how I had behaved last night. The extra saliva that had built up in the back of my throat was making me very nauseous. I had a feeling that it had just as much to do with my guilt as my extreme alcohol intake last night.

_What have I done?_

Whatever happened I knew that I was totally at fault, but how could I of done this to Jacob.

Not being able to hold it anymore I bolted out of bed and made it to the bathroom, just in time for the contents of my stomach to make an appearance, and left me with my head hovered around the ivory seat of my toilet. After finishing my third round, I felt it was safe enough to head back to bed.

Once there, I pulled a pillow over my face contemplating my chances at self strangulation. Figuring it was a lost cause, I held the pillow to my face and screamed and cried out in frustration, aggravation and shame. Tears of anger started to flow freely from my already bloodshot eyes. Mad at my self, I started to throw things : my pillows, some small tokens, the rose and letter from Edward.

I just shook my head, knowing that destroying my room was not the appropriate way to channel all my negative energy. I set about to retrieve the items that I had flung across the room, wincing once I had applied any pressure to my injured ankle. After I had set most of the things back in there proper place, (luckily nothing was broken) I bent over to pick up the rose and letter. Lifting the flower towards my nose, I inhaled the fragrance, closed my eyes and started to think about the man that had given it to me….

Edward.

What was I going to do? He admitted to me last night that he loved me, right before we….. Yeah.

And I certainly am still in love with him. But where does that leave us?

_Your engaged to another man for God's sakes._

Jacob.

He deserved so much better than this. Maybe I just had this one indiscretion because he left me here all alone.

_Bullshit._

He loves me, he really freaking loves me and I jeopardized everything with him. And I love him, I do just…

_Not the same way I love Edward._

Does Edward even want anything with me? Is he playing a game that everyone else is just going along with?

Do I throw away everything that I had with Jacob, just after one night?

God! I hate that my best friend is his sister. And I hate it even more that I am freaking pissed at her, at all of them. I have never felt so alone in all my life. I just wanted to curl up in my bed, and stay there, trying to forget everything that I had done.

Pulling myself out of my thoughts, I decided I should straighten up the living room. I walked over to where Edward had placed my bouquet of roses in a vase and added the one that I had been holding onto. I grasped the other note that was attached to them, pulled it off the string and read it.

_Bella,_

_Please forgive me, _

_Please don't leave._

_Love __Always,_

_Edward  
_

Taking my fingers, I ran them back and forth over his writing, imagining him addressing and scripting both of these notes, that I was now clutching, to me.

I made my way back into my bedroom and placed both notes in my top drawer under my lingerie to ponder later. Deciding that it would be better to get my self cleaned up for the day I went ahead and took a shower.

That was not necessarily one of my best ideas. The whole time I kept remembering Edward's hands all over my body. His mouth, his lips, his kisses that covered every square inch of my skin. The look in his eyes, the want, the desire, the love. The way we fit perfectly together, and I do mean perfectly. I had never felt that wonderful before….Never.

I am so screwed.

_Literally_.

After I started to dry my hair with the towel, there was a knock at the door. I sighed having a feeling that it might be my visitor from last night, and I was not ready to deal with everything yet.

_Please don't be Edward._

To say I got lucky with my wish would be a gross understatement. Standing at the door was the other person I was not ready to deal with at this moment….

Jacob.

He was holding onto his carry on bag over his shoulder, leaning up to the doorframe, holding another arrangement of red roses for me.

_Aren't I lucky?_

I tried to hide my dismay by offering him the most genuine, but untrue, smile I could assemble. He smiled back, came in through the doorway and had thrown his bag on the floor before he gathered me up and carried me to my bedroom.

_God, if you are listening…This. Is. Not. Funny!_

He expected what any normal man would probably be expecting, after being away from his fiancé for this long.

Sex.

I felt like I owed him this, he deserved this, if this is what I could offer him to take away some of this guilt, than I would offer myself to him, but…

_It just felt so wrong._

"I missed you," he breathed out in between kisses.

"I missed you too."

I honestly, one hundred percent with out a doubt did miss him, that was not a lie.

"Baby," he said, pulling back to glance at my face. "Is everything okay?"

He's joking right?

Would anything ever be okay after last night?

_No, not really._

I just smiled and nodded my head, trying to avoid a reason to outright lie to him, if I didn't verbally need to.

Verbally…nice.

"I love you Bella."

Somehow, after last night, those words didn't have the same affect on me as when Edward confessed them.

I closed my eyes, finally admitting to myself that I wished it would have been my visitor from last night. "I love you too."

I am so screwed.

Literally.

_Don't I know it. Literally._

_

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**Now remember when you review tell me what question to ask the Cullens!!!**  
_


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, still.**

**Thanks to my beta-twilightmommyof4girls- please check out her story -Searching.**

**Please check out my other story- the Cullen Brothers. Also I am doing a co-author story with my Beta. The name is Interview with a Vampire. Check it out on my profile page.**

**We need your help to write the story!!!**

**I will be starting back to school tomorrow(crosses fingers) so updates will not be as frequent. But please be patient. I have a three day weekend coming up and plan on writing up a storm to get ahead.  
**

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_**Say my name.**_

I got out of bed, looking over at my fiancé's sleeping form. I made my way over to my dresser to collect some clothes to get dressed into after my second shower of the day.

What am I going to do?

I had no freaking idea.

Shit!

Well within the course of twelve hours I had slept with two different men.

_God, I'm a slut._

My fiancé, who was sleeping in our bed, right now.

And before that…..

_Yeah before that. Slut._

I was with my first true love, the man that I had always been in love with.

_Even now._

Edward.

What am I going to do?

Edward told me he loved me.

And so did Jacob.

Who did I want?

Both. But in different ways.

Who did I love?

Both. But in different ways.

Who could I trust?

My fiancé. Not Edward.

Who was I engaged to?

My fiancé. Not Edward.

Would I still marry him?

I. Do. Not. Know.

Could I still marry him?

I. Do. Not. Think. So.

I could not, in my right mind, begin to explain to him what I did. How would he ever forgive me?

He wouldn't.

And how in the hell did I put myself in this situation?

Two words:

Edward and alcohol.

Note to self: Not a good mixture if you want to make sane decisions.

I was standing in the shower, letting the water wash away all of my filth. I just wished it would of helped with the way I was thinking. I felt so dirty on the inside.

Never before had I slept with two different men in that short period of time. Even in college, I was always in a relationship with someone before we crossed that line.

And I had never slept with someone out of an obligation.

That felt so wrong.

And when I told him that I loved him.

Which one?

My fiancé, when I told him I loved him, I was thinking of someone else.

But Edward had been out of my life for so long. If he cared.

He said he cared. He said he loved you.

But it changed nothing.

_Really?_

Was I expecting some type of commitment from Edward?

I wish.

To him last night could have been just…..

Say it.

_Say it._

Just sex. Nothing more.

Great, now I feel like a bigger piece of shit.

I dropped myself down on the floor of the shower and started balling.

I was crying for all the damage that I had done.

I was crying because I had no idea how to erase what I had done.

I was crying because I knew that he would never truly want me.

I was crying because I made a commitment, a promise to someone else and I needed to see it through. My fiancé would never abandon me. Never leave me. Not like Edward had.

My fiancé made his way into the bathroom. I stopped my sobs, so he would not question me.

"Baby, I was thinking. Now that you have switched companies," he said.

"Yeah?" I said.

"Well, Wolfe Publishing has a division out in Seattle and.."

"And what?"

"Well you could transfer there and we wouldn't have to be apart for all this time. What do you think?' he asked.

"I don't know. I guess I could do that. I still have another week at Cullen's though," I told him.

"Just think about it okay," he said and left me alone, back to my own thoughts.

_Again._

Would I want to leave?

No. Especially like this.

But would I, could I ?

I don't know.

I got out of the shower and got dressed. I went out to the couch to catch up on some paperwork that I needed to finish for work. My fiancé had told me that he was going to take a shower. I was looking at both sets of flowers that I had received. I had to lie to my fiancé and tell him the others were from Alice.

Let the lies begin.

Someone knocked at my door and I made my way over to answer it. It was after two in the afternoon and I had no idea who could be stopping by.

_Unless._

_Please no._

I went over to the door to answer it. Opening the door was the very last person that I needed to see at this moment.

Edward.

Standing there in the doorway was my own personal Adonis. He leaned up against the doorframe with his jacket that hung over his shoulder, supported by his fingers. He had on a white button down, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and his tie was hanging loosely from his collar.

God, could he get any more beautiful.

_Hell no._

I had to keep myself from licking my lips and wanting to devour the man standing a couple of feet before me.

"Hi," he said, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

God, I am going to hell.

_Yes, you are._

I had my fiancé in the other room and I had to defuse this situation before it got out of hand.

"What are you doing here?" I whispered. Hoping my other visitor would not notice.

His eyes grew large and his grin fell just a bit.

"Well…you never called, so I just thought…." Edward said, but was interrupted.

"Bella, who are you talking to?" my fiancé called out from the bedroom.

_Shit._

I closed my eyes and sucked in both of my lips. Wishing a way out of this.

No luck. I heard my fiancé's footsteps coming closer.

I opened my eyes to see Edward in complete shock. His once smiling face, now cold and emotionless. His sparkling eyes, now bitter and distant.

_Shit. Shit._

How do I get myself into these messes?

I had no freaking idea.

I gave him a small apologetic smile while I called back to my fiancé, who was now walking into the living room.

"It's someone from work."

He walked closer to the door. He had on a pair of jeans and was pulling his shirt on over his head as he came over to where I was standing. He came over and put a arm around my shoulder, and pulled me into a protective hold in front of Edward. I winced at the contact.

Did he have to go all caveman here?

_Well you did cheat on him, with the other him._

Ouch.

_The truth hurts bitch._

My fiancé stood there and waited for me to introduce them. Edward was starting to fume, his right fist was clenched and his standing form was rigid.

I motioned towards Edward first. "Edward, this is my fiancé…" I said, but was unable to speak the words.

A moment passed as I watched the man that I was in love with become hurt by my words. He closed his eyes, sensing what was about to be said.

An arm reached past me and extended towards him. "Jacob. I'm Bella's fiancé."

Why couldn't I say his name.

Because…..

"Edward," he said harshly.

The shook hands quickly and separated. The three of us stood there with an awkwardness all around us.

I shifted uncomfortably and pulled my arms around my waist, not wanting to show preference to either one.

"Well, I'll leave you two alone to discuss work," Jacob said and leaned down to kiss my right temple.

_Shit._

Edward plastered his face with a feign smile and nodded.

"Edward, it was nice to meet you."

"Same here," Edward said, his voice cold.

I turned and watched as Jacob left the room, closing the bedroom door once he entered.

As soon as he was gone, Edward grabbed my good arm and pulled me into the hall. I closed the door, so we could have some kind of privacy. Once I was situated, I noticed that he was leaning up against the opposite wall, looking down towards the ground.

"So that's him," Edward said sarcastically.

I closed my eyes, knowing what kind of trap I was walking into .

"Yes," I answered, barely above a whisper.

"Well isn't that fan-freaking-tastic." He shrugged, obstinately.

I stood there. I had nothing to say. Well not really, I had tons of things to say, but nothing concerning this.

What could I say?

_Oh, Edward, that was my fiancé that I slept with, not even twelve hours after I had slept with you, try to understand._

I don't think that would work.

_Nope._

Edward raised his eyes up to meet mine. "So what was…… everything?" he asked.

What was last night?

A drunken mistake?

No.

Did I regret it?

Hell no.

Do I even know?

No.

"I don't know."

I could see his face change as soon as the sounds left my lips. "You. Don't. Know," he seethed at me.

I reached my hand over to touch him. He put up his arm to block my attempt.

"Edward," I said.

"Don't. You don't know, remember? Oh, or don't you remember last night either?" he said, raising his voice at the end.

"Shh," I told him, holding a finger up to my lips to convey my meaning.

"What? You don't want your fiancé to know? Just like you don't know?" His anger towards me was evident.

What was he expecting from me? To just drop everything because Edward Cullen told me he loved me, made love to me.

_You dropped everything last night. And I mean everything._

"What do you want?" I spat at him.

"More than this. More than this. Goodbye, Bella." he turned and walked away towards the elevator. Once he got on, he kept his back to me as the doors closed behind him.

I stood there. I stood there and had no idea how to fix this. No matter what someone was going to get hurt. And right now I was hurting all three of us.

Maybe if I took Jacob up on his offer, than I could fix him and I. Our relationship. There was no relationship between Edward and I. Just pain.

I had to fix something. And I knew what was in my power to fix.

I went back into my apartment.

"Jacob, I think I should go to Seattle. I'll call Angela and make it happen."

_God, help me._

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_**Cliffie queen out!! please help me get closer to 100 reviews!! Please**  
_


	12. announcement

Hey everyone!!

I want to say happy Memorial Day to all my fellow American readers out there.

Secondly, I need to tell you that I will not be able to update either story until my intercession History class is through. I have midterms on Tuesday, followed by a 500 page book to be read by the following Monday. Then to top it all off I have three written reports to be written in between all that. So I am literally drained. I promise that I will get back into it before my next class starts, but that is not nearly as intensive. I didn't want to keep all of you hanging wondering when the next update was going to be. (i had received a couple P.M.'s asking that)

So remember to look for the next updates the weekend of the 6th of June!!!

I am so sorry, but I underestimated the amount of time this class would require.

Thanks for understanding.

Patty


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I own nothing, still.

Thanks for everyone's patience with this story. I will need even more since I start back with the summer semester tomorrow!!

**Thanks to my beta, Twilightmommyof4girls. Please check out her story Searching!!!**

**And go check out my new story, My Protectors. It was written for the Epic T one shot contest. I had tons of fun writing a sassy Bella and moody Edward (who doesn't) I plan on making it onto a longer story. Still a littloe uncertain how I see it playing out, but you know me- TONS OF CLIFFIES GALORE!!!! Plus check out the Cullen Brothers if you have not already. All the stories are on my profile page so if you get a chance check them out.**

I did promise the weekend, and by my watch its still Sunday!!

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The next several days were all a blur. I had called Angela, and true enough, I could probably transferred to Seattle. But she needed me to go to Phoenix, Arizona first, if I was willing.

_I was so willing._

I needed to step back and figure out things.

Where did things stand?

With Jacob?

With Edward?

If I was away from both of them, then maybe I could make some decisions.

_Yeah right!_

I was just using this as an excuse to run and hide away from everything, from them, from him.

_Edward._

Jacob had returned to Seattle the following Monday and I was left here to fend for myself for the rest of the week. Edward was all but invisible at the office, I only heard of his comings and goings and had not encountered him once throughout the week.

That was a good thing.

_Really?_

I had no idea what to say to him.

Here it was the beginning of February, and according to my and everyone else's calendar, I was set to get married in just a little over two months.

I had no idea what to do.

Today was my last day at Cullen Publishing. Some of the editors were taking me out after work to send me off properly. Next week I was starting over at Wolfe, and then being transferred out to Phoenix, with Angela, for the next four weeks to get that division up and going.

Alice was relentless and called every single day, multiple times a day, trying to speak to me. When I would not return her calls, she even went so far as to involve Emmett and Rose, who were due back from their honeymoon later on today. Rose had called me while she was in France and demanded that just her and I had a talk sometime this weekend, preferably tomorrow.

_Can't wait._

The day laggard by, I felt like all I did was sit back and watch the clock. I had already packed up all of my personal belongings and took them home yesterday. I filed my final reports with Eleazar, who asked me to reconsider my decision. I felt bad, truly I did, but I had to get away from him, from them. I needed to step back and think.

About him.

About Jake.

About what I did, and what to do.

_Do I still get married?_

Even though I was in love with someone else…..I think.

_Shit. I don't know._

That's why I needed this. This would be good for me to get away from both of them.

Ah, five in the afternoon. The best time of the day. Plus it's Friday, and the last day of work for me here, forever.

I was meeting all of them at the local bar just down the street. I picked up my purse and coat and turned the lights off in my office. Before I closed the door, I turned and took in the sight of my office one more time.

"Goodbye," I said out loud, even though no one was present to hear.

I made my way to the elevator and noticed how empty the floor was, although I knew it was because the majority of them would be there at my send off. I pushed the button for the elevator, and waited.

And waited.

And waited….

_This never takes this long._

I started tapping my foot, trying to deal with my anxiousness.

I was wondering why I was so excited to be leaving, and then it hit me.

I was free. For the first time in my adult, adolescent, childhood or otherwise life I was free. For the first time, I was making a decision based on what I wanted, what I needed and not what was expected of me by anyone else, not Alice or any of the Cullens.

I took a deep breath and sighed at the thought.

_I'm free._

The elevator dinged letting me know that it was time to get the hell out of Dodge. I shook my head and smiled with anticipation at taking those last few steps.

The doors opened.

_Oh shit._

Edward….

Edward and Tanya.

They were both standing there with their coats and briefcases to go home for the day. I took a deep breath and steadied myself before I stepped in the car, not bothering to acknowledge either one of them.

I felt his eyes surveying me from my side view.

Could this get any more uncomfortable?

I felt like there was a big giant pink elephant in the room. The air felt thick and heavy.

Tanya cleared her throat.

Please don't.

"So, Bella," she said.

Shit. She was attempting to talk to me.

I could not find my voice, so I just nodded for her to continue, even though I wished she wouldn't.

"So today is your last day?"

_Duh, idiot._

"Yep," I said and looked down to the hem of my shirt, using the stray thread that was hanging off as a distraction.

"It must be exciting, starting a new job and all," she said, sneering. She gave me a feigned smile and looked over to Edward.

At that point I could not help it, I had to look at him.

And I did, and now I was sorry that I did.

He was staring at me. His eyes were fixated on me with a mix of sadness and anger. His face was sullen and void of any other emotion. He was cold. Just like he was the night he came to my apartment.

If looks could kill.

"Don't you think it's exciting, Edward," she said in a sugary sweet voice, attempting to sound seductive or something, I guess.

The sound was as bad as listening to fingernails on a chalk board.

Of course, I mentally cringed. Did she actually get guys like this?

Edward looked to her and huffed. He started to shake his head at her snide comment when the elevator stopped and opened.

"Well this is my stop," she called out. "I need to see Harry in Human Resources quickly before I head home for the day." She looked over to Edward for some type of response.

She received none. He looked away to the side of the elevator, and ignored her eyes. I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that she had somehow gotten to me, again.

She dallied there for a moment longer, and when she finally realized that neither of us would reply to her farewell attempt, she left. I pushed the button that made the doors close faster; to make her disappearance go a little faster.

Once the doors closed that's when things started to really get awkward. The elevator car started to descend downward for the last eighteen or so floors to the garage. Edward shocked the shit out of me by stepping over in front of me, and with his left hand he pushed the all stop button on the elevator, while his other pressed up against the wall behind my head, not allowing for any type of escape.

"Edward," I snapped. Not that I minded being this close to him. It's just….

What?

_I kinda longed for it, actually._

He took a half a step closer and situated his face mere inches away from mine. His green eyes bore into mine with an enlightened interest. The once hardened, stony eyes were now apathetic and pleading, wanting.

Man, was I in trouble.

"Bella," he said as he got so close, his lips were ghosting mine.

I closed my eyes at his voice. The sound of vocal honey was just to much. His lips dangled at the corner of mine, like he was waiting for me to push forward, or give him a gesture for him to continue on.

Remember, you are supposed to be thinking about things.

Kind of hard when you had him planted at your lips doorstep.

A voice spoke on the intercom, "Is everyone alright? I will call someone to get the elevator going…." The voice broke our close connection apart.

Edward cut the man off. "It's fine. This is Edward Cullen. I stopped the car on purpose."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen," the man apologized.

"It's fine. I'll push the button when I am ready to continue," Edward said and look to me for confirmation.

Was he serious?

"Thank you, sir."

Edward placed his attention back on to me. "Now where was I?" he said and continued forward.

"Edward," I sighed as he came closer and placed his lips on mine. The kiss started off slow and somewhat innocent, but as he pulled me in closer to him, our kiss took on a natural course of its own. One that was filled with lust, love and utter and complete madness.

What was I doing?

_Must I answer that?_

I realized that this was just the thing that I was trying to avoid until I figured things out.

Yeah, like what in the hell I was going to do.

I put both of my palms up against his chest and pushed us apart a little. "Edward, we have to stop," I said, breathless.

He groaned and leaned his forehead up against mine. "Baby, please don't leave."

_Don't leave? _

He had not talked to me since he left my apartment, almost a week ago. Although it was for the best that we kept our distance from each other, he still could have tried.

I wanted him to have tried. There that was the total and complete freaking truth to the matter. He could have, should have at least tried.

Not wait until the last minute.

I was relishing in Edward's sweet scent. "I have to."

He stepped back a little and took me all in. His eyes probing mine for some type of information. I tried to seem complacent about the whole situation.

I wanted to stay right here in his arms, but I knew it would serve me no good until I made my decision.

"Why?" he asked.

Why? Because I was pondering throwing away my life for you. I was contemplating walking away from a man who loved me, to be with you.

_That's why._

I backed away from him and leaned up against the wall. "You want the truth?" I asked confidently.

"Please."

Okay, internal gut check. Can I do this?

_Well it's now or never._

"Because Edward, I need to figure out my feelings. I am supposed to get married in almost two months." He winced after I admitted this. I took two broad steps and crossed the car to get to him. I lifted up his chin with my hand to make him understand.

"But I also need to tell you that I love you," I said. His eyes brightened a bit and his once frown started to turn upwards.

"Bella, Baby, I love you too."

I put up my hand to let him know I meant to continue. "I know. But I am also still engaged to a man that loves me very much, and I need some time to figure things out before I make the decision to go ahead with the wedding, or walk away."

"You don't have to leave though. I could…." he started saying before I cut him off.

"I know that too, but for me to be honest with myself, I need to be away from both of you. I do need to know one thing though, before I leave."

_God, this was bold._

Yeah, but I wanted to know before I walked away from anyone, Edward or Jake.

"Anything," he said as he placed both of arms around my back and settled them on the north side of my ass. He seemed anxious to know what I was wondering.

I took a deep breath and let it out through my nose, squeezed my eyes shut for a brief moment.

Here goes nothing.

"If, and I mean only if, I were to call off the wedding, what do you want for us?" I asked as I watched his eyes for any indication of anything.

"What exactly do you mean, like us being together?" he said and added a little smirk at the end.

He knew exactly what I was asking.

_Ass._

I huffed and pulled away from him.

He did not want any part of that.

Gotcha.

"Yes, you ass."

He started to chuckle as he pressed himself up against me. "I want you Bella, every part of you. I want to be with you, and no silly dating crap either. I want you to be mine," he said and pressed his lips down to mine. "Just mine…forever."

_Wow, that took balls._

I stood back and gave him a stern look. "Edward, how can you really say that. We hardly know each other anymore. You left me, Edward. For eight freaking years you…."

He lifted one finger up to stop my ranting. "Shhh, Bella. I'm so sorry. I need you to understand why I did. Please, I need you to listen to me, before you decide, before you leave, will you please listen."

This could change everything.

_Say yes. Say yes._

"Yes. But I really have to get going, I am expected to show up sometime for my going away party you know."

"Please rethink leaving. I know you think you can't be near me, but.." I stopped his ramblings.

"Edward, this is a great promotion for me. A great opportunity for me to be on my own without any Cullen help. I need this. Please, just let me go."

He grabbed and held me tight. "Isabella Swan," he said sternly. "I will never let you go unless you promise to really think about coming back. I need you."

"Edward, I told you before," I said as I moved around him to push the button for the elevator to continue. "I love you. I am in love with you, I always have been and I most probably always will."

He pressed his lips to mine in such a frenzied manor. The elevator dinged letting us know that we had come to the first destination, mine, the lobby.

The doors started to open as we parted ways. He held on to my hand. "Bella, I am in love with you too, always have been and most defiantly always will. You have my heart, always."

I separated from him and walked off the elevator. I turned to take in the sight of him once more. I raise my hand up to my mouth and blew him a kiss. He smiled and grabbed it out of thin air and placed it on his lips. He smiled and mouthed 'I love you' as the doors closed. He tilted his head to look at me one final time before they shut completely.

The butterflies in my stomach jumped for joy and I took a deep breath as I rotated from my spot to head out the door.

What I was not expecting was the bitch who was only standing about three feet away and had taken in the whole thing.

"Enjoy your ride down?" Tanya asked sarcastically.

I did not need this now.

"Do you need something Tanya because I was leaving," I said as I attempted to walk past her. I noticed that the lobby was empty of any security or any passers by.

She grabbed my bad arm and twisted me around so I could face her. "You can leave Edward alone or else," she hissed.

_What in the hell?_

Oh this bitch just pissed me off.

"Or what, Tanya?" I challenged as I pulled my arm away from her grasp.

She took her perfectly manicured index finger and waved it back and forth in front of my face. "Tsk, tsk, Bella. You wouldn't want your fiancé to know you were in love with another man, now would you."

Oh you low life, skanky ass, bitch.

I tried to still my emotions and keep my face unchanged by her admission. "Where would you get that idea?" I said as I tried to dodge her inquiring glare. If she could see my eyes right now, she would be able to see the tears that had started to form.

"Oh, maybe from this security tape I have in my hand," she said and produced a disk from her designer purse.

_Shit._

"How would you…."

"Oh, I was in the security office right after Edward stopped your elevator car. I didn't need to talk to anyone, I just needed to see what would happen when you two were alone, and now I have proof for everyone to see," she said and waved the evidence back and forth in my face. I tried to grab it from her.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. I already made a copy by transferring it to my phone and sent it to my computer. This is only a copy. Now if you don't want, what's his name?"

"Jake."

"Yes, Jake to know, then you will stay away from Edward. Do I make myself clear?" She sneered.

Did I already call her a bitch?

_Bitch. Bitch._

"Crystal," I said, feeling defeated.

"And if you even think of running to Edward or anyone else about this, Jake will get an early wedding present. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Good now go ahead and enjoy your new job," she laughed. "Shit, enjoy your new life, without Edward. Goodbye Bella," she said, and left me standing there watching her as she walked through the front doors.

Well this complicated things.

_You think?_

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	14. Chapter 14

I still own nothing!!! Props to my Beta- twilightmommyof4girls- she just put up the next chapter of her story**-Searching**, so go check it out!!!

I will be out of town until Sunday/Monday! So no updates until later on next week. Please be aware that my other stories will not get updated until then either.

This chapter will be about Bella and as a special surprise next chapter will be all Edward's P.O.V. and will explain why he left and so on. (I can't freaking wait)

Remember to show me some love in the form of reviews!!

**Chapter 13- Rosalie and Me.**

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Here I was sitting all by myself at the local Starbuck's waiting for Rose to show up. I had ordered us both lattes and mine was already half gone. I really did not consider that a problem, since after my little run in with Tanya last night, I proceeded to become very inebriated and found myself with quite the hangover this morning. At least last time that I got drunk, I ended up with a nice parting gift in the form of Edward Cullen in my bed.

That was a good time.

Definitely.

When I had talked to Rose earlier this week, she told me that she had to talk Emmett out of coming with her. It seems that he wanted to explain things to me so I would not hate all of the Cullens. I never hated anyone. I was just hurt.

Really bad.

The doors to the establishment opened and in walked Rose, looking beautiful and radiant as ever.

"Bella," she called out as she made her way over to the table. "I missed you so much." She enveloped me into a huge bear hug that was a usual characteristic of her new husband.

"I missed you too, Rose."

She went to go sit down at the chair opposite of me. "Oh, you would not believe Paris, it was so beautiful. And Emmett, he is so romantic. You should have seen the room, and the view."

I really was not in the mood for this, but I plastered my face with the most sincere smile I could muster. "That sounds great, Rose. I'm glad you had a great time."

She let out a small laugh. "You know that I didn't want to see you to talk about my honeymoon, Bella. I needed to talk to you about everything that is going on, and everything that happened since I left."

And the shit will hit the fan.

"Okay, so what about it?" I asked, trying to seem nonchalant about the whole thing.

"Don't give me that crap, Bella."

So she's on to me.

I looked down at my emptying coffee to try to keep from meeting her inquiring gaze. She tapped the table twice to make me take notice of her.

"Bella, please talk to me," she pleaded.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked sarcastically, as I stood up to go to the counter to get a second latte.

I came back over and watched as she sat there nursing her drink. "This is cold you know."

"Well you know, if you get your butt here on time, it wouldn't be." I chuckled

"Okay, well as you know," she started to say.

This all of a sudden did not seem like a very good idea.

She went on, "Alice called me and told me that you walked in on her and Edward's conversation last week."

"Yes."

"And that you pretty much have not spoken to her since," she finished.

"Okay."

She sat there tapping her French manicured nails; rapping them against the table, repeatedly. Rose was staring me down the entire time, waiting for me to say something.

I don't think she even blinked once.

When she got impatient she raised both eyebrows in my direction.

"What?" I said.

"You know what, Bella Swan."

Ugh.

"I just want to know one thing. How long did you know? Really, Rose, how long?" I asked and took a quick drink before she started to say something.

"Bella, it was not my…"

I was a little pissed, she was going to try to talk this around in circles. "Rose, that is bullshit and you know it."

She looked a little shocked by me calling her out. She grabbed onto a napkin and started to tear at the edges.

She started out again in a lower, calmer voice. "Bella, I'm sorry about everything, but it was not my story to tell. I know that you think that everyone was against you when it came to Edward, but even Esme and Carlisle asked me not to say something. I wanted to, right after I found out what was really going on. I told Edward that you deserved the right to know."

Esme and Carlisle were the ones to ask her not to say anything to me?

"For how long, Rose? For how freaking long?" I said, once I could rationalize a few coherent words together.

"About the time that Jasper found out. The three of us, Emmett, Jasper and I went out to California to see Alice and Edward, and their parents one Christmas," she explained.

"When was Alice in California? I don't remember that," I told her. I was thinking back to all the previous years. Although we did not go to same school, we pretty much talked every day.

"It was about six or maybe seven years ago, I think."

Six or seven years ago. Six or seven years ago….

I went to Cancun with my parents over the holidays one of those years. My mom had been complaining about the cold New England weather and Dad surprised both of us with a trip to much warmer and sunnier places.

"Rose, can you tell me what in the hell is going on?" I asked, after which I started biting down on my bottom lip. I knew that Edward wanted to tell me, but after my run in with Tanya last night, I had made the decision to avoid him for right now, at least until I figured things out.

She let out two short chuckles. "He hasn't told you yet?"

"No. He said he wanted to, but I don't know if I want to see him before I leave."

"So, no shit, you really are leaving?"

'Yes, Rose, I'm leaving. I leave on Thursday." I watched as her face fell into a frown. "Don't worry, I'll be back though," I said as I reached across the table and patted her settled hand.

"He's such a coward," she said, shaking her head. She picked up her now cold latte and took a drink.

I added no comment to her description of him.

"So are you going to tell me or what?" I asked, again.

"Nope, like I said before, it's not my story to tell. If you want to know, you need Edward or someone else to tell you."

Great.

"But I do want to know everything that had happened since I was gone," she said.

"Okay."

"And not the edited version either," she demeaned.

I told her everything that had happened between Edward and me. I told her all the happenings of Alice and myself. I explained the scenario at the bar with James, Edward and I. And I finished off the story with the play by play of Edward coming to my apartment and the confines of the elevator. I told her everything. Sleeping with Edward, flirting with Edward, arguing with Edward, Jacob meeting Edward.

Can you see a pattern here?

Edward, Edward, Edward.

The only part that I left out was my little, actually monumental discussion with Tanya,

If Rose found out about that, she would run to Emmett, Alice and Edward without a seconds thought, even if I swore her to secrecy.

"What are you going to do, Bella?" she asked.

I had no freaking idea.

"The only thing I know to do is to go away from both of them and think things through," I told her.

She gave me a slanted stare. "Bella, be reasonable, You have been in love with him for as long as I have known you. You are really thinking of throwing that all away."

"Rose, he left me," I said as I spilt some of my coffee mixture, that was scalding hot, onto my lap. "Shit! Rose, no matter what else, he was gone for eight freaking years. I don't even know if I want a explanation anymore. It really doesn't matter anymore. And besides all that I'm engaged, remember?" I said as I raised up my left hand to flash my solitaire engagement ring in her face.

"Bella, you don't believe that, and you know it, you want to know what happened, you need to know what happened," she said sarcastically.

Do I?

"Rose, I'm serious. I have thought hard and long about this and I cannot believe that he can claim that he loves me and then just expect me to forgive him. Love doesn't work like that," I explained.

"If you knew, it would change everything."

"You don't know that," I came back at her with.

"He did it for you," she whispered out so low, I barley was able to distinguish the words.

I though maybe my ears were playing a trick on me.

"What did you say?" I asked, a little to loud since others around us looked in our direction after my outburst.

"I said, he did it for you."

"What?"

"Never mind, Bella. Just talk to him and hear what really all happened. I promise you it will change everything."

"I'm not promising anything," I said.

"Fine, you are so stubborn sometimes," she said as she got up to leave. She walked around the table to give me a quick peck on the cheek. "Please talk to Alice before you leave."

"I'm not promising anything, " I said again.

"Ugh! Bella, at least tell me I will see you before you go?"

"I will promise you that."

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That whole weekend was spent packing up a few some personal items that I wanted to take with me and most of my wardrobe. Once Monday morning came, I was actually relieved to be starting my new job. Angela was great. Emily was wonderful and all my new co workers welcomed me with open arms.

Here it was now Thursday and I was set to be flying out tonight to Phoenix. Last night I went to a little send off dinner in my honor with Rose, Emmett, Jasper and Alice.

You heard right Alice.

I basically ignored her and only made small talk with her. Rose told me to bite the bullet and forgive her, but I couldn't just yet. The wound was still too deep.

I did give her a hug and told her that I would call her soon, once things got settled down.

Maybe being away from her was the best. That way I could clear my head in all directions. Not have to deal with any outside influences, or nosey little pixies that wanted to basically play the game Sims with my life.

Jacob had called every day. He was really excited for me to be starting my new job, since he was hoping that it would ultimately get me to move out there to Seattle.

I wasn't so sure anymore.

Edward had called every day this week. At home, on my cell, at my new job. I just couldn't talk to him right now. I needed a clean break and I wanted Tanya to leave me alone, until I had made some decisions. Regardless of what choice I made, Jacob deserved better than to be shown a video of me getting all cozy with Edward on the elevator and to be told that his fiancée was basically cheating on him.

I was.

I asked Rose last night to give him a brief note that I had written :

Dear Edward,

I know that I told you that I would give you a chance to explain, and I still will, but with everything this week, being so hectic and all, I never got the chance to talk to you. I know that you tried many times to get a hold of me, and I am sorry for this. Honestly Edward, I need to step back and think about things. Really think about what I am doing with my life. Over the past two weeks my seemingly ideal life has been flipped up side down by you coming back into my life and validating my long lost feelings that I always had and still have for you.

I am just asking for a little time, time to think, time to decide. This will probably be the biggest decision that I make in my whole entire life, and I need to make it on my own. No matter what, I promise that you will hear from me soon.

Love Always,

Bella

It was now getting close to three in the afternoon and my plane was set to leave at seven. I was going around my apartment to ensure that I had not missed anything. Luckily enough, with my new raise that I was receiving, I was able to keep the apartment while I was gone since Wolf Publishing would be paying the bill for my lodging out in Phoenix. At least until I could figure out what in the hell I was going to do. I was so caught up on emptying my refrigerator of all the remains of my milk, egg, and perishable items, that I did not hear a knock at the door. After the person began pounding, I finally heard.

"Hold on, I'm coming," I called out as I made my way over to the door.

I peaked over a the clock and took note that I still had another hour before the car service would be picking me up.

I opened the door and viewed someone I never thought I would be seeing today.

Esme.

"Esme, how are you?" I asked. I gave her a bright smile and a hug.

She let a small chuckle escape her lips. "Fine, fine, Bella. How are you?"

"Good. Please come in," I instructed as I ushered her into my small abode. We walked over to the sofa where I sat down and she did the same.

"Can I get you anything to drink, or anything?"

"No, no Bella, I know you are to be leaving soon and I wanted to come see you before you left," she said.

"That's so nice of you, Esme." I smiled.

"So I hear that you had a nice going away dinner last night," she said as she placed her folded hands on her lap.

"I did," I said as I was starting to wonder what she was really doing here. Esme was beating around the bush about something.

"Bella, I guess I should just tell you the real reason I came over to see you," she said. Her once glowing smile was now set as a firm line on her face.

Here we go.

"Okay," I said timidly.

She took a deep breath. "Bella, this is hard to talk about," she said as she started to get visibly upset.

I had no idea what to think. What would be making her like this?

Esme was one of those really nice, honest and a wonderful type of person that it pained you to see get upset.

"Esme, what is it?" I asked and scooted over closer to where she was on my couch.

"Bella, I wished that I could go back and change so many things…" she said, trailing off into a whisper at the end.

I stayed silent waiting for her to continue.

"Edward came over today after he received your note from Rose. He was beside himself. He thinks that once you leave, you'll forget everything and that if you leave without knowing the truth that you will not choose him, that he has hurt you too much for you to forgive him, or to even be with him." Esme reached over and grabbed my hand in hers.

I should have known that it was about Edward. But from all my years of knowing Esme, she had never once intervened on any of her children's behalf like this. She believed that her children needed to make their own way in the world. She was totally supportive, but was not generally the meddling type.

"Esme, I just need some time. If I see him again right now," I declared as I stood up to walk over towards the window to distract myself. "It would just confuse me more." I turned and leaned up against the window seat.

"Bella, I think if you knew everything, it would help you. At least give you some peace with the knowledge of what really happened. To know that he always has been in love with you. Probably since you were in pig tails and he was in braces."

I giggled internally at the vision of him when he was pre pubescent and had wire guards for teeth.

"But he was gone for so long, so long. No matter what, even if he did love me, sometimes it's just too late," I said and offered her a apologetic smile.

"That's exactly what he said you would say," she said and grinned.

I raise my eyebrows at her. "Esme, I am supposed to get married in almost two months. To a man that loves me. To a man that has never run away from me, never had me question his feelings for me."

"Do you love him?" she said abruptly, shocking me by her certain boldness.

"What? Who?"

"Who do you love, Bella?" she said as she stood up and walked over to where I was situated.

I looked down at the ground, ashamed of my answer. "Both."

It was the God's honest truth. I loved two men.

I loved Jake because he was strong, funny, resilient, head strong and faithful to no end.

I loved Edward because he was charming, witty, smart, brash, dazzling and the first love of my life; my first crush.

But who did I love more?

Good question.

"Oh, Bella. You are in a pickle are you not?" she pulled me into a hug as a couple of tears started to fall.

"Now can I ask one thing of you before you leave?" she asked as she escorted me to the couch again.

I reached up and wiped away my face. "You know I could never say no to you."

"Okay, then I want to tell you everything. Everything that happened and why Edward left. Will you allow me to tell you?" she asked as she pushed back a stray hair that was in my eyes. She pushed the piece back behind my right ear.

I closed my eyes and waited for her to start. My stomach was uneasy with the fact that I was finally getting answers, anxious even.

"Bella, we should of told you a long time ago, but Edward wanted you not to worry……."

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It was now seven thirty and I was on a plane ride to the other side of the country. Esme left a little after four when the car arrived to pick me up.

I was sitting here next to Angela, talking about everything there was to do as soon as we arrived. Tomorrow was going to be a day of meetings, project reviews and probably a lot of ass kissing. She chatted along, but the only thing that I could think about was Edward and what Esme had told me.

Esme was right.

Edward was right.

Rose was defiantly right.

And I was so, so wrong.

Knowing did change everything.

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	15. Chapter 15actual chapter people!

The long awaited chapter is finally here. This POV from Edward will be broken up into three separate chapters. All three of which will bring Edward's POV up to speed with the rest of the story.

Special thanks to my Beta,** Twilightmommyof4girls**. Please check out her story under my favorites called, **Searching.**

**And thanks to all of you my story, My Protectors made it to the next round in EPIC T-RATED ONE SHOT CONTEST hosted by Bronzehairedgirl620. Please go to my profile to please follow the link and vote again.**

I still do not own any characters, just the plot. I like to play puppet-master once and awhile.

And away we go....

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I had no idea what to expect. I left her almost eight years ago. Little did she know that I actually started to distance myself from her more and more once I knew my fate. I was dying, at least at the time. They had no idea if any course of action or treatment would help, or if my body would have rejected it and left me with no other chances. Looking back, I saw the error of my ways. If nothing else, I should have told her that I loved her, that I had always loved her, for as long as I could remember.

When I found out, from my mother, that Bella was in a serious relationship, it rocked my world. How did I let so much time pass? I had always planned on coming back and telling her. Holding on to her and never letting her go. Making her understand why I left and beg for her forgiveness. But what started out as a three year ordeal, turned into eight years while I let other things preoccupy my life; mainly work.

That's a lie.

I was a coward. I was to afraid to even try and get shot down. Somehow my psyche had rendered that at least while she didn't know, that there was still a chance. But once I faced her, it was do or die, and in more ways then one.

See Bella was my whole world, always had been. Sure I tried dating other girls, but it always felt like I was cheating, on Bella and my own heart. My body, my soul, and my heart only wanted one thing and that was her. I was almost positive that if the Cancer did not claim me, then Bella's possible rejection would have subdued me with a broken heart.

When I saw her, again, at my brother's rehearsal, I was floored. Why would she not be with someone? She was stunningly beautiful, so much that it pained me to know that I had the chance and let her go. I was such a stupid prick. She ignored me, of course. Who could blame her? At eighteen years of age that woman told me that she was in love with me. And what did I do? Told her that I did not feel the same way; that I loved her too, but only as a friend.

That was a lie, probably the most definitive lie that I had ever told in my whole life. The one that probably ruined my life.

I did love her. More than she would ever know.

I wanted her to be in love with me, almost as much as I wanted to had never been diagnosed with leukemia; that way I would have continued on with my life, and Bella and I would have been together.

That's how much I was in love with her. All my reasoning came back to her.

When I tried to talk to her that night, all I received was the cold shoulder. I told her that I missed her, and she threw it back in my face.

I deserved that.

But the one thing that I was not expecting was to hear was that Bella was engaged.

And it wasn't to me. Of course not, but I had always hoped, in some stupid type of pipe dream and thought that there was a possibility, that she was waiting for me too. I thought that we had that type of connection, or at least I knew that we did, then, before I ruined everything.

And what really hurt was that everyone in my family knew for weeks and didn't tell me.

I had a feeling, afterwords, that my brother made that little announcement like that for one of two reasons:

First, to make me realize how much I had screwed up everything.

And second, to let Bella see my reaction to the news.

Actually thinking about it, he did it for both.

With her temper, I should have known that she would go up and try to prove that she no longer needed, wanted me, by going up on stage at the bar and singing that song. I knew who it was directed at. I wasn't that stupid.

The next day was the wedding. I was almost as nervous as Emmett, and left Jasper with the task of trying to settle us both down. Alice had told me that her fiancée, Jake, would not be coming to the wedding, so that I would have an opportunity to speak to Bella without too many interruptions. That was exactly what I needed, was to talk to her and to finally tell her the truth. The truth that she had always deserved.

Over the years, my family had respected my wishes, by not disclosing my condition to Bella. I knew that if she ever found out, she would have thrown away all her chances at going to college to come be with me, worry about me. I wanted better for her, she deserved so much more than I could have given her. I wanted her to love me because of me, not a disease that had taken control over my life, or for her to feel pity for me. And if there was no possibility of remission, I never wanted her to sit idly by and watch me wither away. The boy, the man, that she knew would have dwindled away to nothing, and knowing her, it would have destroyed her.

I could not let that happen.

_I would not let that happen._

After a full on pep talk from Jasper, it was time for the wedding to begin. I waited near the front, stationed right next to Jasper and my brother, Emmett. The music started to play and in walked Bella, the only person that would ever have total claim over my heart. As she walked forward, she took my breath away. I could not keep my eyes off of her, and as a pleasant, unexpected surprise, I found that she could not take her eyes off of me either.

Maybe I still had a chance?

Once our eyes met, I smiled and watched as she blushed.

God, how I missed that.

The way the warmth of her color moved up her face only enhanced her beauty even more.

Throughout the whole ceremony, I did not pay one iota attention to what was being said, between my brother, Rose or the priest. All I concentrated on was trying to decipher Bella's movements and her clearly evident flustered self.

When the ceremony concluded we were to exit out through the entrance. I proceeded to Bella's side and escorted her. We had some banter concerning her evident loathing of me, but I knew it was for show.

I knew I was being cocky, but even though I was gone for eight years, I could still read her. She was just fighting this. But I needed to fight harder. Show her somehow.

But how?

I decided to make a bold move and when the pictures were being taken in Central Park. I went up behind her and told her that I thought she looked beautiful. When she tried to pull away from me, I grabbed on to her. I needed her to listen, hear the words that needed to be said a long time ago.

She challenged me, when I told her that I needed to talk to her. Maybe I was pushing to hard.

_You think?_

I could hear thorough her words, the anger and the validity of her reasons not to talk to me, or to even listen. So I walked away. Pushing Bella was never going to bring her around. I knew this.

Maybe all we could ever be was friends?

If that was all she would be willing to give, then I would take it. Anyway to be in her life would be sufficient enough for me.

Liar. I wanted more.

Needed more.

Later on that evening was the reception. Japer and Emmett had convinced me that I needed to bring a date. If I were to have come alone, then Bella would have seen right through me. It would have seemed a little too convenient that Bella was there alone and I was too.

At the last minute, I invited Tanya. She worked for my company, out in California and came with me, here to New York. Her uncle, Eleazar, was set to retire in just a couple of months and she was going to be filling the vacancy in the interim, until the position could be filled permanently. I knew that Tanya wanted the position, since she wanted to prove herself worthy, after the mess that she had created while she was the head of marketing division.

Tanya, Tanya, Tanya.

I should have known what a major catastrophe that would be. I explained to her, in great detail, my intentions concerning Bella. That I wanted to talk to Bella. That Tanya was there just for show, nothing more.

Once we entered the reception, I was stopped by my sister, who was quite concerned with my date, and hopped that I knew what I was doing.

Who was I freaking kidding? I had no idea what to do.

Tanya brought me out of my conversation with my sister. "Someone is watching you," she said as she threaded her arm through mine.

I knew, or at least hoped that she was speaking of Bella. I turned to face the room and smiled once I knew I made the correct impression.

Bella looked unnerved.

She was giving Tanya an appraising stare.

If I didn't know any better, I would have to say that she looked jealous.

Yes.

And the only reason people get jealous was…?

Yep, she still cared. Even if she didn't want to admit it to herself.

For a while, I sat back and watched as she danced with her father. I made my way over to where my parents were sitting and decided maybe I would seem much less like a stalker if I engaged in conversation and just 'happened' to look her way.

My father and I were discussing my plans for integrating a couple of subsidiaries within the publishing division.

My mother interrupted, "It looks like you two still have that attraction to each other."

"What?" I asked.

My father joined in and started to laugh, softly. "You and Bella. Same old, same old," he said as he raised his glass up and tipped it my way before taking a drink.

Could they see also, what I had seen?

Maybe I wasn't delusional after all.

I looked up to where my parents were gazing at and took notice of Bella, watching me. I could not help but to smile at her and her father noticed and waved. They went back to dancing and ever so often they would both direct their attention back to me.

Where they talking about me?

The song ended and she went onto dance with my brother, Jasper, my father and her stepfather, Phil. She finally took a break and headed off the floor, to the restroom, I presumed.

For some odd reason, I noticed that someone else was also missing….Tanya. I knew that Tanya would not reveal my master plan and all, but she was a spitfire. Always doing what she thought was right, but with her history, was usually the wrong choice.

She better not have.

A short time later, Tanya exited the bathroom door, followed a couple paces behind by Bella. Tanya made her way over to the table I was sitting at.

"Oh, I met your Bella that you are so fond of," Tanya said as she pulled out the chair next to mine.

I stood up and grabbed her arm as I offered an apologetic smile to those who were seated near us. Thank God my parents were not present to hear her little commentary.

"What did you do?" I seethed as I pulled her into the corner.

She pulled her arm away from me. "Nothing. She just asked if I was your date tonight. I am your date, right?"

Why do I let so many women infuriate me?

I knew this was a mistake.

She must have noticed my frustration. "Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do anything that would aggravate the situation."

She seemed truly remorseful.

"Well just remember that starting next week, you will be working with her. So please just do me a favor and leave her alone. If she says anything about me, act oblivious," I said as I watched Bella walk over to where my brother and Rose were dancing.

I took a brief look at my watch and noticed the time. It was almost midnight. She was going to leave and I hadn't even attempted to talk to her.

Maybe that is for the best for now?

Coward.

She had her back to me as I approached her families table. I overheard her saying her goodbyes to her family.

It's now or never.

I placed my hand on the small of her back to get her attention. Probably an overtly personal gesture, but I needed to stop her. I felt her freeze at the contact.

"Hi, Charlie," I said, standing behind Bella.

"Edward, how have you been?" Charlie asked as he reached forward with his hand to shake mine.

I finished shaking his hand and answered, "Great actually. I wanted to ask Bella to dance before the night ended."

Charlie got a little smile on his face. "Oh well, you have good timing, she was just about to head out."

Good timing indeed.

We walked towards the dance floor, and waited for the song to change. She already had the claws out. "So, I guess cornering me with my father is one way to force the issue of dancing, right?"

I decided to try and ignore her spitefulness and I just laughed at her statement. Ever the insightful one, she knew my game.

"Well, I doubt that you would turn me down in front of your father, if that's what you mean. He adores me," I whispered into her ear. The smell of her was almost too intoxicating. I lingered there for a few moments longer than I should have.

"Yeah, I know," she said as she stayed close to me.

"So I met Tanya, she seems very nice," she continued. I stepped back to gauge her comprehension of the situation.

"Yes, nice, Tanya is nice," I said, probably sounding a little off guard by my answer.

"So is she your…..?" she said, the words floating out there waiting for a response.

"Date, she is my date. Tanya is my date," I said as I watched Tanya standing in the corner, with her glare aimed at Bella.

"Okay, no need to get defensive, I just was trying to talk to you," she said sarcastically as she tried to pull away from me.

Not going to happen.

"So where is, um, your fiancée?" I asked, attempting to keep her here with me now, not push her away by challenging her by any means.

"Jake," she said. Once she said his name it felt like a knife cutting through my heart.

"Jake is taking care of his father, he lives in Washington, right outside of Seattle. Billy, his dad, just had a heart attack, so.."

"Oh is everything alright?" I asked.

"Yes, he's doing a lot better," she said

I observed Alice talking to the band and heard one of my favorites songs. One that would entirely describe how I felt about Bella. I pulled her in close, not wanting anything to ruin this moment.

_A drop in the ocean_

_A change in the weather_

_I was praying that you and me might end up together_

_It's like wishing for rain, as I stand in the desert_

_But I'm holding you closer than most_

'_Cause you are my heaven_

**I started to sing the verse into her ear, while I started to rub up and down on the lower part of her back. The contact of which, almost felt too surreal.  
**

_It's just a drop in the ocean,_

_A change in the weather_

_I was praying that you and me might end up together_

_It's like wishing for rain, as I stand in the desert_

_But I'm holding you closer than most_

_'__Cause you are my heaven_

**During the song, I felt a couple of wet tears roll onto my chest.**

**God, Bella. Feel it to. Please. I felt her rest her head on my chest as I continued singing to her:**

_A change in the weather_

_I was praying that you and me might end up together_

_It's like wishing for rain, as I stand in the desert_

_But I'm holding you closer than most_

'_Cause you are my heaven_

_You are my heaven………._

When the song was coming to an end, I placed my lips on her cheek and slid them all the way across to her cheek.

This was right.

But I can't push her to far.

"I wish you would give me a chance, Bella…" I said and kissed her cheek before I walked out the door, as I wanted to leave her at an ideal moment.

I hoped so.

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**Remember to review. I love this story sooo much and it has hardly any reviews!**


	16. Chapter 17Real ChapterEPOV!

**Thanks to everyone for their patience!!! I have decided to do three or so chapters of EPOV- he just doesn't know when to shut the hell up!! But I love to listen to him anyway(mostly stare at).**

**Props to my Beta, Twilightmommyof4girls!!! Go to my profile and look for her under my favorites!!!**

**My Protectors has made to the final round of voting!!! Thanks to everyone, and if you wouldn't mind, please go vote one last time. ( I am really getting excited abt. the story- i have all these wacky scenarios in my head)!!!!**

**I still own nothing, Stephanie M. has been blessed by a muse...Blah, blah, blah!!! ( I am soo jealous)**

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I was meeting my parents for brunch this morning before I went to oversee all the renovations at my new place on the upper east side. It was almost eleven and my parents were due to meet me here almost fifteen minutes ago. I looked at my watch and was just about ready to call them when I heard my name being called.

"Edward," Alice's voice called out.

I stood to greet her and gave her a quick peck on her left cheek. "What are you doing here, I thought I was…"

She waved me off. "Oh, I told Mom and Dad to sit this one out. You and I need to have a little talk," she said as she sat herself down at the table and called the waiter over.

"Okay, to what do I owe the pleasure?" I asked.

"Yes, I'll have a mimosa," she told the waiter.

Our waiter nodded and left promptly. I just waited for her to start in on me.

"Cut the bullshit, Edward," she said to me. She set her face and started to challenge me with her eyes. She didn't blink.

I laughed. "What?"

She went into her purse and retrieved an envelope. "Here, I thought you might like these," she said sarcastically and crossed her arms.

I grabbed the package and started to look at the material in front of me.

Pictures.

All the pictures had Bella and me, in some way, shape or form.

"Thanks, Ali, but you didn't need to make a special trip all the way over here for this…"

"Edward, what exactly are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"When I talked to you last night, I got the impression that you were going to lay back a little bit, give her some time." She reached over to the pictures and showed the ones that were closer up of Bella and I dancing. She started pointing, repeatedly. "This here, looks like a full court press."

"Alice, I .."

"Don't you dare Alice me, Edward Anthony Cullen. And to top it all off, you invite freaking Aphrodite with you, just to try to make Bella, what, jealous?"

I held up my hands to stop her ranting. "Whoa, the date thing was not my idea. Talk to your fiancée and your other brother if you are pissed about that one. They told me that I would look like I was trying way too hard if I just showed up conveniently dateless like Bella was."

"Idiots," she mumbled.

"And if it makes you feel any better, I never even danced with my date, thank you. I was too busy.."

"Watching Bella," she finished off saying with a little smirk.

I shook my head no and smiled as I reached across the table and snatched the picture of Bella and me. "No, what I was going to say was that I was a little busy reacquainting myself with everyone, you know, talking."

"Okay, just keep telling yourself that, because I know better," she challenged.

The waiter came back and delivered my sisters drink and took both of our orders. Alice was busing herself with her phone while I concentrated all my attention on the photograph laying on the table in front of me.

"Alice, what do I do? I really thought that I'd be able to come back and just try to be friendly, to be friends with Bella. But after being around her again, I…I .."

"Can't," she said. "How could you? You were in love with her before you left, while you were gone and …"

"I've never stopped."

She pointed her finger at me and said, "Bingo. I knew. I freaking knew that if you came back it would change everything."

"But, Alice, she's getting married," I said.

"And?" she said, raising both eyebrows at me like I had just said the most idiotic thing ever.

"And, how is that going to work? She's evidently moved on, and from the couple of one sided conversations that we had, she doesn't seem that fond of me."

"Well could you blame her, Edward?" she said as she scooted closer to face me. "You left her for eight years. You knew why you left, I knew. Shit, the whole family knew and I even think her own parents knew, but she didn't. Add to the fact that it took you this long to get your ass back to New York. Why wouldn't she of dated or possibly gotten engaged…''

I stopped her. "And speaking of which, why didn't any of you tell me that she was engaged?"

"What would you have done?" she said as our waiter brought us our meal.

"Nothing. I would have left her alone to live her life. I only came back because it was time and I was demented enough to think that maybe I still stood a chance. I mean a boyfriend is one thing, but a fiancée is something entirely different."

"That is exactly why no one told you. You had to come home, Edward. If nothing else, you needed to see that you and her are meant to be together," she said as she forked at her food.

"I already knew that, Alice. But if she is engaged, then she must love the guy."

"Love? Yes. In love? No. There has only been one person that Bella has and ever will love and that is you, Edward."

Could she?

Really?

We sat there the rest of the meal and ate in silence. Its bad enough that everyone knows that I was wrong, and how I had handled everything was crap, but I needed to really think about what Alice was telling me.

I paid the bill and we were just about to leave the table when Alice came over to my side and said, "Edward, please tell her. Call her tomorrow and meet her somewhere, and just freaking tell her. For you, and for her." She reached up and gave me a peck on my right cheek. "And whatever you do, do not hurt her," she said as she backed away and pointed at me like a mother chastising their child.

"I won't, Alice."

She smiled and walked ahead of me, but turned around and passed me the envelope that she had showed me before.

"And here, I thought you'd like to have your own copies."

I tucked them into my chest pocket and followed my sister out the door.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Today was Monday.

My first day back at work here in New York. My assistant had my office all set up and I had already went over a few things with Tanya this morning.

I was ready…..

I was ready for everything, but Bella.

I knew that I had an appointment with her today. I had advised Eleazar that I wanted to have a meeting with him and his head editor, Bella, and Tanya.

There were two reasons for this meeting.

First, to go over all the changes that were to be happening with the company when Eleazar retires, and secondly to let Bella subtly know that Tanya works for me. Nothing more, nothing less. I figured that if she saw that Tanya and I work together, it would be a better way of explaining the reception, then to come right out and say it.

And hopefully keeping me from making a fool of myself, no less.

It was almost eleven-thirty when Tanya walked into my office. "Are you coming?" she asked. I was looking over some files that had been sent over from the main office this morning.

"Tell Eleazar that I will be there in a few minutes."

"Okay," she said and closed my door.

I stood up, went into my private bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face. I looked into the mirror as I patted the excess water away. "You can do this," I said to myself. I took a deep breath and left the room, exiting into my office to grab a couple of papers that I needed to go over with Eleazar after the little meeting.

I was greeting his secretary when I heard Bella's voice. "Eleazar, may I ask who else we are waiting for?"

Her voice sent tingles up my spine.

I opened the door and entered the room, but I did not get the greeting I was hoping for.

I had dreamt that Bella would have smiled and come over to my side, kissed me passionately, only to be interrupted by the sounds of Tanya or Eleazar coughing to stop our public display of affection.

I had hoped that Bella would have smiled and at least greeted me.

What I received was Bella looking like someone just ran over her beloved dog, Star. Her eyes were huge and her mouth fell open. The shock was pretty evident.

Pretty soon after the shock disappeared from her face, the anger and disappointment took over.

She did not want to see me.

I kept my eyes focused on Eleazar then. I told him that I had a few things that I had to take care of.

The rest of the meeting went over satisfactorily. Bella was told of Eleazar's upcoming retirement and Tanya's temporary position.

The news did not seem to make her mood improve. Bella was gracious enough to congratulate Tanya. But I knew better. I could always tell when Bella was being fake.

The meeting ended and Bella said her goodbyes, saying that she would be out for the rest of the afternoon. Tanya left shortly after her, which left me with Eleazar.

"I hope that everything goes smoothly after I leave, Edward," he said as he moved around his desk to sit down. I went over and sat in the chair opposite of his desk.

"I'm sure it will."

"I don't know. I know that it was your decision to appoint Tanya, but I'm just concerned that maybe…" he started to say but then stopped himself.

"What?" I asked.

"After everything that happened in Los Angeles, I hope that she has learned from her mistakes, that's all," he finished.

"Eleazar, that is why I am here. To oversee everything. If Tanya steps even one foot out of line then.." I said and gave him a pointed look.

"I know. But when you asked if anyone was up to par, I should have recommended Bella. Over the past few months she has truly come into her own. The other editors and all the authors that she have dealt with has nothing but respect for her," he said.

Yeah, but if that would have happened then that would have complicated things a bit.

"I think the right decision was made at the time. I'm telling you, Eleazar, this is Tanya's final chance. Now if you excuse me I have some files that I need to finish reviewing."

"Of course, Edward."

I left his office and retreated to my own.

A few hours later, I went about the different floors trying to acquaint myself with all the different departments. Copy Editing, to Illustration, Marketing, Public Relations.

At the end of my rounds, I somehow found my way back to the Editing division.

Bella's floor.

There was only a couple of people around. They were in their cubicles, so entranced with their computer monitors that I doubted they even noticed my presence.

At the end of the hall was a closed door. When I walked a little closer I read the name:

Isabella Swan

Senior Editor

I reached up and let my hand trace the outline of her name. I grabbed the knob and noticed that her office was unlocked. I opened the door and let myself in. After walking over to her desk, I picked up many of the miscellaneous frames that were displayed at different positions. There was one of her and her parents and her dog in front of a Christmas tree, that looked to have been taken recently. A picture of her, Alice and Rose close up. The final one, the one that was closest to her seat, was one from the night of prom, all those years ago. Clearly presented before me was the evidence of how greatly I screwed everything up.

I put the picture down and went around the room looking at the books that were collected on the shelves and the various awards and multiple publications that were framed and hanging on her wall. I lingered over her diploma from NYU, a Masters in English.

I should have been there that day.

I should have been there many days that were important to Bella.

Because Bella was important to me. Shit, Bella was everything to me.

There was some sounds coming closer to the door and I went over in the corner, near the window and waited.

What are you hiding for? You own the damn building.

Rational thoughts never came to surface when it came to Bella.

The door opened and I watched as Bella fell to the floor and started to cry.

What in the hell?

I couldn't help myself. I had to know. "Bella, Bella, what is wrong?" I said as I walked over to where she was situated.

"Edward, what.. What are you doing here?" she asked while trying to wipe her face.

I held out my hand to help her up off the ground. She accepted and propped herself up.

"I wanted to see if we could talk. I heard you tell Eleazar that you would be back at three, so I thought I could wait for you in here. I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you..... Now what has you so upset?" I said.

Knowing my luck, she was probably pissed as hell that I was in her office while she was gone.

"It's silly," she said as she walked over to her desk. She went over to her computer and started messing with it.

"Bella, I know if something has you upset enough to cry it has to be something," I said as I sat down in the chair facing her.

I thought that she was ignoring me until she finally said something, "Edward, not that it is any of your business, but I got into a fight with your sister."

Alice, she got into a fight with Alice?

Oh, crap. I hope that my bigmouth sister didn't say anything about me and what I was doing back in New York…..

"What did you two get into a fight about?" I asked, after I built up enough courage to ask.

"What the hell Edward? What does it matter to you? You want to know? You really want to know? I wanted to get married in June. But because of your sister, being selfish and always having to have her way, she won, not that I am surprised. She always wins. Alice always gets what Alice wants. Why should this be any different?" she started to yell at me as tears came, flowing down her cheeks. She walked over to the window and looked out over the city.

"Bella, I'm sorry that you and Alice got into a fight about this, is there anything that I can do?" I asked and came up to stand by her. I handed her some tissues from off of her desk.

"Yeah, tell me how in the hell I am supposed to do all of this in less than three months. Three freaking months," she said as I put my arm around her shoulder, wanting somehow to comfort her.

"My fiancée is living on the other side of the country, I am fighting with my best friend and I just feel so lost," she said.

Did she say three months? Three freaking months was all the time I had to keep my ex-best friend and love of my life from marrying someone else?

"Bella, why do you have to get married in three months? Couldn't you wait, wait til next year in June if you really want to? Why are you rushing into this?" I asked and turned to look at her, to really gauge her answer.

She answered back with her eyes. They seemed different, strange even.

"Because Edward, Jake and I have been together for almost five years, and it is time that I grew up and started living my life. I have to move on with my life, move on from everything," she answered.

Wrong answer.

I knew I had to fight, fight harder then I had ever had to fight for anything. Even harder than the fight for my life.

She was my life.

And I would fight till the end.

But I needed to know one thing, just one thing that would let me know if I even had the smallest bit of a chance.

"Bella, do you love Jake? Is he the guy that you want to spend the rest of your life with?" I asked.

"I said yes to him, Edward," she said, but seemed forced to reveal her intentions.

She didn't say yes.

She didn't tell me that she loved him.

"That's not what I asked," I said and left her office.

Maybe, just maybe.

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**Please remember to review and go vote!!!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi everyone. I know long time no write, but my life has been extremely hectic.**

**With fall, school has started back up again and I have a butt load of classes and with the family, will take top priority, but, I am off on Fridays and plan on doing most of my writing then. As soon as i get into the swing of things again I will start updating more frequently!**

**So please have patience!!! And many thanks to my beta, Twilightmommyof4girls, who completed this in a hurry!! Love ya girl!!!**

**I still own nothing!!!**

**(EPOV)-Now remember we are still going back and seeing things from Eddie's view for a just a couple more chapters!**

I had stayed up most of the night thinking over the conversation that I had with Bella yesterday. It was almost ten this morning and I wanted to go talk to a male about what I should do concerning Bella.

I could talk to my dad, but I don't think he understands the whole jist of everything.

I wanted to talk to Emmett, but he was smack dab in the middle of his honeymoon right now.

So the only other option that I had was Jasper.

Jasper and I had talked a little on the subject of Bella. He knew how I felt, but he had always kept his opinions to himself when it came to giving me real advice I could actually use.

I think he was afraid of the repercussions of what would happen if Alice ever heard anything that he had said, and was worried he might have said the wrong thing.

I pulled out my phone and scrolled through the phone book looking for his name. I clicked on it and listened as the other end started to ring. He picked up after the second time.

"Hello," he said.

"Hey. Jasper. It's me. I was wondering what you were doing for lunch today?"

"Umm, I don't think anything why?" he asked suspiciously.

"Hey, can't a guy take his almost brother-in-law out for lunch, to get to know each other…"

"Edward, I have known you for almost fifteen years, I think we know each other just fine. Now what do you really want?"

I was caught.

"Me, noth…"

"Edward," he sternly said.

"Okay, I need to talk to someone who is technically not related to me about the situation with Bella."

I heard the phone being wrestled with and at first I thought that he had possibly dropped the phone.

I was horribly mistaken.

"Hello, Edward," an evil, female voice sounded out over the open line.

Shit.

Alice.

"Hello, Alice. I do believe that I called Jasper, not you. Could you please put him back on the line please?" I said in a sickly sweet voice, trying not to ruffle any feathers, but not void of obvious sarcasm she would usually expect from me.

"I will in just a second," she replied.

I awaited the certain tongue lashing that she was in need of dispensing on me this morning.

I did not need this.

Alice proceeded to go into her tirade concerning my treatment and handling of the Bella situation.

Blah, blah, blah. I know already.

"I know, I know," I answered trying to shut her up. I ran my fingers though my hair since I was completely frustrated by what she was accusing me of.

"You're still in love with her. Now if you don't explain everything to her and soon you are going to lose her forever," Alice said.

"Yes, I know that. Why do you think I am here…." I started to say before I was cut off in mid sentence.

"You are here to set everything straight. Tell her the truth. Tell her that you love her and ask her to give you a chance. You, Edward, have to tell her why you left."

"No, I can't tell her that yet, she," I said as I swiveled my chair back around so I was now facing the door.

Good thing to, since it seemed the main subject of our conversation was just standing right outside the door and could probably overhear everything that had been said.

Did I say anything loud enough that she would know?

"I've got to go, I'll call you back," I said quickly into the phone and hung up.

I stood up and made my way over to where she was standing in the doorway.

"Sorry, I would of knocked, but you were…" Bella said, looking down.

Yeah, I know. I was talking to my meddlesome sister.

"No Bella, it's fine please come in," I said as I tried to escort her into the room towards the couch.

"Would you care for something to drink?" I asked, trying to think of any way to elongate the time that she was here, with me.

"I am sorry to interrupt you, but I just wanted to leave these reports for Tanya. I was going to leave them with her assistant, but she wasn't at her desk," she said.

"No, that's fine. Tanya had to go sign on her new place and I believe her assistant is probably out running errands for her now. If you want you can leave it with me and I will make sure that she gets it," I explained with a smile.

I noticed how her eyes zeroed in on my lips and lingered there for a few moments.

This act alone pleased me so, so much. She had no idea how bad I wanted to place my lips on hers right now at this moment.

For some reason our proximity to each other seemed a lot closer than before. She moved towards me and I followed.

This was it. What I wanted. Her, Bella.

She moved away abruptly.

Damn.

"Thank you, well I will just be going. Goodbye, Edward," she said as she stood up from the couch.

She could not leave, not know. I needed to tell her. As much as I hated to admit that Alice was right, I would begrudgingly accept the truth.

Bella needed to know.

I reached up and grabbed her wrist. "Please stay, Bella, we haven't really talked since I got back," I said, trying to pull her back down towards the couch.

She slung my hand away and started to head towards the door. "Edward, we talked the other night at the wedding, we talked in Eleazar's office just yesterday. We even spoke last night in my office. See we talked," she said.

"No, Bella, we haven't. I need to talk to you and explain everything. You need to hear it from me," I said before she stopped me.

Why do the women in my life keep cutting me off before I had a chance to explain?

"What does it matter Edward? You left. You left me here and you never looked back until now. So explain to me what I need to hear from you that I already had not figured out almost eight years ago. You know what, it is probably, no most definitely very important to my ego, that you don't answer that. Okay," she replied in an angry voice.

What do I do now?

I keep screwing everything up before I get the chance to fix my old ones. No wonder why she can't stand to talk to me.

I stood up and grabbed her shoulders as I turned her around in the process to face her. She needed to see me. Not the young, naïve, immature, selfish prick that I was, but the new Edward, that wanted nothing more than to make her happy, see her smile.

Her Edward.

"Bella, please. I don't want to hurt you. I never meant to ever hurt you. I didn't want to leave you. Shit. I never would have left you if I," I said and had to look away.

It was now or never. The moment of truth. She has been waiting eight years and here I was turning cowardly with the thoughts of what she would do when she knew.

"What, Edward?" she asked in a whisper.

_Tell her._

_Look at her, she was so angry. She'll hate me._

"Will it change anything if I tell you? Could you forgive me? Would you let me get close to you again if I told you?" I said. The anger that I had with myself over the handling of the situation over the years coming through in my words.

"Edward, I don't understand. I have moved on. You have moved on. We are not the same people we once were. You know for years I wondered if I had never told you that I loved you if you would of stayed. I wondered if we would of remained friends. I felt like one stupid freaking admission drove away my best friend. And you know what?" she threw up her hands. "It doesn't matter because supposedly me being in love with you was so revolting to you, that you had to run from me."

What had I done?

I left to protect her, to save her from seeing me wither away to nothing. What if I had died? What would that have done to her? I could not have her mourning me even before I was dead. I loved her too much. But I was wrong. I see the error of my ways now.

She deserved the choice.

And there laid the defining fact. I did not give her the choice, and now I would probably lose her forever.

But I had to try.

I place both of my hands on her face and cupped her cheeks. My thumbs reached up and wiped the tears, as many as I could locate without taking my eyes off of hers. When I was finished, I pulled her as close as humanly possible and planted my lips on her forehead.

Please feel how sorry I am.

"Please, my Bella, please don't cry," I whispered.

Please understand that this is not the time to tell you everything. I need you to understand, not hate me.

"Nothing about you being in love with me ever revolted me. You have no idea how wonderful that sounded coming from these lips," I said and brushed my thumb over her lips to reiterate what I was saying.

She stared at me for a moment, her eyes blinking a couple of times, I guess processing what I had just admitted.

That I love her. In my own screwed up, demented, ass backwards way of doing everything wrong, that I loved her and always had.

"NO, no, no!" she exclaimed. She started to shake her head back and forth and pulled out of my grasp.

I thought everything was getting better.

"Bella, wait, what?" I asked and grabbed onto her arm.

"You can't do this now, not now, Edward. I am happy. I am going to get married in less than three months to a man that loves me. He loves me, damn it. He has no problem telling me and he has never run away from me. This isn't fair, Edward," she said with tears rolling down her already red face.

She said the words. She was going to marry him. I knew deep down, but still to hear her say the words.

It hurt.

She stood up and came close to me, challenging me with her stance. "What do you want from me, Edward?" she asked.

Was she serious?

What did I want?

Easy answer.

Her.

I took a step closer to where she was already standing, about two feet away.

"I want a few things," I said with a smile.

"Edward.." she replied in an bothered tone.

"Fine, just let me tell you the most important one. I don't want you to get married. Please don't get married, please not yet," I asked.

With the ending of my words, she sat down on the couch.

"Why would you ask that of me?" she whispered and brought her hands up to cover her face.

I got down on my knees in front of her and grabbed her hands in mine, so I could see her eyes, her beautiful face.

"I want you to still love me. I need you to love me, Bella," I confessed and started to kiss both of her hands.

Please say something, anything. Please.

"Edward I don't, I can't ," she said and covered her hand over her mouth.

"I do love you still, but I am afraid that isn't enough," she said as she attempted to leave me.

I backed away, afraid that I was pushing her too hard, too fast.

"Then what would be enough?" I asked and sat down on the couch waiting for her to say nothing, actually tell me that nothing would ever be enough.

"You would need to love me in return," she said.

God, Bella. I always have loved you. Always.

"I always have, Bella. I always have," I replied.

She stood there for a moment and then said, "Edward, I need to go."

She left my office and I sat there in amazement with everything that had just occurred.

We basically told each other that we still loved each other.

I sat back on the couch and ran my fingers through my already disheveled hair replaying everything that was said between the two of us.

Holy crap.

"Mr. Cullen," my secretary's voice filled the room, interrupting me from my daydream.

"Oh, I'm sorry, what did you just say?"

"The car is here to take you to your appointment. It's waiting downstairs," she said.

"Thank you. Can you let them know that I will be right down?" I instructed.

"Sure thing."

It took me about five minutes or so to pull myself together and finally make my way to the lobby. Once I was inside the car, I started going through the files for my meeting with the company's lawyers concerning the acquisition of a couple of our competitors in the publishing market. One particularly was Wolfe Publishing. I was helping to draw up the plans to submit to our more influential investors about a couple of potential additions to the Cullen family of companies.

No matter what I attempted to distract my mind with, every thought came back to Bella. I needed to talk to someone, to help me figure out what my next step should be. As much as I hated to admit it, I needed Alice.

I called her office and spoke to her assistant, Mrs. Cope. I asked her to put me through with my sister right away, that it was urgent. It really wasn't, but this kind of break through with Bella was just the thing that she thrived upon.

After a minute or so Alice finally picked up the line. "Hello, brother. I just want you to know that I was in an intriguing conversation with my best friend when you called. Now what is so damned important?"

Okay, not the response I was looking for.

"Bella just left my office a while ago and…"

"Yes, I know. I heard. And if you had not called and interrupted things than I would have found out some more information."

"What did she say?" I asked.

"Like I would tell you. This is my best friend you are talking about and she came to me for advice," she said.

"Can you tell me anything? Please, Alice, I'm begging here."

"I can tell you one thing."

"What?"

"Brother dear, I told you your stupid plan would backfire in your face, what did you really expect?" Alice said in an authoritative voice.

Not this again. Just listen to this crap and then maybe she would help me.

"Alice, I know that now," I said, aggravated.

"Well I have to say this for you," Alice said sarcastically. "You have her completely beside herself, having no idea what to do."

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

"But I told you not to hurt Bella and that is exactly what you are doing," Alice said, the anger very apparent in her voice.

I had no idea what to do. I came back to make things right, not screw them up even more.

"I never want to hurt her, Alice. I just don't know what to do," I responded.

I waited for her to say something. Some response to my confession.

Waiting….

"Alice, Alice are you th…." I started to say and then was cut off abruptly.

"I have to go. I'll talk to you la.." Alice said and then was interrupted by another voice..

"No reason to quit on my account, you two continue your little conversation," the voice said. "I'll be really leaving this time."

A familiar voice, one that I knew…..

"Bella, wait," Alice's voice called out.

Crap. Bella heard. Bella heard it all.

"Bella. Oh shit," I said over dead air.

"Goodbye, Alice," Bella said in an cold and harsh tone. "Goodbye, Edward."

The line went dead and I had full understanding of why.

Bella heard our conversation.

And right know she not only hate me, but most probably Alice too.

The rest of the day continued on with meetings and as much as I hated to, I left Bella alone. I wanted nothing more than to run to her and beg for her forgiveness, but I knew better. I knew that she was most likely contemplating all the possible scenarios.

This was not a good thing.

The next day I stayed close to my office, canceling all my meetings in the morning. I found no need to be gallivanting around the building and possibly run into Bella and have her go off on me in front of everyone that works for me.

In the early afternoon, I agreed to a impromptu meeting with Tanya to discuss some reports. I didn't understand why we could not hold the meeting in her office of mine, until she explained that hers was getting repainted and I needed to see the light of day apparently.

Somehow, I had the feeling that was not all entirely true.

The meeting started as usual until Tanya grabbed the file I was looking at away from me. "Edward, what is wrong with you?"

Where do I begin?

I looked up at her and started to shake my head. "Bella."

"Ah, Edward," she replied.

I continued on explaining everything that had occurred over the past couple of days. When I was finished she moved her chair closer to mine and got close, really close.

"….so that's everything," I finished off.

"Okay, I hate to be this way, and I know you probably do not want my opinion," she said.

"What?" I asked.

"Truth, you want me to be honest?"

"Yes, please. I have no idea what I should do. I am so confused."

"Let her go. Edward, as much as I hate to say this. She is getting married, she chose the other guy, not you. If she loved you, really loved you, than she could forgive you no matter what."

Maybe what she was telling me was true.

I didn't even notice but Tanya had proceeded to stand behind me and started to rub my shoulders telling me how tense I was and how I needed to relax and forget about Bella, and to literally move on.

I closed my eyes and thought over everything that she had told me. Next thing I knew, my chair was being turned around and I felt someone come close to my face.

God, how I wish this was Bella.

Lips came into contact with mine and for a brief moment I forgot where I was and who I was with.

I kissed back, not caring anymore. I just wanted.

I just wanted Bella.

"Sorry to interrupt the two of you," Bella said.

I pushed back realizing who I was currently in a lip lock with.

Tanya.

I looked at Bella and I saw the pain on her face. It looked like she was just smacked across the face. She was fuming.

She was mad, she was in pain. And I was the reason why.

"Bella this.." I said, trying to explain.

How do I explain this?

"I really don't care, Mr. Cullen," Bella said, seething.

I looked over to Tanya, trying to figure out what in the hell just happened and what she was trying to accomplish with that little display. Of course, she avoided me. Her full attention was on Bella.

"Bella, I thought I moved back the meeting by fifteen minutes. Edward and I had a few things that needed to be discussed," Tanya said with a small smile on her lips.

"Oh, I'm sorry I'll leave the two of you to your discussions," Bella said before leaving the room.

I could not have that….again.

"Bella wait please, I need to explain," I called out as I followed her down the hall.

I noticed as she came closer to the elevators that she slowed down and I thought that she was going to let me talk to her, explain, something.

I was wrong. She was on her cell phone.

"Is this Angela Weber? Lead Executive Recruiter for Wolfe Publishing?" Bella said, shrugging like she had no idea what she was doing.

She wouldn't.

"Yeah, I just wanted to tell you to send me the lifeboat, I'm jumping ship," she said with a small smile.

She would.

"Thanks Angela, I'll talk to you tomorrow," she said and finished with her call. After a couple of moments of staring at me, shed headed to the elevators and pushed the down button.

She can't leave. Not like this.

"Bella, what are you doing?" I called out.

The elevator arrived and she quickly stepped into the open doors.

"Not a damn thing Edward. I quit," she said with a fake smile before the doors closed and she left me.

Standing there alone, after I screwed up things more than ever.

After a couple of moments of digesting all the activities of the afternoon I headed back to my office and grabbed my cell phone and furiously started dialing the only person that could possibly help.

Jasper.

The phone rang twice before he answered. "Hello."

"Jasper, it's me. I need your help."

I went on to tell him everything that happened today with Tanya and Bella.

"Oh, man. Do you know how to screw things up or what?" he said with a slight chuckle.

"Yeah, I already know that. What do I do?"

"Let me go see her. You do nothing. Let me go feel her out and see how pissed she is. But whatever you do, stay away from her. Don't talk to her, don't see her, nothing. Let everything calm down. You, Cullens,

have a very bad habit of trying to rush things."

"Thanks, Jasper. When do you think you will go talk to her?"

"No time like the present."

As I was hanging up from my conversation with Jasper there was a slight knock at the door.

"Yes?," I said.

"Edward," Tanya said as she opened the door. "Can I come in?"

I puckered in my lips and shrugged. "Yeah," I said in a harsh tone. She was the last person I wanted to see right now.

"Edward, I wanted to say that I am sorry for everything that just happened."

"Tanya, what did just happen?"

She walked up to the chair in front of my desk and stood behind it, like she was hiding herself to me.

"I don't know, I just…"

"Don't give me that bullshit, Tanya. You knew exactly what you were doing. I can't believe it. You set me up. You planned on Bella coming there and…."

"Edward, I never… We were just talking and then well you know…"

"Yeah, I know. What ever gave you the thought that it was okay to kiss me like that. I am your boss, Damnit. This is exactly the thing that got you in trouble in the first place."

"I am so sorry," Tanya said as she started to break down into tears.

I should have listened to everyone when they told me that she would be up to no good.

"Tanya, I am not saying that what you did….I can forgive you for right now, but I swear, this is your final, absolute warning. Do you understand?" I said as I distracted myself with some papers on my desk, rather than pay attention to her at that moment.

"Yes. And I swear, Edward, nothing like this will ever happen again."

"Fine, now if you will excuse me, Tanya. I have some phone calls I need to return."

"Certainly," she said as she hesitantly left my office, closing the door behind her.

About an hour later I decided to call it a day and head towards home.

As the car was waiting for me to take me to my residence. I got in and greeted my driver.

"Hello, Mr. Cullen, home I take it?" he asked.

"No, actually I need you to drop me off some where else," I told him and gave him the directions.

I knew I should have stayed away, but I couldn't.

After about a ten minute car drive the car pulled to the corner and the driver opened the door to let me out.

"Am I to wait here or would you like to call?" he asked.

"I'll make it home fine, thank you."

"Have a good evening, sir."

Right outside her building was a florist shop. I went in and bought four dozen roses and quickly wrote her a brief note trying to convey how sorry I was for everything. As I was paying for the flowers I also bought a Yankee hat that the kind lady was selling.

If anything, I could use it as a disguise.

I went into her building and showed the man at the front desk the flowers and told him they were for Bella Swan.

He obliged and told me her apartment number and directed me to the elevators down the hall.

After I got off the elevator, I walked towards her door and paced back and forth for a few minutes trying to reconcile if I was doing the right thing. Jasper told me to stay away, but everything on the inside was yelling for me to go see her.

I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. I heard muffled voices from inside.

This was it.

Nothing, she didn't answer, she didn't acknowledge the door nothing.

I knocked again.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," she called out from behind the door.

As she opened the door she said, "Ugh."

She took a moment to survey me and what I was wearing.

She was not pleased to say the least.

"What are you doing here?" she said in an angered tone.

I looked into the room and watched as Jasper shook his head at me, laughing at the sight of me in a baseball cap, three piece suit delivering flowers.

"I came to explain," I explained and motioned for her to take the flowers..

"Go away," she hissed.

I waited for her to say something else. Instead she stood there guarding the door, trying to challenge me.

I would have laughed at just how cute she looked pissed, if it would not make things a few million times worse.

"Well if the two of you will excuse me," Jasper said as he made his way past the two of us.

He locked eyes with me as he passed and rolled his eyes and mouthed, "You never learn."

I never learn, I know I am a glutton for punishment.

Jasper started to laugh some more as he headed towards the elevator.

"Traitor," I heard Bella whisper.

"What did you say?" I asked, hoping that she was meaning Jasper.

"Nothing. Now leave," she shouted at me.

"No. I'm not leaving until you talk to me. I need to explain."

She started to close the door and put my foot in the way to stop her. "I said I'm not leaving," I said again and let myself into the apartment.

She walked over to grab her purse and put on her shoes.

Now what?

She walked to the already open door and proceeded to exit. "Fine, you stay, but lock the door before you leave."

And there I was standing there alone, again.

Bella had left.


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry so long since I last updated. Well I would like credit first my beta, Sara(twilightmommyof4girls) for her help with my many mess ups that I made while I was half asleep at three this morning trying to finish it up and secondly the Hershey's chocolate company for that wonderful bag of kisses with almonds that helped with the inspiration, and the baby kicking in my stomach, to get this done in less than five hours.**

I closed her door and made sure that it was locked before I hightailed it down to the lobby to find out where she had gone.

I stepped outside the building doors to realize that it was pouring down rain. I pulled up my coat to cover my head and started to make a left when something inside me told me to go the other way. I had no idea where she had gone, but who knows?

About a block away was a little bar that had music blaring every time someone entered the building.

If nothing else, I could just go in there until the rain stops.

I slipped in and went off to the side of the bar. It was crowded and the band was so loud that I could not hear when the waitress asked me if I wanted something to drink.

I found a seat at one end of the bar, away from all the commotion. I watched others around me getting thoroughly intoxicated while I just ordered a tonic water for myself. The lights started to get brighter when the band decided to go on break. That was when I noticed her.

Bella.

She was sitting at the other end of the bar, taking to some strange looking guy with a blonde ponytail that shook every time he laughed at something that she said.

He was hitting on her.

I watched as Bella ordered two more beers while she was sitting there talking to him. Every moment that passed made it seem that she was getting closer, and closer.

And well you get the point.

Do I get up and stop her from doing something that she might regret? I mean I have seen and met tons of guys just like this one who would take advantage of an intoxicated girl in an instant. Add to the fact that she was gorgeous and pissed probably didn't help with Bella's decision making abilities at this very moment…..

I saw him move in really close, too close. I wanted nothing more than to get up and let him know that he had no right to be even thinking about getting that close to her.

I started shaking my head that was filled with anger. To tell you the truth, I was trying to calm myself down and not go over there and….

Oh shit, she just saw me.

But did she seemed pissed? Happy? Annoyed?

Does Bella ever react the way I expected her to?

Now this time, Bella got close to him. Too damn close.

I couldn't contain the monster inside of me that was fighting hard to be released. It took everything to keep him contained, so I wouldn't make another, more substantial mistake.

Just when I thought I could deal with the way Bella was acting, she moved in, like she was going to kiss him.

Like hell.

I bolted out of my seat and headed over to where she and her new friend were seated.

"He's," she started to say.

"He's what, Bella?" I asked from right behind her. I must have startled her, because she stood there looking at me like a deer caught in headlights for a few seconds.

Bella tried to stand quickly, which seemed to prove a little troublesome for her.

Once she gained a stance she started in on me, "What are you doing here, Edward?"

Okay, she was officially pissed.

"I came in for a quick drink," I answered.

She turned her attention from me to her new friend, or whatever you'd like to call him.

"What?" she said as she slapped at him.

"Him," the other male responded and threw me a self satisfying grin.

"What about me?" I seethed. I wanted nothing more than to reach over and…

That would not help the situation right now in the least.

"You, came in right after she did, over three hours ago. And I am willing to bet you have been watching her the whole time," the guy explained.

Had I really been here, watching her that entire time?

God, I just garnered a new title: stalker.

Bella looked at me with a certain amount of disgust in her eyes and turned to order yet another beer.

"I," Bella said, jabbing me in the chest, "can't, believe. You," she finished off saying as she pushed off from my chest with both hands.

She headed towards the door and called out, "Thanks, James."

James. Now I at least knew the prick's name.

James started to laugh at me. "You'd better go after her. If it was me…."

"I know, I know."

And I did know. I rushed out the door, hoping, no actually praying that she was headed towards her apartment.

I caught sight of her bright yellow rain coat, just a few yards ahead of me. She was trying to get past some other groups of people that were walking along the same path as she.

"Bella, stop!" I said, hoping that I said it loud enough for her to hear me.

She didn't even turn her head, instead she sped up her pace a little, and in an instant, Bella was falling down towards the sidewalk below.

"Shit," I heard her scream out.

Bella, Bella, Bella. When would she ever learn that her obstinate ways were going to get her someday? And today was one of those days..

I rushed to her side as quickly as I could. "Bella," I yelled out.

She ignored my presence of course. Once I was down at her level, I pulled her head forward to make sure she was alright. "Bella, are you okay?"

"Does it look like I am freaking okay to you?"

"No, but."

She tried to push her self up on her own. "Ow," Bella cried out.

"Here let me help you," I told her and picked her up to carry her the rest of the way home.

I was almost to her apartment building when she asked, "Edward, can you take me home?"

She must have been drunk.

"Yes, Bella, we're almost there, just rest."

Once I was inside and on her floor, I made the mistake of waking her. "Bella, do you have the keys?"

"Keys?" she asked a little incoherently.

I could not help but laugh. "Yes, Love. Keys so we can get into your apartment."

"Oh, she said before rummaging through her purse and salvaging them for me."

I made my way into her apartment, with her still in my arms, when I flicked on the lights so I could see where I was going.

"Ugh, bright lights, bright lights."

I put her down on the sofa and turned off the light. "You sound like Gizmo from the Gremlin's. Bright lights, bright lights."

"Shut up"

"Love, I'm sorry."

She looked up at me with a serious look. "Sorry about what?"

I came around from the back of the couch and sat sown, placing her head on my lap. "Everything. Bella, I am so sorry for everything. I should of told you years ago. And today with Tanya, that was…."

What? What do I tell her? A stupid mistake that I made awhile back when I made the decision to keep her on. Or me somehow retaliating at everything she had just told me. Me somehow in my own twisted, backwards way trying to hurt you, Bella, since I knew what she was telling me was the truth.

"Was what, Edward?"

"That was her, coming on to me, she told me that you would never leave Jacob, never really forgive me, never really love me." I felt a tear start to fall down on my cheek. "It, she means nothing."

Great, now I was freaking crying.

What she did next was nothing that I never in a million years would have expected. She pulled me into her and kissed me. I knew that at this moment it was wrong.

She had been drinking.

She was mad.

She was engaged.

I didn't care. She initiated it and that was all that mattered.

I pressed forward. Not wanting for her to come to her senses anytime soon.

And she did not pull away. For what seemed like after minutes upon minutes she finally pulled away, both of us breathless.

How could I have ever let this woman go?

She closed her eyes and I hoped that it was not from regret. I realized once a small smile started to form on her lips that she regretted it about as much as I had.

"Wow," I said.

"Yeah, wow," she responded.

Bella grabbed my hand and started to caress it along the length of her face. After a couple of times I realized that she wanted me to continue. After a few more times she grabbed my palm and kissed it.

I looked down at this angel here with me and told her, "I love you, Bella."

"Edward, take me to bed," she said.

You didn't need to tell me twice. So I lifted her off my lap and took her towards her bedroom.

"Bella, are you sure? You have been drinking and…."

"Shhh… I want this, have wanted this for so long. Please, Edward, make love to me."

I laid Bella down on her bed and started to shower her with kisses. Everywhere that was exposed and then started to undress her slowly as she did me…..

For the rest of the night and into wee hours of the morning, Bella and I made love.

I have had sex before with other woman, but nothing could even come close to how turned on she made me. It was so intense, so satisfying. I guess what they said about making love to the person that you were in love with was true. It was unlike anything in the world.

It was perfect.

And it made me consider the truth, that I should have never left her. She would be marrying me, or rather we would have already been married by now.

Instead, I was left with the fact that she was committed to someone else.

Well I was damned if I was going to give her up again. Not without a fight. And to be honest, I had never lost anything that I had ever wanted and I was not about to start now.

* * *

It was about four in the morning, when Bella finally fell asleep. She lay here, naked in my arms. For some odd reason everything that happened tonight and over the past several years started to play over and over in my mind. I decided after watching her for about an hour, to get dressed and head home before going into work.

I didn't want to leave without any notice. I didn't want to wake her. So I wrote her a quick note and left it on the pillow next to her.

I went home and took a quick shower before I went to a breakfast meeting with the Board of Directors to go over the details pertaining to the new acquisitions that were coming into the companies fold and one undisclosed company that I vehemently wanted.

Wolfe Publishing.

Alice was in attendance and when I disclosed my reasons for wanting to go after our main competition, she fought me tooth and nail. She tried to reason with me that maybe Bella needed to be away from us for a while, figured out where she really belonged. Regardless, I made sure that our people started putting feelers out there to get a reaction and to get copies of their financial statements to better serve my argument.

After a few more meetings that I had scheduled, I looked at my watch on my way back to the office and noticed that it was past two in the afternoon. Still no phone call from Bella.

Nothing.

I was feeling anxious that maybe she woke up and felt totally disgusted with herself over what had happened last night.

Maybe she thought that I took advantage of her?

What if she hated me even more?

I tried calling her cell phone and all I got was her voicemail. I decided against leaving a message and instructed the driver to head over to her apartment. I had no idea if she was home, or what kind of reaction I would receive when I got there….

But I had to see her.

I made my way up to her apartment and knocked on the door a couple of times.

She answered the door after a few seconds.

"Hi," I greeted.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered and turn to look into the room behind her.

"Well…you never called so I just thought…." I started to say before being interrupted.

"Bella, who are you talking to?" another man's voice called out from the other room.

The bedroom. Where I was just a few hours prior.

I could not believe it. Once I leave she just brings another man…..

Stop, I was sure she had an reasonable explanation for all of this.

"It's someone from work," she answered him.

The other guy came to the door, half dressing as he walked closer and put his arm around Bella.

My Bella.

You could probably smell all the testosterone in the air, both of us alpha males wanting the same thing.

Bella decided to break the ice and was the first to speak, "Edward, this is my fiancé…"

So this was Jacob. My main competition for everything pertaining to Bella.

Jacob's arm reached out past Bella to finish the proper introduction. "Jacob. I'm Bella's fiancé."

He seemed so proud. But could I blame him? If I had the same title, I would be blaring it from the rooftops.

"Edward," I answered back.

After a couple more moments of standing there in complete awkwardness Jacob finally chimed in, "Well, I'll leave you two alone to discuss work," Jacob said as he leaned in to give Bella a kiss to her temple.

He was just claiming his territory.

"Edward, it was nice to meet you."

"Same here," I answered.

That was a complete and utter lie. You were never supposed to exist in that capacity.

He left the two of us standing here. I had no idea what to say to her, so as soon as I felt it was safe to have any contact from her whatsoever, I pulled her into the hall as she closed the door behind her.

"So that's him?" .

"Yes," she answered, barely above a whisper.

"Well isn't that fan-freaking-tastic." I made the remark.

We stood there, neither of us saying anything until I broke the silence again. "So what was…… everything?"

Please do not regret it.

"I don't know."

How could she not.

"You. Don't. Know," I seethed.

She tried to touch me, but I wanted no part of her.

"Edward," she called out.

"Don't. You don't know, remember? Oh, or don't you remember last night either?" I asked.

"Shh," she said, demonstrating that she needed me to be quiet so her fiancé would not hear us.

I could care less right now.

"What? You don't want your fiancé to know? Just like you don't know?"

"What do you want?" she fired back.

I deserved more than this, more than what she was giving me. That was for damn sure.

"More than this. More than this. Goodbye, Bella," I said before I walked away from her.

As soon as I got on the elevator, I thought I was going to lose it. I was so pissed. that I punched the wall, causing an immediate bruise to form on my knuckles.

Way to screw up everything.

And screw it up I did.

**Happy early St. Nick's an please show the love to get the next chapter!!!!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hello again everyone. Sorry that it has taken so long to write this chapter, but as I told you all before, Cullen Brothers was the priority. **

**But I already have the next chapter half of the way completed and will be in Bella's view from here on out (any more Eddie POV's will be done as outtakes, unless completely necessary to the plotline.**

**Please check out my other stories: The Cullen Brothers and My Protectors, and I have something else in the works, but would like to have a few chapters in reserve so I could post a couple times of week.**

**Thank you, Sara (Twilightmommyof4girls), please check under my favorite authors and please read some of her stories. She is a wonderful writer, and beta!!!**

**This chapter will get us caught up to date from Edward's perspective and then it will all be brand spankin' new from here!!!**

**(EPOV)  
**

I thought that it would probably be for the best if I kept my distance from Bella.

It took everything in me not to run right to her and try to talk some sense into her, but I knew deep down that I could not force her to do anything that she was unwilling or unprepared to do herself.

Keeping myself busy was a daunting task to say the least. This had to be the one week where I had hardly any meetings, or other business to keep my mind occupied on anything, other than her.

I did stay away, at least the best way I knew how, by pretending to be busy. I made trips to visit my soon to be brother- in-law and go do wedding stuff that was deemed by Alice, groom appropriate.

_I know, call me desperate._

I knew, no matter what, that before she left I had to tell her everything. Why I left in the first place, my intentions for her, everything.

Today was Friday, and I had put off seeing her. I decided that I was going to go by her place tomorrow, before she was set to leave, and try everything to keep her here.

It was late in the afternoon when I finished my last meeting with Tanya. We got on the elevator, and that was where fate intervened on my behalf. Waiting a few floors below to get on the same elevator as Tanya and I, was Bella.

She timidly stepped in the elevator, probably not knowing what to think about the situation.

I wish that there had been a reason for Tanya to still be up at the office, or anywhere else for the matter, and not here right now.

_This was a little uncomfortable_.

I looked back and forth between the two women who both tried to ignore each other. That was until Tanya cleared her throat to get Bella's attention.

"So, Bella," she said.

_What good was this going to do?_

Bella just nodded rather than vocally acknowledge her.

_Who could blame her_? _Most days I wish I didn't have to speak to her._

"So, today is your last day?" Tanya asked.

_Was this news to her or something?_

"Yep," Bella answered and looked away.

"It must be exciting, starting a new job and all," Tanya said before she looked over at me, which led to Bella also looking at me.

_I hated being in this position right now._

I needed to talk to Bella by myself, not with Tanya here, and Tanya's looks were becoming almost downright hateful.

"Don't you think it's exciting, Edward?" Tanya asked sarcastically.

_When did Tanya get so annoying?_

_Has she always been this way?_

The look on Bella's face made me think that answer was yes.

My disgust with her was growing and I think I may have even growled at her.

"Well this is my stop," Tanya said. "I need to see Harry in Human Resources quickly, before I head home for the day."

Tanya lingered at the door waiting for some type of response. As soon as she finally stepped off the elevator, Bella started hitting the button to make her disappear even faster. Apparently, I was not the only one that was completely annoyed by Tanya.

When the doors closed, I figured it was now or never to talk to Bella. I stepped over in front of Bella and made sure to push the stop button on the elevator, so I could have some uninterrupted time with her. I pressed my other hand up behind her, not giving her any chance to pull away from me.

"Edward," she said.

At first I thought that she was upset by my bold move, but the look on her face proved otherwise. She wanted to be just as close to me as I to her.

I thought I should test the waters and break the barrier by pushing forward. I took a step closer and made sure that I was right in front of her.

Once I was sure she was okay with me invading her personal space, I went even further.

"Bella," I said, so close to her that I could smell her sweet breath..

I inhaled everything that was Bella, remembering that night. The one night of true bliss in my life. I wanted to continue further when we were interrupted.

A voice spoke on the intercom, "Is everyone alright? I will call someone to get the elevator going…."

I stepped away from her.

"It's fine. This is Edward Cullen. I stopped the car on purpose," I said.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Cullen," the man apologized.

"It's fine. I'll push the button when I am ready to continue," I said and looked at Bella for some reassurance that she wanted to spend this little time with me.

"Thank you, sir," I said.

I placed my undivided attention onto Bella. "Now where was I?"

"Edward," she said and I leaned forward and placed my lips onto hers.

I was scared that maybe she didn't want this, like I did, but she responded better than I could have ever dreamed. Our kiss intensified once her tongue connected with mine.

_Was this okay?_

_Was I pushing her to far?_

At the end she pulled back and seemed reluctant. She pushed away from me and added space that I did not like. Maybe she regretted this, me, once again?

_Please don't._

"Edward, we have to stop," she said, out of breath.

I leaned my forehead up against hers, not wanting to break total and complete contact from her.

I, of course, groaned, not wanting this to end. "Baby, please don't leave."

_Don't leave me._

"I have to."

_You don't have to._

I had to take a step back and measure her up to see if this was the time to bare my soul to her.

_Why do you have to leave?_

"Why?" I asked.

She backed up, even further away from me, and leaned up against the wall.

"You want the truth?"

"Please."

_Did I really want to hear this?_

"Because, Edward, I need to figure out my feelings. I am supposed to be getting married in almost two months."

I hated that she was planning to marry someone else and I had no power to stop her. Now trust me, I was going to try everything to prove to her that she was in love with me, but just to hear the words was like a shot in the heart.

"But I also need to tell you that I love you," she finished off saying.

_I cannot tell you how elated and overjoyed I was to hear those words._

"Bella, baby, I love you too."

I wanted to be close to her, but she stopped me.

"I know, but I am also still engaged to a man that loves me very much, and I need some time to figure things out before I make the decision to go ahead with the wedding, or to walk away."

_Just don't walk away from me._

I was afraid that once she left, I would lose whatever chance I ever had with her..

"You don't have to leave though. I could…." I started to tell her.

"I know that too, but for me to be honest with myself, I need to be away from both of you. I do need to know one thing though, before I leave."

_Did that mean I stood a chance if she was going to be away from him also?_

"Anything," I said and placed both of my arms around her.

"If, and I mean if, I were to call off the wedding, what do you want for us?" she asked me.

_Did this mean?_

"What exactly do you mean, like us being together?" I asked her, maybe with to much exuberance.

"Yes, you ass."

_How could she not know?_

I started laughing. "I want you, Bella, every part of you. I want to be with you, and no silly dating crap either. I want you to be mine," I said and pressed my lips on hers. "Just mine…forever."

"Edward, how can you really say that? We hardly know each other anymore. You left me, Edward. For eight freaking years, you…."

I had to stop her thinking of me in that way.

"Shhh, Bella. I'm so sorry. I need you to understand why I did. Please, I need you to listen to me, before you decide, before you leave, will you please listen?"

_If she would just hear me out, it might change everything._

"Yes, but I really have to get going. I am expected to show up sometime for my going away party you know."

"Please rethink leaving. I know you think you can't be near me, but.."

She stopped me mid sentence.

"Edward, this is a great promotion for me. A great opportunity for me to be on my own without any Cullen help. I need this. Please, just let me go."

_I would never willingly let her go. Never._

"Isabella Swan, I will never let you go unless you promise to really think about coming back. I need you."

"Edward, I told you before," she said and moved around me to push the button for the elevator to continue. "I love you. I am in love with you, I always have been and I most probably always will."

I pressed my lips to hers once more. This may be the last chance I have for a while.

The doors started to open as we parted ways and I continued to hold onto her hand for as long as possible.

"Bella, I am in love with you, too, always have been and most defiantly always will. You have my heart, always."

She left me there on the elevator as she exited towards the lobby. Before she left me altogether, she blew me a kiss, which I grabbed and placed on my lips. I mouthed to her that I loved her and watched her for as long as possible.

Here it was, Monday morning, and I had hoped that she would have called or something.

_Anything._

The next couple of days played out almost the same way, but I tried, unsuccessfully I might add, to talk to her. I left messages for her on her cell, home and work phones and never received a call back. I was getting quite panicky that she was going to leave without knowing the truth.

It was now Thursday morning and my sister-in-law, Rose, just hand delivered a note that Bella wrote. Rose had to add her own little critique of the situation, letting me know that the whole situation was my fault and could have been avoided.

_Blah, blah, blah, I could have avoided this if I would told her years ago. I know already. I screwed up._

After she left my office, I turned around in my chair to face the park that was down below. It had snowed the night before and it left the whole city looking like a Christmas card and reminded me of just how beautiful Bella was when she had her picture taken for the wedding.

I opened the letter and started to read:

_Dear Edward,_

_I know that I told you that I would give you a chance to explain, and I still will, but with everything this week, being so hectic and all, I never got the chance to talk to you. I know that you tried many times to get a hold of me, and I am sorry for this. _

_Honestly Edward, I need to step back and think about things, really think about what I am doing with my life. Over the past two weeks, my seemingly ideal life has been flipped up side down by you coming back into my life and validating my long lost feelings that I always had and still have for you. _

_I am just asking for a little time, time to think, time to decide. This will probably be the biggest decision that I make in my whole entire life, and I need to make it on my own. No matter what, I promise that you will hear from me soon._

_Love Always,_

_Bella_

I know that the letter was supposed to somehow relieve me, but it did the opposite. It sent me into a frantic state that once she was gone, she would be gone from me forever.

I know I was being hypocritical. I left her and now she was going to do the same.

I got up out from behind my desk and was trying to think of some huge, enormous gesture of love that could convey everything, and somehow, just like at the end of the stupid girl flicks, she would run into my arms and we would kiss and live happily ever after.

_This ain't a fairy tail, dumb ass._

If she wouldn't see me and let me tell her the truth, then who would she choose to be with?

And like that, I figured out who the messenger would be. One that Bella would never say no to.

My mother.

When I called her and explained everything, she was so happy that I was finally going to take responsibility and go after the one thing that would forever make me happy.

My life, my Bella.

She told me that she was going to head over to her apartment and hope to see her before she left. If need be, I knew Esme would fly across the country to talk to her. She and my father felt almost as bad for keeping it all from her over the years. They had told Bella's parents, considering they were so close, but felt horrible for keeping their honorary daughter in the dark.

But they did it for me.

I paced back and forth across the plush carpet in my office waiting to hear from my mother.

_This was agonizing._

At about six, there was a knock at my office door. I flung it open and was relieved to see my mother standing there with a huge smile on her face, like all the world was finally lifted off of her shoulders.

"She knows?" I asked, pulling my mother into a hug.

"She knows, and better yet, she forgives you."

_But would that be enough?_

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**-Remember to Review and let me know what you think, since it has been soooo long!!!**_  
_


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry that it has been so long! Things (life gets in the way- if you read Cullen Brothers you know what has all been going on) This is back to BPOV! Hey I am sill needing some pre-readers you get to know what is going on before anyone else- except my Beta!**

It had been over a month since I had left New York.

A month filled with a seven day work weeks and working twelve plus hour days. I was exhausted physically and mentally. By the time I would get back to the hotel each night, I would practically fall asleep in the clothes that I had went to work in.

I had called and spoke to Rose and Alice several times since I had been out here and they were even planning on coming out this weekend. Alice made arrangements for us to spend a day at the spa and then some shopping.

Even thought I hated to shop, I was looking forward to my first days off in over a month.

I had not spoke to Edward, although we were corresponding via snail mail and email. I have asked him not to push me and so far he has obliged. I was getting to know him all over again and somewhere in the pit of my stomach, it excited me and scared me at the same time.

I talked to Jacob every day, and we were still proceeding with the wedding, although I had been dragging my feet with all the preparations. I was blaming it on work overload, but I really just wanted to postpone the whole thing until I had a moment to breathe, and then think about what I, Bella Swan, really wanted.

Since he had been so busy himself with his dad and work, Jake would only be coming to see me for the first time tonight. I planned on discussing postponing the wedding for the time being and seeing what he thought about it. I had to admit that I missed him, more than I ever had thought possible, but I was so unsure of almost anything at this point. Plus I felt like I was coming down with something and all the vitamins that Angela was practically force feeding me with was not helping much either.

It was a little past eight in the evening when the last meeting for the day ended, sending me practically running to get a cab ride to get to the airport on time. I was barking orders at the cabbie when my phone started to ring.

"Hello," I screamed into the receiver.

"Bella?" Jacob sounded confused.

"Jake is that you? Where are you?"

"Where are you is more like it? I took an earlier flight out and I got here about an hour ago. I am at your hotel right now, waiting for you."

"How did you know that I wouldn't just go straight to the airport?"

"I called Angela just a minute ago and she was going to try to catch you, but I guess you were a little speedy getting out of there."

"Yeah, the meeting ran over by only two hours tonight. I'll be there in about five minutes. I'll see you then."

When I got to the hotel, Jake was standing outside waiting. He was sure a sight for sore eyes.

He grabbed me and pulled me into him. I closed my eyes and tried to enjoy it ,and I did, but something was off. Something was different. Me.

We decided to go to the restaurant that was connected to the hotel. For that I was thankful, I was exhausted.

We talked about his work and mine, kept things light. The more that we talked, I realized that something was off with him also.

"Jake, is something wrong?" I asked as soon as the waiter came and took his empty and my half eaten plates away.

"No. I just needed to see you. I think we need to talk, Bella."

Crap! Had Tanya went and shown him the tape of Edward and me?

The thought of him finding out that way had me sick, and I felt nauseated. I excused myself and ran to the bathroom just in time for all the contents of what I actually did eat to be expelled from my stomach.

I laid my head on the porcelain ring and cried.

What had I done?

My head was pounding, my stomach felt like it could go a few more rounds and I wanted, no I needed to go to sleep. I rinsed out my mouth and splashed some water on my face before I went back in to the dining room.

I looked green, with pasty white accents. I was hideous. And I was pretty sure I had the flu and now my fiancée wanted to talk.

_Great._

When Jacob saw me he came over to my side and grabbed me. "Sit right here and I will go pay the check."

I obeyed. I leaned my head off to the side, closed my eyes and felt myself doze off for those few seconds.

"Bella, lets get you upstairs."

When we were at my room, Jacob had me pull my key card out of my purse and opened the door for the two of us. He took me into my bed and laid me down, took off my shoes and covered me over.

"Was it something you ate?" Jake asked as I heard him moving about the room and the bathroom, looking for something. "Where do you keep your medicine?" He was in the bathroom going through the cabinet.

"Kitchen counter, I think." I closed my eyes and when I reopened them, Jake was next to me offering me a couple of Tylenol and some water.

"Do you feel better, now that you laid down?" Jake asked and put a pillow behind his head.

"Yes, very. Thank you."

"I can only stay the night, Bella. I have to take a flight out in the morning. But I do want to talk to you before I leave."

"Okay." I was half awake-half asleep. I let my eyes close and sleep take over.

When I woke in the middle of the night, Jake was not on my bed, not in the bathroom. I went searching for him. He was out in the front room with a beer sitting on the table next to him. He had some papers laying on his chest. Little pieces of paper that looked very odd in this light. As I got closer, I realized what they were.

My letters and such from Edward. Even the ones that he had mailed to me since I had been here in Phoenix.

I was screwed. I picked up the small one that accompanied the flowers that he sent me after the night that he and I made love. I studied it closely and realized that it had the date on it.

_Shit!_

I tried to collect the rest of the documents when a drunk Jake grabbed at my left wrist. "What are you doing, Bella?" he slurred.

"Jake why don't you come to bed? You're tired. Come on," I said and tried to pull at his arm to motivate him to leave his seat.

He pulled away from me. He was angry and had been drinking, which was not a good combination when it came to Jake. "What are these, Bella?" He had wadded the papers up in his fist.

"Jake, please? Just come to bed and we can talk about this later."

"NO!" I want to know now, Bella." His voice was more threatening than I have ever heard before. "What is going on between you and Edward?"

"I can't do this now with you, Jake. Just stop. Please." I turned around and went to my bedroom and locked the door. I was not scared of Jake, I just have never encountered him whenever he was this mad at me.

"Don't lie to me, Bella Swan," he roared. I heard glass breaking and things being rustled about. "Bella! How could you." The next thing I knew I heard the door slam. He was gone.

I wanted to go after him and explain everything, but I was in no shape and I had no idea how he was going to react. I slid down the door and cried myself to sleep. I pulled the waste can over next to me and vomited a few times more.

I called Angela first thing in the morning and explained that I was sick, and she was at my door a half an hour later with tissues, ginger ale, crackers and chicken noodle soup for me to eat later. I thanked her and she promised to call and check on me later, to make sure I didn't need anything.

I tried calling Jake's phone a few times and even tried to text him with no response. I guessed I would have to wait till later on in the day and let him cool down. While I was sitting at the computer, Edward emailed me asking about how my day was going. He was concerned that I was not feeling well and even offered to drop everything there in New York and fly all the way out here to take care of me.

God, how I wish I could take him up on his offer. Instead I told him that if I felt much worse, or if this lasted for any length in time, I might reconsider.

After spending the rest of the day in bed, I felt a little better and thought I was prepared for another day full of meetings. Bad idea. After a breakfast meeting, I spent the next hour in the restroom sick. Angela sent me back to the hotel and even made me an appointment to see the doctor, the next day, Saturday. The same day that Rose and Alice were coming in to spend a girls weekend. I tried coming up with every possible excuse I could think of, but she still insisted. I agreed and made the appointment for around ten.

That night was spent the same way, in bed.

Waking that Saturday, was not the way that I could have ever expected. At eight in the morning there was continuous pounding on the door. I groggily made my way to answer the door and when I opened it, I was pleasantly surprised to see not only, Rose and Alice, but Emmett, Jasper, my mom and my dad, Carlisle, Esme and the one person I really wanted to see, Edward.

"Surprise!" Rose and Alice, along with everyone else yelled.

I put my hand up to sooth my aching head. "Keep it down." everyone filed into my hotel room, practically filling it up completely.

Alice pushed her way into my room. "Not bad, but I need to pack you a few things for a couple of days stay. We have some suites reserved at the Biltmore. Now come on and lets get you ready."

"Alice, I am so happy that you are here, but I feel like shit. I think I have the flu or something. I really just want to go back to bed for a while. I can meet you there in a little while…"

"Oh, honey, what's wrong?" my mother said as she put her hand on my forehead to feel for a temperature. "You don't feel warm?"

"I've just been fighting this horrible headache and I think I have the flu. I can't keep anything down." I plopped down on my bed and my mother sat down right next to me, putting her arms around me as we watched Alice attack my closet and my dresser drawers. Rose was hard at work in my bathroom, pulling out my essentials and packing them into a suitcase they seemed to have already found.

"Well I think you feel so much better when we get to the Biltmore and start with a relaxing facial or back rub, don't you think so, Renee?" Alice put all of my acceptable clothing options into my bag as she spoke.

"I don't know, Alice. If she doesn't feel good…"

"Pish, posh." Alice waved us off and continued on. There was no way out of this, even if I was vomiting blood, she would probably still force me.

"Anyway, I have an doctor's appointment at ten, so I could just meet you there?"

Please?

Rose intervened on my behalf. "Alice, if she is contagious… Just let her meet us there." Rose winked at me.

Good old Rose.

"Fine. Fine" She held up her hands. "That will give me time to get there and have our day all planned out. But I expect you there by noon. I am sending a car for you and you better be there." She left the room to join the others who were all still in the living room area of the hotel room.

"Not that I am not happy to see everyone, but what are all of you doing here?" I directed my question to my mother.

"Well, Alice told me that she and Rose were coming out for the weekend. I love the warmer weather and that gave the guys a perfect excuse to spend some time golfing while all of us had some girl time together."

"So why did Edward come?" I tried to contain my excitement at seeing him and seem all blasé about the matter.

She started smiling exceedingly. "He was worried about you, when he had found out that you were sick. Plus I don't think anyone could really of kept him from coming." She stopped to take a look at me. "If it is going to be a problem, Bella…"

"No. It's fine, Mom. I just was surprised is all."

Plans were made and I was to meet everyone after my doctor's appointment. Rose said she would go with me to make sure that I would keep up my end of the deal.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" she asked as we were in the vacant waiting room, sifting through some out dated magazines.

"If you want to. I know how you feel about theses places." I felt bad for bringing her here now given Rose's history of constantly being a sickly child and was in and out of the hospital until she was a teen.

She grabbed my hand. "Anything for you. Anyway they are going to be running tests on you, not me." Both of us laughed at her rebuttal when they called my name.

Once inside the doctor's office I noticed the sterile smell of bleach and antiseptic and it made me nauseated.

"Are you going to be sick again?" Rose leant over and passed me an empty trash can.

"I don't know,' I answered as the doctor came in and introduced himself.

His name was Dr. Matthews and even he could give Carlisle a run for his money in the good looks department for men over the age of forty. Even Rose was flirting with him and I had to remind her, more than once, that she was a married woman.

He began his examination of me and then started asking me some questions about what medications I took, family history, last menstrual period. The usual stuff. He wanted to run an urinalysis and blood test to make sure I didn't have any type of kidney infection or possibly a higher white blood cell count that would account for an infection.

Soon I was peeing in a cup, and having my blood taken by his nurse and then Rose and I waited in the office for any results.

"I hate having blood taken." I said as I played with little cotton ball that was attached to my skin at the crook of my elbow.

"Quit being a baby." Rose said as the doctor reentered the room and both of us became silent.

"Well your blood test results will not be back until early on next week, but I don't think I am going to need them to tell me what is wrong with you, but I want to double check some things, just in case."

"Okay?" I was a little puzzled as to where this was going.

"Would you like to discuss the findings in private or…" His voice was taking on a more serious tone.

"No. Rose can stay." I looked at her and she smiled.

He opened a file folder with my information and addressed me, looking over the top of the file. "Ms. Swan, the reason that you have not been feeling so well is that you are pregnant."

What?

Rose scooted over into the chair next to me and put her arm around my shoulder. "Bella, are you…

"What? How could I be pregnant? I've been on the pill since I was fifteen." I looked at the doctor to explain it was not from being promiscuous. "I had problems getting regular when I was younger so my doctor put me on birth control pills to help and I have been on them ever since. How could this have happened?"

"Were you on any antibiotics recently?"

"Well I had a small sore on my foot that was not healing and the doctor prescribed some Amoxicillin to help clear it right up and it did, but I never knew that it could …"

"Sometimes antibiotics can cause certain medicines not to work, and unfortunately birth control pills are one of them."

"What am I going to do, Rose?"

"Doctor, do you know how far along she is, possibly?" Rose asked as she pulled me in tighter and tried to console me.

"I won't know anything for certain until I get the test results in and she has her first ultrasound, but I would have to say about six to eight weeks from her symptoms."

Oh shit! I had no idea who the father was. I had slept with two different men, within one day. Previous to the last time Jake and I had sex almost three months prior. . so I could not positively say it was Jake's. I was so screwed.

He prescribed me some prenatal vitamins to begin with and had to make an appointment in two weeks to have my first ultrasound.

I could not even form coherent words until I was in the car. I was so upset that Rose had to drive my rental.

"Rose, what am I going to do? I don't know who the father is."

"Bella, it will be okay. We will figure something out. Let's just go meet up with everyone and try to relax. I'll tell everyone you have some type of flu bug or something and then we will get you all settled in and then we will figure it out."

"But, Rose, Edward? Jake?"

"It will be fine, I promise, now please calm down, I don't really need you getting sick in the car.

Once at the Biltmore, I was bombarded with questions of how I felt, what did the doctor say and all. And one thing about me is that people can read me like a book and it was so hard for me to lie to everyone, that I let Rose do all the talking since she was a hell of a lot more convincing than I could ever attempt to be.

All the woman were at the spa enjoying their day of getting pampered and the men all had scheduled tee times so I was under the assumption that I would be spending that afternoon alone. I guessed wrong.

There was a knocking at the bedroom door. "Come in." There he was looking all beautiful as ever. Edward.

"Can I come in?" He stood there in the hallway waiting for me to answer. I wanted to say no, shit, I needed to tell him no, because if you come close to me all my barriers come crashing down and I am liable to tell you about everything, including my current condition.

"Sure, come in."

He came over to the bed where I had myself propped up with some pillows and sat. "How are you feeling? Any better?"

I won't be feeling better for awhile.

"A little." I decided to get off this subject. "Where is everyone?" I already knew, but I thought this was an purposeful, but unimportant, line of discussion.

"Simple. All the woman are at the spa and all the men at the links."

"Why are you not with them?"

"Because I nominated myself to stay behind and keep watch over the sick patient." He laid down on the pillow next to me, his eyes boring into mine.

"Edward. You don't have to. I'll be fine. Go have some fun with everyone else." I rolled over away from him and turned on the T.V. hoping it would act as a distraction.

He followed suit by scooting himself closer to my back and put his arm around me.

Was it so wrong that I was enjoying this?

I made the decision that I was going to enjoy myself and once I knew the results of my blood test, I would take it from there. I was done trying to make everyone else happy.

I told Edward that I needed to make a phone call and I went into the bathroom and called Jake. He sounded not nearly as angry as he was on Thursday night, which was a good thing. But I knew what I needed to do. For me, at least. I needed to postpone the wedding until I knew who I wanted to be with. Honestly, this, what I was doing was not being fair to Jacob and he needed to know that. Add to the fact that I might be carrying another man's baby.

I said that I was sorry for everything, but told him that I needed sometime to think about everything. He said that he understood, but that he loved me. I told him that I was not ready to get married. A lot was on my mind, and I thought it would be best if we took a break. He said that he would like to try another visit in a week or two and I agreed. We had a lot to talk about.

Tears were running down my face as the phone call ended. I walked out of the bathroom and Edward jumped up to be at my side. "What's wrong?"

I sniffled. "Jake."

"What's wrong with Jake?" he asked. I heard the deflation in his voice as he asked.

"Nothing. I just told him that I needed some time, and that I was not ready to get married." I could see the light in his eyes reappearing.

"Seriously? You're not getting married in a couple of months?" He asked as I started to shake my head no. He picked me up and swung me around the room. I thought it was going to make me sick again, but it didn't.

"Oh, Bella, I'm sorry. You're sick and I just…" I stopped him by kissing him full on the mouth. Since I was not contagious, well not really, I felt I was entitled.

"Does this mean…?" he asked.

Shit, I did not mean to lead him on, since I was still unsure of anything right now, but I knew I needed Edward, right now more than ever.

"Edward, I don't know what it means right now, but if you're okay with not knowing also…" I started to say before he leaned us both back with me falling to the bed and him falling on top of me. His lips were all over me. And I felt I had to make some small explanation.

"The doctor says that what I have is not contagious." His lips were all over my neck and the top of my chest as I spoke.

"I wouldn't care if you were." He took off his shirt as he now hovered above me. This man was godlike. His torso was that of a model with a fully defined V that made me keep desiring even more. I needed to stop this, but wanted so much more.

"Edward, I don't know if we should do this." I saw him push off of me onto the side.

"What do you want, Bella?" he said as he laid there next to me.

"I don't know what is going to happen, Edward. I don't want to lead you on…"

"What do you want, Bella?"

"You. I want you, Edward."


	21. Chapter 21

**Sorry for so long. Life sucks sometimes but consider this a late Thanksgiving present and I hope you all enjoy!  
**

**"Edward, I don't know if we should do this." I saw him push off of me onto the side.**

**"What do you want, Bella?" he said as he laid there next to me.**

**"I don't know what is going to happen, Edward. I don't want to lead you on…"**

**"What do you want, Bella?"**

**"You. I want you, Edward."**

Edward and I were interrupted before anything really got started. A freak thunderstorm rained out the men's golf game forcing all of them back to the hotel room to watch basketball. My mom, Alice, Esme and Rose came home almost an hour later after the spa's electricity went out.

Rose stayed by my side the rest of the weekend, making up excuses anytime I felt nauseated or had an overwhelming need for sleep. I did have to admit just being with all of them without any facades were a wonderful thing. Well except my being pregnant and not knowing who the father was.

But that could all wait until later.

That Sunday night all ten of us went out to dinner at some fancy restaurant that required the men in suits and all of us women in almost formal dresses. Alice of course, had me dressed up like a model. I wanted nothing more than to be at the hotel with some pizza and relaxing with a tee shirt and sweatpants on, but no.

The men were already at the restaurant awaiting our arrival. Rose, my mom and Esme were all wearing floor length dresses while Alice made sure that she and I showed as much skin as possible without offending both of our dads. All of us entered into the back room and observed all of the men sitting at the table chatting it up about something sporting related. Once they noticed we arrived, they stood and walked over to their partners. I just stood there not knowing if I should automatically go to Edward or wait. He made the decision for me and walked over with one long stem red rose handing it to me.

"You look beautiful, Bella." He stepped in close to my ear and lingered there shortly while the others were unobservant.

"Thanks. You look pretty good yourself." I patted his chest leaving my hand rest there for a few moments longer. He reached up and grabbed it pulling it and me closer to his chest.

Everyone else started to take his or her seats and we followed suit. I sat next to my parents and Edward did the same sitting directly across from me. It did not matter where either of us sat; all of our attention was on each other.

The evening continued with light conversation and plenty of alcohol. Everyone else was intoxicated and I was thankful that I could blame my water and soda only beverages on the flu.

By the end of the evening, I was the only one that was entirely coherent and had to be the dutiful adult making sure everyone got back to the hotel. The last person I escorted to their room was Edward.

"Would you like to come in?" he asked, slurring slightly.

"I don't think that is a good idea."

"I do. Come on, Bella." He pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me.

"Edward, you need sleep."

He leant down to my ear and started to nibble the lobe softly. "No, Bella. I need you." I felt as one of his hands lingered down and squeezed my ass.

_As I need you, Edward._

"You're drunk. Now get some sleep." I pushed off him. Even thought I wanted nothing more than to take him inside his hotel room and relive the best night of my life. I could not.

_Not like that._

"Fine. I'll make you a deal. Just come in and sleep by me. No touchy-feely stuff. I promise." He held up his hands and spread out his fingers.

I pointed a finger at him. "No touchy-feely."

"Unless you want to?" He pulled me into the room and assaulted his lips with mine.

Within five minutes we were completely naked and on his bed. He was kissing and touching and I had to admit that his usual aroma and mixture of alcohol was intoxicating in itself.

He made sure no part of me was left unattended, which made me more and more aroused. I was thankful that Edward had a room separate from his parents.

So very thankful.

For the next few hours, Edward and I made love, several times over. When I was with him, it was if nothing else in the world mattered and all I could do was be wrapped up in him. With him I felt safe, I felt happy, and at ease. I had made my decision all except not knowing who the father of the baby was. That right there was the killjoy; the only thing keeping me from being with Edward totally.

_Finally._

I had no idea what to do.

I left Edward at about seven the next morning. I made it back to my hotel room, that I shared with my parents before either of them had a chance to notice that I had been gone all night long.

Luckily, my first meeting was not until eleven, which allowed me to have breakfast with everyone before their flight back home.

Rose decided to stay for a while and 'explore' Phoenix. She was able to take some more time off from her advertising agency, which recently was bought out by Cullen Publishing.

Edward's flight was the last to leave. He was heading out to Seattle for some meetings and then off to Alberta, Canada for some lawsuit that had to have a Cullen for the proceedings. He wanted to stay. Shit, I wanted him to stay. I never wanted him to leave me again, but until I figured things out, it had to be that way.

Rose rode with me to my office, deciding to hang out there until I got off work and then we could talk everything out.

I walked into my office after wall-to-wall meetings and watched Rose fully enjoying her stay in Phoenix.

"So this is how the other half lives?" Rose joked as she sat on a sofa in my office, reading over a manuscript and sipping a latte.

"Ha, Ha. Just because your husband is your boss…"

She pointed at me and spoke, "Watch it, sister, Emmett will not, nor will he ever be-my boss."

"Says you. I think the letter head of your company now is listed under Cullen Holdings."

"Oh shut it, Bella." She placed the papers on the coffee table and pulled out her phone. "When can we blow this taco-stand? It is almost five."

"I'm ready when you are." I walked over to my desk and rearranged a few things as Rose grabbed her stuff.

"Where do you want to eat?" She stood at my desk, waiting for me to finish up.

"I don't know, Rose. My lunch is not exactly sitting well with me right now." I took a sip of some ginger ale I had been nursing all afternoon.

"Well fine, I will eat something really bland; you can sit there and eat your crackers for all I care. But I am starving, Bella." She pulled me up from my chair and locked her arm in mine as we headed out the door, closing it behind us.

We ended up going to a little mom and pop restaurant about a block from the hotel. Rose kept to her deal and ate soup and salad. I on the other hand had toast.

Rose was avoiding any conversation with me altogether, which I found very odd. After about half an hour I finally asked what was going on.

"Rose?"

"Hmm."

"What is wrong?"

"Wrong? Nothing…Why?" She kept her gaze off me as she spoke.

"Rose, I know something is up. Now speak."

Rose looked at me and grimaced. "I don't think you are pregnant with Edward's baby, Bella."

I shook my head trying to figure out what she knew that I did not.

"How do you know?" I tore at the end of a napkin, hoping that she was somehow wrong. But I knew the chances were fifty-fifty anyway.

"I talked to Emmett earlier."

I could not believe what I was hearing. She told Emmett.

"You what!" My voice was so loud that a few of the other customers looked over at Rose and my direction.

"Calm down, Bella. I did not tell him anything. I asked very vague questions."

"Oh yeah? Like oh, Edward may have gotten Bella pregnant questions?" I asked as I brought my tone back in line within the spectrum of normal, civil, conversational tone.

"No, Bella," she spoke in a condescending manner, clearly aggravated with my attack on her. "I asked about what happened when he had cancer. What all had to be done."

"What do you mean?" I could feel my eyebrows furrowing as I pieced the information together in my mind, but I still needed to hear the words said aloud.

Rose lowered her head and moved in closer as to no one being able to hear out conversation. "Edward is sterile, Bella."

I sat back in my seat, letting all the information sink in. I listened half-heartedly as she spoke of him having to 'bank' his sperm for use later on in life if he so chose.

The baby was not Edward's. It was Jacob's.

I closed my eyes and squeezed in my lips, trying to keep the tears and the sobbing from letting loose from their bounds.

And I had been hoping, planning, no better yet, plotting for a way for me to be together with Edward.

And now it was all gone.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Rose reached across the table and patted my hand, a futile attempt to sooth me.

A tear escaped from the corner of my eye and I rushed to wipe it with the sleeve of my left arm, hoping that it went unnoticed by Rose. "What do you think, Rose?" I faked a laugh at the end, wanting nothing other than to run away and hide.

Rose started talking; explaining pointless facts like Edward would want to be with me no matter what bullshit. I tried to listen-I really did-but I tuned her out and had an internal discussion with myself.

What was I going to do?

I broke off everything with Jacob to be with Edward. I was now carrying his baby and I knew that Jacob would stand by me, but neither of us would be happy.

_Not really._

Why did Edward have to come back into my life?

If I would have just stayed away from him, I would be getting married in a few weeks, over-joyed with the fact of being pregnant with my fiancé's baby.

Everything was wrong.

I knew Edward would stay by my side, but would he ever really love me or a baby that was not his?

I was planning. I was plotting.

I would wait.

Maybe God would take care of this on his own terms-realizing that this was not an ideal situation.

People had miscarriages all the time and if not, maybe, I would give the baby up for adoption?

I just needed time to figure out my life.

I knew what I had to do. I had to stay away from Edward-not until the situation was resolved one way or another.

I had to stay away from everyone. About seven months of staying away, hiding and swearing Rose to absolute secrecy until I could lie to her and tell her I lost the baby.

No one would ever know. Except me.

The next day, I explained to Rose, that I was having to leave town for some meetings in Houston at the end of the week; essentially, cutting her trip short.

I told Rose the ramifications of her spilling my secret to anyone. Moreover, I knew she would keep it and take it to her grave if need be. That was the one of the things I loved about Rose.

That and many other things.

By Wednesday, Rose was taking a charted flight back to New York. I was thankful for her time with me, but I needed to get my house in order-sort of speak-and I knew that I needed to think on my own.

The only way I could do this was to let one other person in on my secret.

Angela.

Wolf Publishing had offices all over the world and if anyone could see to it I was kept so busy that I would never have the time or the location to be visited by anyone it would be with Angela's help.

Therefore, keeping my secret a secret.

When I went into work the next day, I was already to bring Angela into the loop. All was going as planned until Dr. Matthews called and explained that he needed to see me in his office later on that day and have some blood work done and then come back tomorrow for an appointment. He explained that some of my blood work was off and he wanted to repeat the test to make sure everything was okay.

Maybe something was wrong?

I knew how wrong it was to be hoping for the worse. My stomach turned from the thought and my heart wanted to chastise me.

I went to his office about three and had my blood taken. Anxiously awaiting the next morning to get the results.

I waited in his office and glanced around at all his pictures of the families that were his patients. My eyes could not help but linger over the photos of the babies longer than the others.

He rushed in and shook my hand before sitting behind his desk and opening my file.

"Hello, Bella. How are you feeling?" his voice was full of concern.

"Horrible. But other than that, fine." I noticed the look on his face and I felt my stomach drop.

Something was wrong. I had no idea if it was good or bad-either way.

I waited for him to initiate the conversation, which seemed to take a long time for him to start up.

He cleared his throat before he began. "Bella, I was looking over your blood work and I noticed that your Hcg levels in your blood were extremely high for someone at your stage and I wanted to repeat them to see if everything was okay."

I knew that the levels were what told him that I was pregnant when I peed in the cup for him last week.

"It could be one of two things, either the baby is not growing any more and your body has not recognized that the fetus is diminished…"

I felt horrible at the news and had no idea where that felling came from.

That was what I wanted, wasn't it?

"Or you could possibly be pregnant with more than one fetus. Now do multiples run in your family?"

I did not know if I should be that worried or not.

There's no way. God would not be that cruel.

I let him continue and told him of my mother, who was a twin, but whose sister died when she was a teenager from an automobile accident.

Isabella-my namesake.

He made a note on a paper and asked to escort me to the examination table to have an ultrasound done by one of his associates.

I waited for another fifteen minutes in the sterile room until the doctor came in and introduced herself.

"Hi, Bella. My name is Doctor Howard. Dr. Matthews asked me to give you an ultrasound to see if we can get to the bottom of this little mystery." She walked over to the ultrasound machine, pulled out the wand and put a condom on the end of the probe. "Don't worry, everything will be fine. I am just going to perform a transvaginal ultrasound to see that is going on."

Her nonchalant talk of not worrying and condoms were raising my anxiety level to new highs.

"I thought you only did ultrasounds over my belly…not in it." I moved uncomfortably as I shifted on the table once she and the dick shaped probe came closer. I watched as she applied some lubricant to the outside of the device and proceeded to come closer.

"Bella, take a deep breath. I promise this will only be uncomfortable at first and then if you relax this will go a whole lot easier…for both of us."

I conceded defeat and allowed her to begin the test. She was right. Very uncomfortable at first, but then I almost forgot I had the probe inside me as I started staring at the screen.

"Okay, what we are looking at, Bella, is your uterus. Up here." She pointed to the screen. "Is your ovaries. Everything looks good. No cysts. No fluid or inflammation." The doctor moved the probe inside of me and pushed some buttons on the keyboard while I waited.

She zoomed in closer to the picture and brightened up the screen so we could see better. "Hmm. I think I know what the reasoning is for your blood work being off, Miss Swan."

I waited as her face lit up like a Christmas tree.

_No, no, no._

_It couldn't._

I closed my eyes waiting to hear.

"You're pregnant with triplets!"

_Shit!_


	22. Chapter 22

**I know, long time no post-sorry. Anyway this is the next jacked up installment to this crazy story that has twisted and turned with every single chapter. **

**Thanks to my Mel and Jacki for looking this over so I could post it tonight. I am aiming for weekly updates -as long as life does not get in the way.**

**Okay some of you think it is entirely unrealistic for her to be pregnant with triplets-it's not. I had two friends (aged 24 and 28) get pregnant without the use of any drugs or treatments. It does happen so quit hating on me!**

How in the hell was I going to do this?

That was the only thought that ran through my mind for the rest of the day.

Not one, not two, but three babies.

I was considered something of an anomaly, the doctor told me as she finished up with my ultrasound.

Naturally occurring triplets was something like 1 in 8,100.

The only triplet moms that she had ever dealt with were all IVF. She went on and explained that my pregnancy would be considered 'high risk'-meaning I would have to be under doctor supervision the entire time and I would most likely deliver before term.

I needed to make decisions and fast. There was no way I could handle all of this on my own.

First, I would have to tell Jacob I was pregnant. He had every right to know. He was going to be a father and deep down I knew that we could make it work-if I tried.

_Even if my heart was with someone else._

I wanted to damn my life, cursing Edward and his freaking stupid cancer. Why couldn't the babies of been his?

_Because my life was never going to be perfect._

My life was an irony of epic screw-ups.

Edward called everyday to check in on me. He planned on backtracking through Phoenix on his way back to New York when all was said and done in about three weeks. He said there was important stuff he wanted to talk to me about.

I wanted to cancel; tell him I was going to be out of town, but I knew that he would find me.

I had to sever all ties with Edward. The longer I let everything continue, the more it would hurt both him and me.

Rose called me at least 100 times over the next few days. My phone kept blowing up at all possible times of the day and night; always leaving me messages about not having to go through this alone.

I wished that was true.

The stress of everything consumed me. I broke down one afternoon at work, and explained everything to Angela. She was more than supportive, explaining that she would do everything in her power to help. I would be allowed to work from home whenever I needed to. She could handle all the meetings for right now.

When I finally did talk to Rose, she begged for me to tell my family, Alice-someone- what was all going on with me. Thank God I never told her what news I had found out earlier on in the week. If I had, I was sure that she would have staged an intervention on my behalf.

For the next couple of weeks everything was the same. I had my good days and my bad, which meant nausea and constant urination consumed my life. The third week was going to prove to be a bit difficult.

Edward was coming to see me.

At almost twelve weeks, being pregnant with triplets was proving to be a hard thing to disguise. Not that I was large or anything, yet, but I was starting to show.

Baggy shirts and dresses would be the appropriate attire for seeing Edward.

He came to my hotel and showered me with three dozen long stem roses.

_Keep it in check, Bella._

My emotions were already on a roller coaster and I had to think about a million other things rather than the problem at hand. The usual-customary-greeting with Edward was hard. I wanted nothing more than to jump into his arms and tell him I loved him.

I kept my distance from Edward and talked about his business trip. Whenever Edward would come up behind me to pull me into his arms or try to kiss my lips, I had to jerk out of his grasp. It was tiring to say the least.

Edward asked me what was wrong.

I said nothing was wrong.

I lied.

Edward took me out to dinner at some fancy restaurant in Glendale. I hated dressing up, but even now it would be considered torture. Luckily, I had a not-so-little black dress that I layered with a black cardigan that hid my growing bosom and swelling stomach from his-and everyone else's-view.

He was smiling with that crooked smile that made me just want to pounce across the table and take him there.

Why did he have to be so perfect? And better yet, why was I so horny?

Hormones were kicking in full blast and I did everything in my power to try and contain the beast inside. It was hard, so hard…

Stop it, Bella.

I internally berated myself.

He was doing everything right, but it felt as if I betrayed myself and my convictions with every smile I smiled, every laugh I laughed, every time I touched his hand.

It was too much. Everything about that night was too much.

After diner, we exited the restaurant with my hand in his.

It was the only heaven I had in the middle of hell. He looked at me with such adoration, such utter obliviousness of the problem at hand.

I envied him.

I had to do what was best for both of us, even if it meant breaking us both down. He deserved to be happy; he deserved to be loved whole-heartedly, even if I knew it would never be a fair expectation for me. He would move on and find someone else to love.

_Someone better, more deserving of him._

The night had cooled the air considerably, causing my arms to tickle with goose bumps. The recently cleaned streets reflected Edward's and my reflections from the murky puddles that lingered in the potholes, dancing in waves with the movement of our steps. I paused before entering my hotel's lobby; taking a glimpse of what could have been.

Be strong.

His hand massaged the small of my back, rubbing and tickling manipulations that teetered on absolute pleasure. Edward guided me into my room, following my lead to the sofa.

We commented on the weather. We talked about dinner. We discussed our families and friends. We both skirted the issue-the elephant in the room.

Us.

I knew what he wanted. I knew what I wanted.

But that was all in the past now.

"Edward," I said as he was mere inches away from my face; his hand cupped behind my neck for leverage.

"Yes, love."

"We need to talk."

"I know we do." His head moved in towards the curve of my neck, his lips making contact with my skin.

Too much. Even the feel of him on my skin was causing conflicting emotions, mixed with my hormones.

I pushed him back to get his attention off of my neck and onto my words.

"Edward, we need to talk about us…"

"I want you to move back to New York, Bella. I want you to move in with me."

His eyes pleaded. His mouth turned upwards at the corners and beckoned for an answer.

A lone tear escaped from my eye, surprising me with its presence. His left hand caught the droplet and encased it within-holding onto the memory of it.

"Edward…" The hesitation leapt forth with my voice, provoking the law school and debate captain in him to show his face.

"Bella, listen to me. I love you. You love me. There is nothing or no one standing in our way of being together."

He had no idea of all the obstructions to make his statement untrue.

It was now or never.

"Edward, I don't want to move back to New York."

With a look of chagrin, he eyed me over as he said, "Then I'll move here to Phoenix, or wherever you'll be." His hand rested in his hair, pulling and tugging at the roots. "I can make it work somehow-once you get set in a permanent place that will just be my satellite office or something."

I pulled away from his proximity and stood up. The connection was broken. I could breathe. I could think.

I turned away from him before I spoke, fearful if I looked into his eyes, I would loose my nerve. "Edward, this is not going to work."

"Baby, don't be ridiculous. It'll work, I just need to figure something at work, but it will work." He came up suddenly behind me. I was too fixated on his words to listen for his movements. An arm snaked around my stomach and I jumped from his grasp before he felt my mid-section and questioned.

"No…it won't. I can't do this, Edward. I don't want to be with you."

He stepped in front of me, blocking any and all attempts for me to make an unemotional break.

"Bella, quit it, you're starting to scare me." His once dazzling features drowned in the background of his words.

"I don't mean to hurt you…"

"Then don't."

"Edward." I took a deep breath and it took everything I could conjure inside me to push on. "I don't love you anymore. I thought about things and I just cannot forgive you for what you did…"

Lies, lies, lies.

"No…No…No…" Edward's head started shaking from its base; non-believing of my admitted lies.

"Why, Bella? Why are you doing this to me? To us?" He was down on his knees in front of me, crushed.

_Please forgive me._

My heart was breaking for the man before me. Gone was his confidence, his smile, his reverence.

Edward was stripped of his core self and I was the one that brought him down.

"I told you, Edward. I don't love you. I'm…." I had to choke the words out from their grave to spout the deceit from my mouth. "In love with Jacob still. I'm sorry, but I can't be with you."

"Bella." His voice darkened as did his eyes.

I closed my eyes, not willing to except the responsibility of my actions.

It was a bad dream unfolding in my reality. It was the nine circles of hell.

"I don't want to be your friend, your lover, your anything. I want you out of my life, Edward."

Those words were the last nail in the coffin for what could have been Edward and Bella. It was just a faint hallucination.

His fury was the only thing waiting in the wings to solidify my betrayal.

"You know what, Bella. I was a fool for thinking this was ever going to work. I loved you, shit!" He walked around in circles retrieving his suit jacket and keys that he left on the entry table as he raged. "I am an utter idiot for loving you still. This is what you want- for me to leave?"

_No._

"Yes."

He walked awfully close to my face, forcing me to confront my inner demons.

"Do you love me?"

_Yes._

"No."

Edward shook his head and then dissolved the distance between us. All at once, his lips crashed onto mine and his tongue broke through the barrier of my clutched lips, dancing and fluttering in my mouth. I wanted to melt into him, but I had to push him away, afraid the kiss would give away too much-reveal the part of me I had to hide from him.

When I pushed away from Edward, his face was fixed and jaw clenched.

I did it. I broke him.

"I'm sorry."

He snickered and said, "You bitch."

"Get out!" I shouted at him, pointing at the door as my emotions took hold.

Quite the actress.

"No problem, Bella. No problem." He opened the door and then slammed it shut behind him.

I walked over to the closed door and placed a hand on it. "I'm so sorry…I love you, Edward."

Tears and shaking riveted my body. I slid down the back of the door, abashed at my prior performance.

I pulled out my cell phone from my pocket and dialed the numbers. After a couple of rings the person answered.

"Hello."

"Hey…it's me. We need to talk."

**Let me know what you think-sorry two break-up in one week is hard to write! Be kind and review!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Sorry this has taken so long.**

Jacob arrived on the first flight that he could. He agreed that there were quite a few things for us to talk about. At least we agreed about something. It was a start.

I still could not believe what I had done to Edward. I had hurt him, but hopefully it would have been the final blow. If I would have told him, he would have stayed and I loved Edward enough to let him go—not to be tied down to a woman and three children that weren't even his. I could not do that to him. He deserved better than that. _Better than me_.

I really did not know what I expected when I had seen Jacob for the first time since everything had happened. A mixture of fear and anxiousness was running through me so rampant that I had already thrown up twice and that was only in the last half hour. I could have blamed it on the pregnancy, but I had known deep down this time was because of nerves. I had just finished cleaning myself up after the last round of nausea when there was a knock at the door.

Slowly, I made my way over to open it, taking in a final deep breath as I unlocked the deadbolt. "Thanks for coming, Jacob," I said as he only offered me a slight smile in response. I opened the door wide enough for him to come in, but noticed that he wasn't carrying any type of luggage with him or anything.

_Maybe he had already checked in at a hotel or something?_

Jacob walked around behind the couch, appearing to be as nervous about this meeting as I was. "Can I get you anything?" I offered in an attempt to ease the situation. Formalities never suited me, so I ended up sounding fake.

"No, I'm fine." Jacob picked up a couple pictures that I had stationed on an end table from Rose's and Emmett's wedding. The silence seemed to have only made things more unbearable. He snickered and then asked, "Do you think that everything happens for a reason, Bella?"

_Where did that come from?_

"Umm…I don't know…I guess so?" I hesitantly answered. Jacob placed the picture back in its place and rounded the back of the couch, while never allowing his eyes to reach mine, until he finally took up a seat on the end, grabbing onto a spare chocolate velvet throw pillow for support.

"Bella." His voice apologized and wavered as he took a deep intake of breath with a quick and noisy exhale. "I've meet someone…Ugh! What I mean to say is: I'm in love with someone else."

Wow. The conversation was going nowhere near as planned. Like nowhere even near the reservation planned. I was lost as to how to reply with his declaration. A couple tears that I could not comprehend escaped from my eyes. I was such a mess with all the confounding emotions to even understand what and how I truly felt. Not until that moment. Jacob did not want me—that was evidently clear—but just then I had known that there was no way that I could tie him to me permanently. He loved me and I him, but not in the lovey love way that I wanted or needed. Here he was telling me that he had a chance to be happy. And if anyone deserved it, it was Jacob. I would not spite him that. I had loved him enough to want him to be happy.

I choked back a cross between a laugh and a sob at the thought at what I had intended to do. "Everything does happen for a reason, Jacob. I'm happy for you." If I had begun first with what I had wanted to say, Jacob would have committed himself to me and ten years from now, he would have been still stuck. With me and our three kids—unhappy, but loyal still.

"Really?" He smiled. "I was worried you would hate me, considering we were still stuck in this limbo thing between us."

"I could never—in a million years—hate you, Jacob." I looked past him to the lone picture that sat on the table behind the sofa. The one of Edward and me. "I only wanted to talk to you so we could make sure that everything was good between us. Square up this unfinished business between us and all."

_Nice recovery, Bella._

I wanted to wave the white flag and just give up. But I couldn't. It would be me and the three little ones all by ourselves. We would be fine. I could do this. I had too, there was no other way. I wouldn't tie either of the two men down to me like that, even though one of them was the father. If there was a time for Jacob to know, it wasn't at that moment.

We continued with talk of work and our families for the next hour or so. "I thought this was going to be a lot more difficult than what it was," Jacob commented as he stood up. _ Me too, Jacob. Me too._

He made his way over to the door and I followed to lock it up behind him after he had left. "Well, I'll see you around, Bella." He leaned in and gave me a quick, departing peck on the cheek. "Call me if you ever need anything."

_Yeah, like if your children ever need anything._ I committed to my decision right there and then. Once the children were born, I would call and tell him. He deserved the right to know, but right now Jacob needed his own happiness, even if was only going to make it that much harder for me. Chalk it up to my penance for all my sins against him.

The next month was a living hell to say the least. At sixteen weeks, it had become difficult to see my swollen feet. I was tired all the time. Some days I found it impossible to make it into work and would stay in my ill-fitting pajamas and work from the hotel in between my many naps.

It was at seventeen weeks when I had my ultrasound that I knew I had to start to rely on someone else for help. Doctor Howard kept commenting on how much harder things would be from thereon out. All the talk of bed rest and hospital stays had me worried and completely scared. It seemed that I had an incompetent cervix and I would basically be on bed rest from week twenty until I delivered.

I had three weeks to get everything in order. But before I could even begin to get all the details in order I had an even more pressing matter. The acquisition of Wolf publishing by Cullen Holdings would go in effect and it seemed the Cullens (namely one) wanted to meet with Angela and myself about the daily happenings at our office. Of course, Angela knew of my pregnancy, but only that I was much farther along that what I had originally thought. She agreed to respect my privacy concerning the matter and promised not to reveal anything to anyone, not even the higher ups.

I placed a call to Rose in New York to find out exactly when we could expect a visit from our new boss, so I would conveniently be at the hotel playing sick and hiding until he left town. "I have no idea, Bella. Everything has been so crazy at the publishing house and at the magazine, that I don't think Emmett has even talked to him on the phone in over a week."

Lord knows I haven't talked to him since the last time he came to town to visit me, so I guess it was all going to be left up to chance.

We conversed for a little while longer with mainly questions about the pregnancy. I deflected a lot, not wanting to reveal— either through my words or by my tone— too much. Rose always had a way of getting more out of her witnesses than they wanted to disclose. It was why she was one of the top lawyers in New York City. I ended our little talk by promising to call her again soon, even though it was a lie.

For the next two weeks I made my plans, calling in my old roommate from college for help. Good thing she was richer than the Cullens and had the biggest heart for charity cases that I had ever met. When I called her late one night and told her everything, she offered her help and I eagerly accepted. Money to her was nothing, and although I hated taking anything from anyone, Kate owed me. Kate owed me big time for all the times I 'helped' her through college and I used that term very liberally. I ended up writing every paper from the time she was a freshman until she graduated with her Masters in family counseling. Girl could not write a complete sentence to save her ass. It saved her and her family a load of embarrassment at the thought of a college drop out in the Holburn family. I know for a fact that her Senator Daddy from Connecticut would have been very unhappy.

The last week that I was in Phoenix, Kate flew down to help me pack up all my things and have them shipped up to her place in the Hamptons. I explained to Angela that I would need a leave of absence for the time being, and was counting on the trust fund that my Grandma Dwyer had left me to pay for all the bills for the babies and me. From what I had been told, it was quite substantial (almost a half million dollars), but given that my medical insurance was still up in the air as to what they would cover and not cover, I regarded it as my only safety net. I still had two months until I could access it, unless of course, Renee decided otherwise, but that meant opening up a whole different mess that I did not want to contend with. If my father found out about my condition, he would hunt Jacob down like a dog and more than likely kill him. So although my plans to be with Kate were only short term, it was the only option for now. That or go home with my tail between my legs and become everyone's (my parents and the Cullens) pity case. No thank you.

It was the day before I was set to leave when Angela called me at the hotel, completely frantic. "They're coming…today, Bella. I need your help please." She had to be kidding. There was no way that I was going to that office with even the remotest chance that Edward would be there. If he saw me, like this…there was no telling what would happen exactly, but there was no way I was going to play roulette and find out.

"Angela, I can't…" I hated doing this to her, but it was for the best. Really.

"Please, Bella?" she begged. "What if I promised you that it was not Edward that was coming? I already check into it. Apparently he is too busy with some problems from your old job. From what I heard, manuscripts were being leaked."

"What?" He had a trader somewhere, but there would be no way to tell who it was exactly. Anyone from the mail room to the higher ups could have access if they wanted it.

"I know right. He does not trust anyone right now with anything and it seems that there are quite a few authors wanting to jump ship because of the breach."

"So who are they sending—Alice…Emmett?" Emmett I could handle. Alice, not so much.

"None of the Cullens are coming. Some newly promoted executive—some lackey of his, wanting to check in on us and make sure his investment is sound and probably ensure that protocols are in place to safeguard any possible breach from our office in the future, like in New York. Please, Bella. You know what they look for and what they don't and I promise I will have you in and out as quick as possible."

Even though none of them would be there, the last thing that I would need was some higher paid flunky reporting back to Edward that I was very, very pregnant.

I hesitated and then finally gave in. "Fine, Ang. I'll come in to help you get things ready, but I am leaving before anyone even shows up." Angela thanked me, repeatedly, until I hung up on her so I could make my way into the office. I explained to Kate everything that was going on and she offered to help.

"It will be fun. Plus I'll get to see where you work and what you do exactly." Fun my ass, it wasn't show and tell. I dreaded saying yes, and for some reason, from the moment that I did, I had known that I would regret it.

As we made our way into the building, I had this eerie feeling something was wrong; I chalked it up to evil hormones. Once the elevator opened it proved to be correct as I took in the person waiting for me, as they sat on a chair directly in front of the doors.

"Hello, Bella. My, my, don't we seem to be in the family way?"

"Tanya," I sneered.

"Who's that?" Kate asked as she peeked out into the lobby at the blonde from hell.

"The bitch from New York," I said loud enough for Tanya to overhear.

"Huh, she looks like a slut to me," Kate commented and garnered a dirty look from Tanya. "Just saying." Kate held up her hands in defense and made her way off the elevator to stand off to the side of me.

Within seconds, Angela rushed up the stairs from the downstairs printer. "There you are, I was beginning to thing you had second thoughts." She stopped short when she saw Tanya. "Who are you?"

Tanya stood and held out one perfectly manicured hand for Angela to shake. "I'm Tanya Denali from Cullen Holdings." Angela feigned a smile and then shot a worried grimace towards me. She didn't have to tell me she was sorry. I already had known.


	24. Chapter 24

**Hello everyone! I am so sorry that I have not written in a very long time. To make a long story short: I am pregnant and have a condition called Hyperemesis gravidarum. For those of you who do not know what that is, it is the same condition that Princess Kate has, although from all reports hers has became progressively better. Mine is more a slow go. I sleep almost 20 hours out of the day and so far since I have found out that I was pregnant have lost almost 30+ pounds. I am constantly nauseous, and have had to be in the hospital on a few occasions to get re-hydrated since I can hardly even keep water down. So I pray that this gets better (at almost 17 weeks now and still waiting) and hope that you give me some slack on this and on CB. Since today I have some energy I will try to do all that I can! **

I hurried, as fast as possible—for a woman carrying triplets could— to my office, once the formalities and awkward introductions were finished. I slammed the door, containing Kate tucked safely inside with me. "Bitch," I growled as I set down my purse on top of my desk. "Why did it have to be her—out of everyone that he could have sent, why her?"

Kate went into full counseling mode. "Well if you want my expert opinion…" She loved using that phrase whenever she could. "From everything that you had told me about your experiences with her and him, I'd say he wanted to hurt you in some fashion; in the same demeanor that you did him and get some reaction out of you. Either in the form of a retaliatory phone call, or something else, but it would more than likely open the lines of communication between the two of you again."

"Well that's not going to happen."

"I know that. You know that. But he doesn't, Bella." Kate took a deep breath before asking the million dollar question. "What I want to know is: how long will it take before she tells Edward?"

I looked away from her and concentrated all of my attention on the sudden thunderstorm that was developing outside. A beautiful thing in Phoenix, but all the same, dangerous, just like the game I seemingly was partaking in. "Knowing Tanya, she will play this one of two ways. Either she'll keep it to herself, tucking it away to use for later—which is unlikely given her affinity for hating me, or." I turned around so I could face her again. "…Tanya will call him by the time that I leave the office today, knowing full and well all the harm it will cause, hoping by the time her plane touches back down in New York, that he will be wanting to move on with her."

"Is that what you want?" Kate asked, as she sat back even further on the brown leather couch. "For him to move on with her?"

I huffed. "You know it's not, but I have no other choice."

"Says who?" She waited for some type of response from me. "You?"

I shook my head and nodded my head down towards my ever swelling girth. "Seriously, Kate. What would you have me do?"

"Oh, I don't know maybe start by telling someone—_other than me_—the truth." I was about to interrupt her, but she held up her hand to stop me. "Now you know I would do anything in the world for you, Bella, but you are not giving anyone a chance here. Not your friends, your parents…Jake…Edward—no one. What's that all about?"

"Rose knows."

"Rose knows that you're pregnant, not carrying around half of a volleyball team in your belly. What about your mom…your dad? You know they would be over the moon about the fact of becoming grandparents."

I rolled my eyes and shuffled some papers that were on my desk that desperately looked like they needed to be dealt with at that exact moment. I used deflection as my shield.

"What is going to happen when they find out, Bella?"

"I don't know," I said barely audible enough to be considered anything above a whisper as I glanced out through the glass in the office and watched Tanya as she strutted closer to my door.

Before Kate even had the chance to redirect with her examination of me, Tanya knocked once before opening the door to my office without being instructed to do so. "Oh, sorry to interrupt the two of you, but I was hoping to go over some things with Bella." She finished off feigning a smile that made my insides squirm.

I sighed and glanced at Kate, who was already making her way to the door. Tanya was at least cordial enough to sidestep the exit enough to let Kate get by. "I'll just be down the hall…" Kate said before Tanya closed the door, abruptly finishing her statement for her.

Immediately, I sat down in my desk chair, wanting to put as much distance between the two of us as possible. Seemingly, Tanya didn't care much for formalities and made herself comfortable on the opposite side of the couch that Kate had occupied. Next to her on an end table were three pictures from back home: one of me with my parents that was taken last Christmas, one from Rose and Emm's wedding, and one of Edward and me from back in high school. Her fingers lingered over the last picture, before placing it back in its proper place.

"So…" Tanya started to say.

"So," I responded.

"Well this is quite a surprise." She paused, apparently enjoying the emotional discomfort she was causing. "Seeing you like this." Tanya motioned to me and smirked.

Clutching my hands at my sides, I answered, "What things do you need to go over with me, Tanya?"

Tanya shrugged. "Not much. I just thought the two of us could catch up. It's been too long since we've seen each other, Bella."

I let out a lone laugh. "You're joking, right? Don't you have work to do, some reports to read over, and questions for me about something other than my personal life?"

"Well…not really. Angela has brought me up to speed on everything already and I just thought I would take the time to get to know my subordinates a little better than I seemingly do."

"Your _subordinates_? I work for Wolfe Publishing—a subsidiary of Cullen Holdings. I do not work for you."

"And I am now the president of this subsidiary. So it would appear that you do work for me."

"Why would he do that?" I asked out loud by mistake.

"Because I am more than qualified for the job and maybe, Edward wants to move on from his past…from you." By the smug look on her face, I could tell she was enjoying this a little too much. "So now that we are done with the fundamentals, I was hoping that you and I could erase all of our past history together and start fresh—a new start for all."

_Was she serious?_

I wanted to jump as fast as I could up out of my chair and do one of two things: either lunge towards her with all of my pregnant might and somehow impale her with a nearby walking stick that was given to me by an elderly tribesman, or run as fast as pregnantly possible from the room and cry my eyes out until there was no more tears to be had. I decided to stay where I was.

No way was I going to give her the satisfaction of seeing my reaction to all that she had said. "Well I don't really think any of that will be happening since today is my last day here."

"Oh, yes. I remember Angela mentioning something. About that… well you see, Bella, Angela really doesn't have the authority to offer you a consulting contract without my authorization. So…"

"So what?" I glanced across the room at the pointed walking stick. It tempted me.

"Your new contract with Wolfe Publishing is null and void. Your existing one is still in place."

That was it. The gloves were coming off. "So you expect me to come into the office every single day—"

"Until you have a note from your doctor stating that you are unable to fulfill your duties, then you can go on maternity leave."

All of this was going to be a much larger problem than I could have ever possibly thought. Tanya was going to find out. Even thought she was a lunatic and a conniving bitch, she still graduated top of her class from Harvard. She wasn't the one thing that I needed her to be: dumb. She would figure it out—put two and two together and figure out that this pregnancy was not all that it was cracked up to be. My plan was not going to work. If I stayed, I put my health and more importantly, the health of the babies at risk. Let alone all of the stress the day to day interactions with Tanya would be like. But if I left, I had no idea what I would do for money, for health insurance. My only chance was talking to my mother and getting her to release my trust fund early. I knew deep down that she and my father would only have my best interest at heart—even if I had to muster all of my pride and watch it be thrown away.

Reaching into my middle desk drawer, I produced a shopping bag. Luckily all of my other things had been removed the previous day. All that was left to take was my pictures and my trusty walking stick. I stood up and made my way around the desk. After grabbing my things and placing what I could into the bag, I reached for the walking stick which was right next the exit.

"What are you doing?" Tanya asked and rose up from her seat. I had my back turned to her, but I had a feeling she most probably had one hand on her waist to add to the emphasis in her voice.

I turned sharply in the doorway and felt a sharp pain in my side. "Well, Tanya…I guess you can take this as my resignation, since I feel my first contract is a little out of date," I said and placed my hand on my stomach. "Apparently."

"Fine then. Have it your way. I will just have to inform Edward that you no longer are employed within the company—by your choice of course."

I huffed. "Do whatever you feel you have to." Grabbing the door handle, I slammed the door as hard as I could, the frame vibrating around it from the contact. Kate and Angela stood out in the hallway, apparently overhearing the interaction between Tanya and me.

"Bella, I am so sorry." Angela frowned.

"This is not your fault." I closed my eyes, trying to hold in my frustration. "It's mine."

"So you're leaving then?"

"Considering the situation." I turned and glared back at my old office. "I think it would be for the best," I said and patted at my mid-section of mine, which I noticed was becoming a bit of a habit.

She hugged me as hard as possible. "Call me as soon as you get settled."

"I will," I whispered

Kate and I headed out to my car as fast as possible. "Well that was…" I started to say.

"Awkward. Uncomfortable. Awful. Take your pick, Bella," Kate stated as we pulled out of the parking lot.

We were almost back to the hotel, both of us staying silent the whole time. I had no idea what Kate thought about over the ten minute drive, but I was trying to formulate a new plan into action—namely, my parents.

Once I parked the car, Kate finally spoke, "You know you can't just run and hide now."

"Yeah… I know." I pulled out my phone and started dialing. After three rings I heard the ever familiar voice of my mother. "Hi, Mom."

Kate excused herself from the car, leaving me to handle the uncomfortable conversation on my own. I kept most of the conversation light, talking about Dad and my job (I lied) and about the weather. When it came time to wrap up the call, I asked her to meet me for lunch the next day, explaining that I was coming up for a brief visit and wasn't planning on staying more than a couple of hours. That way she wouldn't reveal to any of the Cullens that I would be in the neighborhood.

After packing up the rest of my things, Kate and I flew out late that evening with a layover in Chicago before reaching our destination just in time for a visit with my mother.

To say that I was tired would have been an understatement. I napped a little on the plane, but was looking forward to only getting the talk over with, and heading back to the hotel and sleeping for the next day at least.

_Wishful thinking._

I asked my mom to meet me at a local bistro just down the street from their house. During the day, it was usually almost vacant, and would allow for me to get the proper seat, not as to induce a heart attack when my mother laid her eyes on me for the first time in months. My chair was to the rear of the table, allowing me some coverage; along with the extremely large shirt that somewhat camouflaged my swelling stomach; if only just a little.

"Bella!" I heard my mother call out before I even had the chance to seen her coming.

I waved cautiously in return, completely nervous about telling her the truth. "Hi, Mom," I replied once she made it over to the table. I pulled down the menu to hide my condition some more, as she leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Luckily, the waitress was prompt with taking our order. As soon we were alone again, my mother started in.

"How have you been, sweetheart?" she asked. "You look completely run-down, are you feeling okay?"

_It's now or never._

I cleared my throat and set the menu back down on the table. "Mom, I have something to tell you."

I should have known that would have sent her into a complete panic. "Oh my God, Bella, there is something wrong with you. Are you sick? Have you been to the doctor? What…what are they saying?"

Holding up my hand to quell her fears, I said, "Mom, calm down. Everything will be fine. Just let me explain." I took the napkin that had been resting on my lap and placed it onto the table, before pushing the chair back from the table and standing. "I'm pregnant."

She didn't even say a word. She sat, speechless, with her hand covering her mouth as she watched me once I settled back into my seat. For over five minutes, she stayed like that until I had to finally encourage her to talk. "Mom, say something please."

"I'm just a little shocked is all. I just saw you—what? About four months ago, and we talk every Sunday on the phone. Why didn't you tell me any sooner, Bella?"

"I don't know." My hormones had taken over with the sudden presence of the tears that rolled down my cheeks. "I was scared." I was crying so much that I didn't even notice her move her seat over to mine.

With her arm around me, and using my napkin to clean up my face she said, "Tell me everything, sweetheart. I can't help you if you don't tell me everything that is going on."

And so I did. I left out some of the more graphic details, but all in all, she knew everything. About Jacob. About Edward. About me and my job/money situation. All that was left was the truth about my pregnancy.

My mother being as intuitive as ever asked the one essential question. "How far along are you, Bella?"

"Over twenty weeks." I waited for that to sink in, and it did, by the expression on her face she was putting all the details together.

"But how is that possible?"

"Because I'm having triplets, Mom."


End file.
